Focus on the Family Broadcast

Man #1: I’ve had a number of times where somebody was talking nonstop and I should have interrupted, but I didn’t.

Man #2: Sometimes I try to make a joke, and either I don’t time it right or it’s just not a good joke, and then I end up regretting it all and wanted to put a shoe in my mouth.

Woman #1: When I was planning my wedding, my mom and I were looking at some flower girl dresses, and I wanted one color and she was telling me that that was not the right color to use for it. I looked her in the eye and told her, “Well, too bad it’s my wedding then.” Probably could have phrased that better.

John Fuller: … well, maybe you can relate there. I wonder if communication is one of those skills that you’ve never really felt good at? Uh, or do you wish you could learn how to express yourself more clearly? Uh, we’re going to be covering communication today on Focus on the Family, and your host is Focus president and author Jim Daly. I’m John Fuller.

Jim Daly: John, this is one of those life skills we don’t tend to talk much about. We just expect everybody can do it well or marginally well. Uh, like the first time you had to speak before a group or a crowd, you probably prepared your thoughts. Um, sometimes when I’m speaking, the best speaking engagements that I have are things that I’ve not prepared for, ironically. But typically, you want to prepare your thoughts in that kind of environment, so you don’t freeze, and all those kinds of things. Uh, but we don’t do much to prepare for our regular ordinary everyday conversations, right? How do I want to express myself? Like the scripture talks about, being edifying toward one another. Um, and that often means speaking positively about people, their strong attributes, not their (laughs) negative ones. And, uh, today I’m excited to have our guest here today, um, Mike Bechtle, who’s going to help us think about those conversations, not just the pre-planned ones, but the everyday interaction that we have with let’s say our spouse, our kids, maybe our parents, and then the neighbor.

John: (laughs). And at this time of year let’s include holiday guest. Thanksgiving and Christmas are upon us, and, uh, you might have a lot going on, uh, during this season, where communication, well, it would be, uh, a good thing to review.

Jim: (laughs). Yeah, having the family over.

John: Yeah.

Jim: What do we talk about?

John: Well…

Jim: (laughs).

John: We’re going to hear a little bit from Mike Bechtle about all of this. Uh, he’s been here before in the studio with us. He’s an author, a speaker, a blogger. He, uh, specializes in communication and leadership training. And Mike has a book he’s written that serves as the basis for our conversation today, It’s Better to Bite Your Tongue Than Eat Your Words.

Jim: (laughs).

John: And we do have copies of that book here at the ministry. Uh, stop by focusonthefamily.com/broadcast to get yours.

Jim: Mike, welcome back to Focus. Good to have you.

Mike Bechtle: Well, thank you. It’s always a privilege.

Jim: Especially on this issue of communication. It is kind of funny we’re right in front of Thanksgiving. Most people, I think will be having family over. Some, uh, really, you know, looking forward to that. Maybe some others (laughs) might not be as, uh, eager to see that happen. So speak to that issue, just how to- how to have a good family discussion when all the family’s at your house?

Mike: Well, it seems like when we talk to most people, we behave ourselves in conversation. But somehow when families are together, especially family members, you always have that one irregular one.

Jim: It’s a different filter for us.

Mike: It is.

Jim: (laughs).

Mike: And they come together and there’s somebody that knows how to push your buttons, I think.

Jim: Yes.

Mike: Had somebody the other day said, “Sorry I’m pushing all your buttons, I’m trying to find the mute button.” (laughs).

Jim: Right, let me give you an example for the listeners. I mean, one of those things is like, are you really going to have another piece of pie? Only your family would say that to you (laughs).

Mike: (laughs).

Jim: Right?

Mike: Well, and then there’s all the expectations that come with it, because everybody eats and leaves, and then certain people are left to clean up, and then so there’s feelings that come, and with family it comes up a little stronger. That maybe you haven’t seen some of these people for a year, but there they are and it comes back again.

Jim: That’s really good. Hey, Jean was brilliant. She came up with really decorative Thanksgiving paper plates, and I’m always volunteering to do the dishes on that day, right?

Mike: Oh, there you go.

Jim: So it’s pretty fast (laughs). I can get those done quickly. But it’s a- a good reminder. Let me ask, uh, someone’s got to be thinking when they heard the title of your book, again, It’s Better to Bite Your Tongue Than Eat Your Words, I would think some personality types would be saying, “No, I’d rather eat my words and tell them the truth straightforward.” Uh, speak to that (laughs) person who would probably disagree with your title?

Mike: Well, I think most people feel like they’re pretty good communicators. For that person, they tend to have a lot of courage, but they may not have as much compassion.

Jim: (laughs).

Mike: And so they’re focused on getting their point across, they’re more outgoing, but they don’t realize that there’s shrapnel-

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Mike: … that comes out of that.

Jim: That’s a good word.

Mike: Whereas somebody on the other side, they’re more concerned about the compassion. They worry about what people are feeling, what people are thinking, and so they will hold back and maybe not say things they should say.

Jim: Yeah.

Mike: Because they don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings.

Jim: You know what’s so funny is, uh, temperament does play into this, personality type. I know for Jean and I, and I would think this is generally true, but I’m more extroverted, Jean’s more introverted. She did Chemistry, I did marketing. That kind of (laughs) tells you right there. But how- how does personality play into that communication type? When you say people believe they’re good communicators, I would definitely think that’s true of extroverts. We all think we’re great communicators, (laughs) whether you’re listening or not. We’re just going to keep talking.

Mike: Well, I think we’re in kind of an extrovert society.

Jim: Yep.

Mike: It’s not that there’s more of them, in fact it’s almost equal, but the extroverts are the ones that tend to speak… they think while they’re speaking.

Jim: Right.

Mike: In fact, they form words in order to de- decide what they’re thinking.

Jim: (laughs) It’s so true.

Mike: Introverts tend to not say anything until they have thought, they come up with their ideas. And so they don’t come out as quickly. So sometimes they think of the perfect response about 10 minutes after the conversation’s over.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Mike: And so it’s just a difference in style. But a lot of times introverts, they don’t want to become extroverts, they’re comfortable with being able to be more reflective in the way they think. But sometimes extroverts look at them and think, boy, it would be so much easier if they could just be a little more outgoing and just talk more.

Jim: Just tell me what you’re thinking (laughs).

Mike: Yeah. There’s a- there’s a tendency for an extrovert to think, well, and introvert just needs to be fixed. They need to be healed.

Jim: Whoa (laughs).

Mike: And then they will be able to…

Jim: Then they’ll be more like me.

Mike: Exactly.

Jim: (laughs).

Mike: And if they do that, it’ll be much better.

Jim: You have a term in the book that- that you say, uh, some need to gain a little more weight. Now, that’s the first time I’ve ever heard that, especially going into Thanksgiving. I like that admonition, Mike, thank you. I’m having that extra piece of pie.

Mike: (laughs) Yes.

Jim: But I don’t think that’s what you’re getting at. What do you mean by putting on a little weight when it comes to communication?

Mike: Well, I think if you’re on top of a building and you toss a ping pong ball off the top of the roof, you’re not going to be able to tell where it landed. If you toss off a bowling bowl, it will. And so the same thing is true with, uh, with people. It’s not a matter of how loud you are or anything else, but how much value you bring.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Mike: It’s just like when somebody asks for a raise, they say, “I’ve been here long enough. My boss needs to give me more money.” It’s like, well, but they’re paying you for the value that you’re bringing. If you can increase your value or increase your weight, what you bring, um, to come in deeper-

Jim: Ah.

Mike: … to come in with more resources, more- learn more skills. And that’s- I think that’s true with conversation, is because if we can learn deeper conversation skills, we’ve got the ones we grew up with, whatever we learned in our family of origin, whether it was healthy or unhealthy, that’s the tools we use. We go to school and learn how to do everything else. We take courses, but nobody really teaches us how do you communicate better. We can get those tools.

Jim: That’s a really good point. You know, going back again to those, you know, generally applied principles of extroversion and introversion, typically extroverts are… you know, they want to get to everybody.

Mike: Yeah.

Jim: So they’re an inch deep, and they’re- they want to talk to everybody at the party. It energizes them. And then the introverted person typically, not always, but typically wants to talk to three people and go very deep. And that’s another great attribute of- of the more focused introverted communicator.

Mike: Well, and it seems like a lot of times, for some reason, an- an introvert will marry an extrovert. You marry-

Jim: For some reason.

Mike: Yeah. Yeah. For… (laughs).

Jim: Well, we’re- we’re attracted to the opposite of what we are, typically.

Mike: Exactly. It’s where-

Jim: Yeah.

Mike: Yeah, it’s something we don’t have.

Jim: It’s a compliment to you.

Mike: And my- my son in law is an extrovert. I’m an introvert. He likes to go to a movie the day it opens, because he wants the crowd and the energy. My wife and I are both introverts, and we like to go the day it ends.

Jim: (laughs).

Mike: And maybe have the theater to ourselves. We did it a couple of months ago, and we were the only two people in the theater.

Jim: (laughs).

Mike: About 10 minutes later, one person walked in and we’re going, “Oh, great. A crowd.”

Jim: (laughs).

Mike: (laughs).

Jim: Broke our fine moment here.

Mike: Yes.

Jim: Uh, you know, I’ve had conversations in the past where emotions do get heated and kind of shut communication down. I mean, that’s kind of our first protective mode- modality, right? Is we just, boom, we shut down. But you believe emotions can be fuel for more effective communication. Speak to that? A lot of people that have had that happen, they- they’re probably scratching their heads. How?

Mike: I grew up thinking that most emotion was wrong.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Mike: It was the way we were taught that in church. Anger was always a sin. That you shouldn’t- you can’t have certain emotions, and so you keep them inside, because they were still there. But I think God gave us emotions as fuel for getting things done, for passion. And so he’s given us our unique temperament, our unique personality as our tool to be able to make that happen.

Jim: Yeah.

Mike: So…

Jim: That’s really good. Um, describe the impact that our attitude can have on our communication? You have a great quote from Chuck Swindoll, who’s a terrific communicator.

Mike: Mm-hmm.

Jim: But what was that quote from Chuck that got your attention?

Mike: Yeah, Chuck- Chuck was our pastor for a number of years.

Jim: Oh, great.

Mike: And that’s where we first got to know him. But he’s got, and it’s a famous quote that he’s used so many times, but the very last line says, “I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it.”

Jim: It’s so good. So good.

Mike: And it just comes out of the whole idea that at- he says attitude is everything. That no matter what happens around us, I can either be reactive, be a victim of what’s happening, or I can be proactive and choose how I respond. We have the ability to do that.

Jim: Yeah, and you know, Mike, today you look at the culture and my goodness, we’re full of victim hood.

Mike: Mm-hmm.

Jim: You know, what people have done to us. Even in the church. I mean, we’ve got the same difficulty. You know, the pastor didn’t do this, or did this. And I mean, rather than just absorb some of those things, uh, I think many people often don’t intend to communicate something negative, it comes across that way. Maybe they did. But what a far healthier Christian way of handling those things, to say, well, 10% is what somebody said to me, and 90% is what- how I react to it. Right? I- I just let it go.

Mike: And I think that’s so healthy, that approach, because it’s so easy for us, like you said, in society, um, in work environments, even in families, to hear what other people say and automatically assume that everything is true. Even our own thoughts sometimes. We believe every thought we have. And it can get pretty toxic in there if I start believing everything that I just think.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Mike: And so to be able to have, uh, the change to say, I can challenge my thoughts, I can… I don’t have to accept everything as being negative towards me or towards anybody else. It’s like, I can make choices about what I say, I can choose my words, I can choose my attitudes. And I think it’s a very biblical thing.

Jim: Yeah. When you look at that, I’m thinking of the person that maybe struggling with a negative attitude in life. Um, you know, so I want you to answer this questions kind- probably in two parts. Like how- how do you get off that road of negativity, especially for a believer? And the other part is just that idea of, yeah, what- what does God expect of us? You know, look at the political temperature in this country. I mean, the other side, whichever way you’re throwing that stone, it’s horrible and terrible and it needs to be thrown out of power. Which may be true (laughs), but the- the point of that is, what does God expect in our heart when it comes to our discourse, our attitude, our expression? And then if they’re on that road of negativity, how do they get off that highway on and get onto the fruit of the spirit, I would say, which is love, joy, peace, goodness, kindness, mercy. You know, that’s a far better spiritual, Christian road to be on.

Mike: Well, and I- I think logic is the only tool a lot of us have and what we use. And it’s like, well, if I- if you say something and I disagree with you, or if you have a different opinion, I believe I’m right. And if I believe that I’m right, why do I want your opinion? And so, if I listen to you and you say something that’s different than what I’m thinking, then, um, you must be wrong. So I have to use logic as my only tool. But that’s where it goes back to… all the biblical things don’t say a lot about logic. Yes, we have apologetics, we have everything else, but the scripture says that God brought people to himself because of his kindness. It wasn’t even his teaching, it wasn’t a lot of other things, it says but we have been drawn to him because of his kindness. I thought, if something as little as that to recognize some of those scriptures that it has to do with building trust, building relationships.

Jim: Yeah, that’s Romans 2:4.

Mike: Mm-hmm.

Jim: That if somebody’s saying, where’s that? Romans 2:4 (laughs). Go read it, it’s amazing. The- another scripture, probably in Proverbs, uh, where the power of the tongue. I know in the New Testament it’s there as well, the power of the tongue. Uh, speak to that for a moment, that, you know, those early writers of the scriptures recognize that the power of life and death is in the tongue. Uh, you might scratch your head and say, how could that be? But it’s where we impact people, for good or for ill.

Mike: Well, I think we were brought up with, um, we all heard the phrase, “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” It’s like, yeah, right. Because words probably hurt us more than sticks and stones. When we- we when just use logic with people, then we don’t realize the power of our words.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Mike: Because I think we’ve all been in situations where someone said a casual statement that changed our lives. They didn’t know it, but it was exactly what we needed. Ephesians 4:29, it’s like it was a- in a wholesome word according to the need of the moment, gave us exactly what we needed. At the same time, somebody else may have said just a flippant little word that cut us to the core, and it changed the direction we were thinking because of that. And so those casual words are so critical.

Jim: Oh. So true. I remember I’ve said this before, when I was five years old, my mom’s best friend Penny said to me, “You have diarrhea of the mouth.” (laughs) And I tried not to talk for a week just to prove her wrong.

Mike: Mm-hmm.

Jim: But I mean, it is kind of funny I ended up in a communications role (laughs). But…

John: (laughs). Well, the power of words didn’t, uh, have their- their lasting effect on you, I guess.

Jim: Yeah, right (laughs).

John: Well, this is Focus on the Family, with, uh, chatty Kathy over here, Jim Daly.

Jim: (laughs).

John: And I’m John Fuller. Our guest today is Dr. Mike Bechtle. And, uh, communication is the topic. Uh, his book is called It’s Better to Bite Your Tongue Than Eat Your Words. We’ll invite you to stop by our website to get your copy. That’s focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. Or give us a call, 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. And Mike, uh, we have a lot, uh, uh, of belief in the fullness of communication. Confrontation is one of those things, uh, Jim that you, uh, kind of brought to the surface when you stepped into leadership here. You said, we’re going to have healthy conflict. A lot of us don’t understand what you mean by confrontation, um, or what that looks like. We- we feel like we have to avoid it. What- what are your thoughts on confrontation?

Mike: Boy, confrontation is so natural. It just… we can’t avoid it, it’s going to happen, but a lot of times that’s what we want to do. We don’t- we’re not comfortable. We don’t know what to say or how to respond. Especially, you mentioned, the introverts. And an introvert has to think for a while, and in confrontation it’s like I need to respond quickly and come up with an answer, or they’ll think that I don’t know what I’m doing. And then somebody could get upset, I don’t want them to get upset, so we avoid confrontation. And I keep thinking of a story that I heard not too long ago about a rancher in the who had hundreds of cows. And every once- once in a while, these storms would come through mid-west. And it was like one cloud that would float through and just dump. Well, the cows didn’t like the rain, and so they would start running to get away from it. Well, they don’t run very fast. They went- ran about the same speed as the cloud.

Jim: (laughs).

Mike: So they stayed with the storm, because they didn’t just deal with it in the moment. And I think we’re the same way. A lot of times, if we avoid confrontation, we haven’t fixed anything, we haven’t changed anything, we’ve almost tucked it away so it can smolder in the background. And so healthy confrontation, in fact the definition, I looked up the word confrontation, to confront, it says to meet someone face to face with hostile or argumentative intent. So that sounds negative. But the second part of the definition that I saw said to face up to or deal with a problem or difficult situation. It’s like, yeah, it could be tough, but this means we’re dealing with it in a healthy way.

Jim: You know, Mike, that’s an interesting observation, because I think even for Christians in this culture, whether it’s inside the family, inside your marriage, inside your parenting, or dealing with the neighbor that doesn’t see the world your way, that’s a real good admonition. You don’t want to be doing the first definition, you know, confront with ill intent just to- just to do it, but to confront with truth. And I think that’s, uh, probably in the Christian culture today, that’s becoming more difficult for us to understand that that is healthy, that’s how God uses people to directly speak to another person’s heart about where they’re at. It doesn’t give you license to just (laughs) over and talk to your neighbor about their drinking problem, although if the lord opens up that opportunity, what a great thing if that person should turn from that and become a believer. I mean, how- how does change occur if we’re not challenging one another in a healthy way?

Mike: I think when we see that, it comes down to the relationship we have with the other person. If I don’t have trust with that other person, it’s probably going to turn negative. If my- my purpose, if my focus is to fix them, to change them, to get them to do something differently, it’s probably not going to make any difference. It’s not going to be that healthy. If you come to me and tell me I need to fix something or change something, I’m probably not going to be very happy about that, because you’re telling me I’m wrong, I’m bad and whatever. So I’m not open to making a lot of those kind of changes. Whereas with somebody, if I go to them and listen and just talk, and build a relationship and build trust, that’s probably the-

Jim: Yeah.

Mike: … biggest thing we can do to have healthy confrontation with people like that.

Jim: Yeah, it’s so true. You know, again, another, uh, confusing point for some, especially in the church, would be Matthew 5, where, you know, Jesus tells us to turn the other cheek-

Mike: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … if we’re dealing with people that are difficult, or people that hate us, for example. Um, that can trip us up a little too, so when do we confront? Are we supposed to turn the other cheek or actually say, whoa, what are you doing? I don’t appreciate you hitting me in the cheek.

Mike: Personally, I think there’s no rush. We feel like, okay, that person has a problem. I need to go deal with it right now. And sometimes I think it’s healthier to pull back a little bit and observe, and see, is this something I need to… is there- is there some danger that I need to do something right now? Or is it something where it’s like, let’s talk about what’s going on. Let’s… and- and just listen. There’s nothing… I think people are starved to be listened to. There’s nothing that’s stronger-

Jim: Huh.

Mike: … to build a relationship than listening. And it’s such an easy thing for us to do.

Jim: Yeah.

Mike: Because then we don’t have to talk loud, we don’t have to have answers, just listen and that opens the door for us to have that kind of confrontation.

Jim: Now, the curve ball I want to throw you, is in this high-tech environment that we live in, in modernity, where we have social media platforms, it’s constant cheek slapping.

Mike: Mm-hmm.

Jim: I mean, it feels like, I mean, it’s just, bam, bam, bam, bam. And if you’re brave enough to get out there and, you know, speak your mind, you’re going to get whacked by somebody. So how does social media change the dynamic of- of these deep biblical truths and these true human nature observations that we have? Uh, it seems like it puts it all on steroids.

Mike: Well, yeah. And I think social media is all talking, there’s no listening.

Jim: (laughs) That is so true.

Mike: There’s no relationship. It’s just people saying what they want to say, and because they’re not face to face, they tend to do it stronger than they would if they were in person.

Jim: And very little accountability for just-

Mike: Oh.

Jim: … spewing your thoughts.

Mike: I think no accountability.

Jim: None.

Mike: I-

Jim: Which is different in personal interactions.

Mike: Sure.

Jim: Somebody’s going to say, “Wait a minute, that’s not true.”

Mike: Yeah. Or you see that you hurt somebody and what- in this, there’s no accountability in that way. So when everything tends to be, I’m going to tell you the facts, that goes back to the logic again. I’m using my social media platform to say what I want to say, and it can be strong, and it tends to be negative. Well, somebody else responds, you don’t listen on social media, you come back with your perspective and it goes back and forth. And so it just escalates and grows. And so I think if people take that and bring it into a real conversation, it’s like that’s what they’re learning to do, is to communicate that way. Well, that doesn’t translate well into real conversations.

Jim: Yeah. We’re going to come back, but I- I do want to make sure we’re crystal clear on this, uh, explain why, and- and we’ve touched on this, by your attitude being, I’m going to fix the other person, is not a good starting place.

Mike: Mm-hmm.

Jim: That’s really- that may be a goal. Uh, I would really encourage people not to even make that a goal, just enter dialogue, help them… if anything, you’re trying to help them see a broader perspective, get a little more life perspective on it, et cetera. But if you’ve got the attitude that I’m going to fix this person by encountering them or confronting them, you’re probably already not going to go anywhere.

Mike: Well, if I have the mindset that I’m going to fix you, it puts me above you. It’s like, okay, I am here, and so you’re not where you need to be yet.

Jim: Right.

Mike: And so I’ll go from there.

Jim: Yeah. Now, I’m going to pull it out of your book, because you have a story about that. You tried to fix your son, and that didn’t go too well.

Mike: Our family is on vacation in Hawaii, and he was a teenager at the time. And he was…

Jim: (laughs).

Mike: … a pretty- he was-

Jim: I’m laughing just there.

Mike: (laughs).

Jim: Okay. That says it all. Next question.

John: What could go wrong- what could go wrong with this trip? (laughs).

Jim: Okay, so you have a teenager in Hawaii.

Mike: So we’re in Hawaii, and he was being, uh, a little more on the melancholy side, and he’s not a morning person. I am a morning person. He’s very much a night person. And so we go out to breakfast, and he didn’t even want to go. And he’d sit there with his head down, he would barely eat, and I’d try and make conversation, he wouldn’t respond. And I thought, okay, he’s being rebellious and he’s, you know, what’s wrong, what’s happening? And I’m worried about, he’s going to become a career criminal and-

Jim: (laughs).

Mike: … and all that stuff that comes (laughs) out of it. And then, one day in the middle of breakfast he was looking down at his food, and he just pulled his head up slowly, he looked me right in the eye and he said, “Two hours. Give me two hours, and then we’ll- we can talk.”

Jim: That’s exactly what Jean told me in our early marriage (laughs).

Mike: It was- and it’s true, because as-

Jim: Give me two hours.

Mike: … he- he said, “We’ll be fine.” And we were. Because he needed to wake up, and it just like, he couldn’t form words. Do the same with me at 9:00 at night, I can’t form multi syllable words or walk upright, and that’s what we ran into at him.

Jim: But-

Mike: But it changed everything.

Jim: Yeah. And there in the book you- you also give that end of the story that your son invited you out late one night.

Mike: Oh, Father’s Day.

Jim: (laughs).

Mike: He gave me the worst present ever.

Jim: (laughs).

John: (laughs).

Mike: He’s- he- he said, “I’m going to take you to a midnight movie.” And I said, “Why? What did I do wrong?” And he said, “No, you’ll be fine.”

Jim: (laughs).

Mike: I said, “I’m going to fall asleep.” He said, “Take a nap. You’ll be fine.” And so I did, and I went with him. And we went to the movie, and I don’t remember what it was, but we got out about 2:00 in the morning, went outside and it was just black, it was quiet, it was deathly quiet. And he said, “I just want you to see my world.” It was wonderful.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Mike: And it’s like, it was one of the best moments we have because I got to experience part of what was so refreshing for him, to be in the quiet, to be outdoors, to be in- in the dark. And it was like, okay, that was important to him, and I- he got to share it with me.

Jim: I thought it was powerful. I mean, I applaud you for saying yes. I mean, a lot of dads would say, “Are you kidding me?” And they’d laugh and go to bed. And their son’s thinking to themselves, no, I wasn’t- I wasn’t kidding. I really wanted you to come out.

John: Mm-hmm.

Mike: And he wasn’t kidding about taking a nap, so I did.

Jim: (laughs).

John: (laughs).

Jim: Well, I can related, having, uh, just gotten through the teenage years with my two boys, both of whom like to sleep a little later than I wanted (laughs) them to. So, Mike, this has been so good. And I hope people are catching, uh, the tempo and the content here, and what a great book. It’s Better to Bite Your Tongue Than Eat Your Words. And I do want to come back next time and keep the discussion going. We’ll get into some more practical advice on how to apply that day to day, with your marriage, with your parenting, with your neighbors. Maybe even with your HOA.

John: (laughs).

Jim: I don’t know if it works there, but it’s possible.

Mike: Mm-hmm.

Jim: So, uh, first of all, uh, let’s come back and do that. And we’d love to put a copy of this book into your hands, here at Focus on the Family. And if you can make a gift of any amount, and what really helps, uh, Jean and I, I know Dina and John do the same, we support Focus Monthly.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: And if you can do that, uh, that would be extremely helpful, because it just evens out the budgeting, you know, issues that we have over the year. And, uh, that would be great, and we’ll send you a copy of the book as our way of saying thank you for being involved in ministry with us. And if that’s too much, we get it. And we know things are tight with inflation and other things. Um, a one-time gift would be great. If you need it and you can’t afford it, we’re a Christian ministry, we’ll get it into your hands.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: So just, uh, contact us, and we’ll trust others will take care of the cost of that. The bottom line is, be in ministry with us, or use the ministry here to build, uh, the situation that you’re in and let us help be a part of that-

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … solution for you.

John: We’re a phone call away, and our number is 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. 800-232-6459, and we’re also at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.

Jim: And don’t forget about our matching gift campaign going on right now. Some generous friends in the spirit of fun really, it’s not, uh, something negative, but they just want to spur on the giving, and they have agreed to match every dollar, uh, with an additional dollar.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: So it’s a fun way to actually have your gift doubled. And as a result, we can rescue twice as many marriages, equip twice as many parents and give twice as many families hope this year and in 2023. So I want to invite you to partner with us during this crucial time, and your $50 gift will become $100.

John: Yeah, participate in this matching gift opportunity when you call 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. Well, details are all online at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.

Jim: Mike, again, thanks for being with us, and, uh, let’s come back next time, continue the discussion. Are you willing?

Mike: Really looking forward to it.

Jim: Okay (laughs).

John: Well, on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team, thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family. I’m John Fuller, inviting you back next time as we continue the conversation with Mike, and once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.