Can my spouse and I do anything to affair-proof our relationship? It seems like adultery is becoming more common these days. Although there's nothing wrong with our marriage, I wonder if there's something specific we can do to make sure infidelity never becomes an issue. Any thoughts?
Our first thought is that it's always helpful to seek the guidance and support of a larger community and to make yourself accountable to others who can hold you to a high standard of morality and marital commitment. Many churches offer support groups or adult Sunday school classes designed specifically to help couples build stronger marriages. It would be a good idea to get connected with one of these classes or groups and make it a regular part of your lives.
One of the tools we've developed to help strengthen marriages is an online Couple Checkup. This assessment tool is an in-depth set of questions that will bring out the areas where you shine as a couple, as well as help you target spots that could use a little improvement – whether you're dating, engaged, newly married, or celebrating decades of life together. The assessment consists of between 110-130 questions, based on your particular life stage. It takes about 30 minutes to complete (both husband and wife need to participate), and when you're finished you'll receive a feedback report that identifies your strengths and growth areas as a couple, provides discussion starters and guidelines, and suggests recommended resources for further investment in your relationship. For about the price of a nice dinner for two, you'll receive a unique snapshot of your relationship and recommendations for ways to help your marriage thrive.
A trained counselor can also help you perform an assessment of your marriage and point out your strengths, as well as help you identify areas where you can improve in your relationship. If you have children, it might be worth your while to involve the whole family in a series of positive, pro-active group therapy sessions. For referrals to qualified Christian marriage and family therapists in your area, feel free to contact Focus on the Family's Counseling department.
From our perspective, the bottom line is communication. Couples who can learn to be open, honest, and caring in the way they express their wants, needs, desires, and concerns to one another are the ones who have the best chance of going the distance in marriage. As you move forward with the task of building this kind of intimacy and trust, remember that God is on your side, working within you "both to will and to do for His good pleasure" (Philippians 2:13). We believe that He has great things in store for you, your marriage, and your entire family.
Boundaries in Marriage