Sexless Marriage and Divorce

When does a divorce actually begin? I’ve always believed that sexual intercourse is the glue that cements the marital bond. The Bible even says, “The two shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). But for the last 20 years, my marriage has been sexless. At one point, my wife even said to me, “We are never having sex again.”

ANSWER:

You bring up an interesting question.

What God says about divorce

Along with Genesis 2:24-25 and 1 Corinthians 6:16, Jesus appears to teach that divorce — in the absolute sense — is physically and spiritually impossible: “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6, ESV). In other words, He seems to say that the union created through sexual intercourse is, in some sense, unbreakable.

In the verses that follow, Christ expands on this idea. He suggests that divorce has never been anything but a kind of legal fiction. It’s a formal concession to human sin, weakness, and hardness of heart that can never really undo the organic connection established when a man and woman become one flesh.

And if that’s true, the answer to your question is that, in God’s eyes, a divorce can never begin at all. It can’t begin if it doesn’t actually exist.

We realize, however, that doesn’t help you deal with the struggles in your marriage.

Finding help for the pain

If you believe what Jesus says about the permanence of the bond between you and your wife, you might be more motivated to work through the difficulties. To make that happen, though, you need a plan of action.

Right now, the most important question isn’t theoretical — When does divorce begin? Instead, it’s practical — Why has my wife said, “We are never having sex again”? If you want to answer that question, you need the help and guidance of a trained and licensed marriage counselor.

Call our professional and pastoral counselors for a free consultation at 1-855-771-HELP (4357). They’d be glad to talk with you, and they can give you referrals to trained therapists in your area and intensive marriage counseling options.