Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
1. Listen.
Before you do or say anything, listen. Many sexual assult victims are afraid they won’t be believed when they say they were sexually assaulted. Your friend needs to feel respected and accepted by you. Listen to her story without judging, offering “fix-it” suggestions or asking interrogative-type questions.
As she shares about the abuse have her focus on the facts as best she can recall them. Recording her comments can be validating and reassuring for her. Be patient as she tries to find words for all that took place. This may take time, so keep listening. Also, encourage her to take breaks if talking about the assult becomes overly difficult for her.
2. Provide unconditional support.
As a friend, it’s not your job to determine what actually happened; leave that for law enforcement if or when they become involved. You can be most helpful by being with your friend through this ordeal. The fear of being alone is common for many sexual assault survivors. Be there with her when you can. Check in with her by text or a phone call periodically. Provide her with a sense of protection over the next several days and weeks. And, most importantly, reassure her of your love and care for her.
Remind her that the rape was not her fault; she is not to blame for what happened to her. This may sound obvious to you; however, your friend—even as she nods her head in agreement—will need to hear this repeatedly. Remind her of this truth whenever she begins to doubt or question herself.
3. Encourage her to access medical assistance.
Medical attention is usually a sexual assault victim’s most urgent need. We can’t emphasize this step enough. Even if your friend is reluctant to undergo a medical examination, it’s critical for her to be evaluated as soon as possible. This is important for several reasons; (1) she may have been physically injured in some way without knowing it, (2) she may have acquired a sexually transmitted disease, and (3) it’s the only way to establish a case against the offender and provide firm data for possible future legal use.
Offer to take her to the Emergency Department and stay with her the entire time. A medical examination is truly in your friend’s best interest since this will get her the medical attention she may need.
4. Encourage her to seek trauma-informed therapy.
Regaining a sense of control over her life is a necessary step in healing and moving forward from a traumatic event such a sexual assault. Working with a licensed Christian counselor, who is trauma-informed, can help her overcome any doubts, feelings of powerlessness, or self-blame she may have. Counseling can help her find a sense of balance in her life again. Additionally, the counselor can monitor your friend for signs of depression, PTSD, suicidal thoughts, anxiety and other issues that are common following a sexual assault.
Know too that your friend’s family will likely be stressed as well, especially if your friend becomes pregnant because of the assault. A traumatic event like this will likely impact different family members in different ways, nevertheless, the entire family can benefit from having a licensed counselor to help navigate the upcoming weeks and months with them. When family members are properly supported, they can, in turn, be strong supporters for your friend on her recovery journey.
5. Be patient.
Remember, recovery takes time, so be patient with your friend. Keep listening, keep encouraging. She may have doubts, “God, why?” questions and struggles with trusting others. Be there with her. Be the one to give hope when she feels hopeless. Remind her of God’s unceasing love for her. In time, a sexual assault survivor can gain a renewed sense of value and a heightened sense of God’s presence and a purpose for life.
If you have further questions, feel free to contact our Counseling department for a free consultation.
You can also suggest your friend or loved one call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233); online at https://www.thehotline.org/ or call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673; online at https://rainn.org/.
