A Marriage Meditation: Disappointment

By Bill Arbuckle
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A young man and woman sit at a table and talk over a cup of coffee
© fizkes/Adobe Stock
When your marriage isn't what you expected and you feel disappointed, how can you get back the spark?

Are you disappointed with your marriage? Today’s Marriage Meditation includes helpful Scriptures and ideas to help you see your marriage through God’s eyes and reconnect with your spouse.

Getting Started:

  • Watch today’s Marriage Meditation video.
  • Read today’s Marriage Meditation devotion.
  • Share today’s question with your spouse.

Today’s Devotion

Scripture Readings: 1 Peter 5:7, Philippians 2:13, Hebrews 4:16

“You know the honeymoon’s over when…”

Most spouses can fill in the blank with a funny story of the first time they realized they had married an imperfect person. For some couples, the story is about something mundane: the “right” way to fold laundry or load the dishwasher. Or the toothpaste. Do you squeeze from the middle or bottom of the tube? Most couples cope or compromise and then move on.

But what happens when a husband or wife can’t move on? When they can’t see past their spouse’s flaws?

For some, disappointment comes from discovering a spouse has an addiction or is abusive, deceitful and dishonest. If this describes your spouse, find a trained, Christian counselor who can help you. You are worth helping!

Other couples, however, struggle with more day-to-day disappointments. A husband isn’t the spiritual leader in the home. A wife may be less encouraging than when you were dating. He or she doesn’t live up to expectations. The relationship is boring, predictable. You’d hoped for “more,” but it’s not happening. What should you do?

When marriage seems disappointing and difficult, remember these three things:

God cares about your marriage

God cares about you. He cares about your spouse. He invites you to bring your disappointments and frustrations to Him. First Peter 5:7 reminds us to cast our anxieties on Him, “because he cares for you.” God wants you to share your burdens with Him. You’re always welcome and can talk to Him any time.

God is at work in your marriage

Philippians 2:13 reminds us that “It is God who works in you both to will and to work for His good pleasure.” There is never a time when God is not actively involved in your marriage. When you experience disappointment, remind yourself that God is at work.

God gives grace to help your marriage

Grace makes the tough times bearable. God wants to extend His grace to help you through the rough spots in your marriage. “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” Hebrews 4:16. God never runs out of grace, and He’s always willing to lavish His grace on us.

Reconnect with your spouse

Maybe it’s been a while since you’ve sat down for a real heart-to-heart conversation. If so, here are ideas to help you and your spouse reconnect:

  • Go back to where you started. Talk about your dating relationship, your wedding, your honeymoon. Remind yourselves why you pursued the relationship.
  • Relive some good experiences. Remember the fun you’ve had as a couple. Pull out old photos or postcards and share memories. Relive an adventure from when you were first dating.
  • Find common goals. Talk about your future. Make plans. Save up for a vacation.
  • Look for shared interests. Find an activity or hobby you both enjoy — or would both enjoy trying.
  • Share your dreams with your spouse. What’s on your bucket list? Do you want to write a book? Build a cabin? Travel? Go back to school? Can your spouse help you achieve your dream?

Today’s Question

How can we reconnect as a couple?

More Resources

  • Learn more about reconnecting as a couple by engaging in healthy “heart talk.”
  • Read the “heart talk” dating guide for married couples.

© 2020 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. Originally published on FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Learn How to Cherish your Spouse and Have a Deeper Connection

Do you cherish your spouse? Couples who cherish each other understand that God created everyone different, and as a result they treasure the unique characteristics in their spouse. We want to help you do just that. Start the free five-part video course called, “Cherish Your Spouse”, and gain a deeper level of connection with your spouse.

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Aftershock: Overcoming His Secret Life with Pornography: A Plan for Recovery

This book is for women who have discovered their husband’s struggle with pornography and other sexual infidelities. Based on biblical principles and psychologically sound advice, Aftershock is designed to help women heal, grow, and receive restoration for themselves, their husbands, and their marriages.
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