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When Your Wife Doesn’t Like You

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Your relationship with your spouse is often gauged by a "like meter," which describes how you feel about him or her. What can you do to lift the needle?

“Can you get up and get Ellie once in a while?” my wife inquired. She was understandably annoyed. Earlier that morning, I had stayed in bed while she got up to respond to our 1-year-old’s crying. Admittedly, I often lounge in bed and let my wife attend to Ellie.

Attempting to diffuse her anger with humor, I said with a grin, “Do you like me less right now?”

She replied without hesitation, “Yes.”

My relationship with my wife is often gauged by what I call a “like meter,” which describes how we feel about one another based on whether the other person is doing things we like, sort of like or don’t like at all. We love each other no matter what — but sometimes we might not like each other.

My wife and I often score high on each other’s like meter. When I help her make lunches for the kids, she likes me more. She takes the kids to the pool to give me some time alone at home, and I like her more.

On the other hand, if I neglect to do the dishes as I said I would, she likes me less. She sometimes interrupts me while I’m talking, and I like her less.

If you look at your feelings toward your wife as a range — emotions that can go in one direction or another hour by hour — there are three ways you can use the like meter to strengthen your marriage.

Recognize.

When you’re ranking low on your wife’s like meter, recognize that your relationship will benefit from efforts to raise your ranking. In my case, I need to take turns with my wife to attend to our little girl.

Analyze.

If your wife is ranking low on your like meter, determine whether it’s for a valid reason. Let’s say your wife remarked that the clothes you’re wearing don’t look good. Ask yourself, Is the remark worth feeling less “like” toward her? Was she trying to offend me, or simply making a suggestion? You can choose to adjust your wife’s ranking upward on your like meter.

Meditate.

Even if your wife’s low ranking seems valid, don’t focus on what she did to “earn” that ranking. Instead, focus on the many other things you do like. Meditating on those things can raise your wife’s ranking on your like meter, and you’ll have a better marriage by choosing to like her.

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There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.
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Understand How to Respect and Love your Son Well

Why doesn’t my son listen to me? Have you ever asked that question? The truth is, how you see your son and talk to him has a significant effect on how he thinks and acts. That’s why we want to help you. In fact, we’ve created a free five-part video series called “Recognizing Your Son’s Need for Respect” that will help you understand how showing respect, rather than shaming and badgering, will serve to motivate and guide your son.

Reconnected: The Digital Experience

Is the love there, but not the spark? Reawaken fun in your marriage and move from roommates to soulmates again with the help of this 7-part online video experience. Learn how to connect emotionally and spiritually as husband and wife using techniques such as dreaming together and establishing deep, heartfelt communication. The Digital Experience includes 7 teaching videos, an online study guide and access to additional tools and resources to help spouses reconnect.

Next Steps: Marriage Assessment

We want your marriage to be thriving and healthy. Take the free Marriage Assessment from Focus on the Family to learn how to strengthen your bond with your spouse and get the tools to help you need to grow closer together. 

Next Steps: Fruit of the Spirit Devotionals for Couples

The Fruit of the Spirit Devotional is a free series of nine short videos to get you into God’s Word and inspire you to seek the Holy Spirit’s help in loving your spouse.

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