“I don’t know what to say!” is a typical phrase from friends and family who want to comfort a mom or dad experiencing the loss of an preborn baby. Thankfully, there are many ways to show the grieving how much they are loved and not alone. A miscarriage gift is one way to express big things without saying a word.
I polled my social media friends about their miscarriage and baby loss gift experiences. Within minutes, I had enough feedback to know that every parent grieves differently and diversely receives comfort.
Part of thoughtful gift-giving is getting the type of gift and timing right. Some family cultures get quiet and secluded when grieving, while others find comfort surrounded by friends or loved ones. The best solution is to pray for wisdom and perhaps ask someone close to the situation if what you plan to give would be welcome at this time.
7 Types of Thoughtful Miscarriage Gifts
1. Non-Material Gifts for Baby Loss
Material goods aren’t the only kind of gifts for those who have miscarried. One woman messaged me, “When I miscarried, my friend came and hugged me and said nothing. It was what I needed.” It may sound cliché, but hugs, space and silence are free.
A dad responded to my inquiry, “We miscarried in 2015 with our first baby. His name was Brave. We were so devastated, and some days still find ourselves grieving even after two healthy babies and a new one about to be born. We were left with many crippling questions, and our whole world stopped.
The gift that I remember being the most memorable from people was the gift of space. I know that’s not physical or tangible, really, but we were grieving and in desperate need of the healing presence of the Lord, and not the pressure of people. Especially being in ministry in the capacity that we are in, people tend to be overbearing when it comes to a crisis. But not this time. It’s like they just knew. So people gave us that space…and food.”
2. Flowers, Food or Meals for Grieving Family
A bouquet of favorite flowers or a care package is a thoughtful gesture. Heather responded to my post, “My grandmother sent me a dozen roses. It was unexpected and sweet. It helped.”
Food gifts can also be thoughtful and helpful! Here are three reasons to either send or make food for a grieving family:
- If there are other children in the home, it can be comforting that no one has to cook or worry about what the kids will eat.
- The mother’s body is trying to recover from the trauma. Her mind is trying to process what has happened. Likewise, she may not even think to eat.
- One or both parents may likely have taken off work because of the miscarriage. There may be issues with expense or preparation to have food for an unplanned time at home.
It is easy to go online and order food from a delivery service in many areas. When I miscarried my son, Jonah, the first gift I received was a pizza from my sister-in-law. I’ve eaten a lot of pizzas in my life, but that is the one pizza I have never forgotten.
3. Memorial Miscarriage Gifts
Many men and women have no way to memorialize their child — no ultrasound photos, no baby blanket, no grave to visit. Therefore, a soft memorial gift can give them something to hold in their hands. Mary Ellen, an 85-year-old crafter, prays for families as she crochets mini memorial baby blankets.
Other memorial miscarriage gifts could include soft stuffed animals, embroidered miniature blankets and mini quilts. Organizations like The Arbor Day Foundation have programs to honor the memory of a loved one by planting a tree.
A woman in our congregation donates Bibles on behalf of those who pass away. The Gideons International offers a memorial Bible.
A lovely gesture could also be an inscription, like the one offered by The Kentucky Memorial for the Unborn. The beautiful granite memorial wall stands in a tranquil area of the Frankfort Cemetery.
4. Keepsake Gifts
When my friend, Norma, was given the news that her preborn child had passed, her sweet husband ordered a unique keepsake necklace featuring a pair of tiny baby feet.
Other keepsake miscarriage gifts could be bracelets, birthstone rings, embroidered pillows, scripture plaques, necklaces or a memorial box the size of a shoebox for mementos.
You can personalize the keepsake gifts if you know the baby’s name. But make sure to double-check spelling!
5. Cards, Books or Certificates
When I miscarried, my bank teller unexpectedly sent me a card. It was a simple note, but it’s been 28 years and I have not forgotten. Cards are appropriate during the initial time of grieving or even on the anniversary date of the miscarriage.
Two books I like to have on hand to give to grieving parents are: Embracing Hope and I’ll Hold You In Heaven.
When a child is validated as important by others, there can be an incredible amount of comfort and peace for a parent. Similarly, issuing a framed or frameable life certificate can be a token of this recognition.
6. Hobby Gift
A personalized gift can express thoughtfulness. If the mom or dad has specific collections or hobbies, you could select a gift with this in mind. For example, Willow Tree has figurines that feature a mom and baby, a dad and baby or both parents holding a child. Likewise, a father who collects coins could be given a commemorative coin with the current year to recognize his child. A mom who collects Christmas ornaments may like a memorial ornament.
7. Handmade Miscarriage Gifts
Baby loss gifts aren’t always easy to find. For those who are crafty and resourceful, there are precious miscarriage gifts that can be created, such as baby bracelets, drawings, paintings, pillows made out of a maternity dress or even embroidered items. For example, I have a little bracelet that fits my wrist with my son’s name on it. The bracelet looks like the vintage beaded bracelets that hospitals put on babies to identify them years ago.
Regardless of what you choose to give, I believe that there are great rewards for showing love to those who are hurting or are in need. Scriptures like Luke 6:38, 2 Corinthians 9:6-8 and Deuteronomy 15:10 make it clear that God blesses the giver, but we also see that He is a lavish gift-giver Himself. A gift seems insignificant in the light of a tragedy, but I would not underestimate the comfort and healing power of a thoughtful gesture of love in a time of need.
