Two in One – Date Guide

By Greg Smalley
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Focus on the Family

Print this out and take it on your date!

Print this out and take it on your date!

Date Night

Remember, always act like you’re trying to get a second date! Sometimes in marriage we forget that we need to pursue and “woo” our spouse. So dress up a bit. Be polite and open doors. Compliment one another. Be affectionate – hold hands, cuddle, and steal kisses. Remember to protect your date night from conflict by cutting off any arguments and agreeing to talk about the issue at a later time.

Step 1: Go someplace different for dinner.

Instead of visiting the same familiar locations and eating the same old food, pick somewhere new or try a different type of cuisine.

Step 2: I in You and You in Me.

Pick two different activities for your night out together. It doesn’t matter what you do as long as you follow these two simple rules: 1) You have to be able to do both activities in a single evening; and 2) One choice has to be something that he loves and she hates, while the other has to be something that she adores and he finds boring. Outings based around shared interests aren’t allowed. Possible examples might include:

Spend the first half of the evening shopping at the mall and the second at a shooting range.

Spend the first half of the evening watching a romantic comedy and the second kicking tires at a car dealership.

Spend the first half of the evening buying plants and flowers at the local nursery and the second watching an “action flick.”

Spend the first half of the evening at the batting cages and the second at a shoe store.

Step 3: Relax and unwind. Ready for a few questions?

This segment of the evening is especially important for this particular Date Night. It’s the place where the point of everything else you’ve been doing gets brought out into the open. After your activity, find a quiet place for dessert or coffee where you can relax and emotionally connect through good conversation. Answer the following questions. Be sure to keep your responses positive, uplifting, and encouraging.

What was your favorite part of the evening?

What do you think it means for husband and wife to become “one”? How can you move in that direction without denying your differences and giving up your unique personalities?

Why do you think the two of you were originally attracted to one another when you clearly have such different tastes and interests? Ask your spouse, “Did tonight’s activities give you any insight into my reasons for enjoying the things I do? If so, how?” Then give him or her a chance to ask you the same thing.

What is one thing you learned tonight that you didn’t know about each other before? How has this Date Night deepened your understanding of your spouse and the way your relationship works? Did it enable you to “get inside” each other – even in some small way?

Now talk about your spousal “roles” and responsibilities. Do you feel like these roles play to your individual strengths in marriage? How do you think a deeper sense of oneness might impact the way you think about household chores and your division of labor?

What are some other ways you can “see into” each other and develop greater marital unity in the days and weeks ahead?

Step 4: Home Sweet Home

As you drive home, spend time planning your next date. Think about additional ways you can increase your sense of being “two in one.” Once you get home, however, it’s up to you what happens next. Have a great final adventure!

© 2015 Focus on the Family.

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About the Author

Greg Smalley

Dr. Greg Smalley serves as the Vice President of Marriage at Focus on the Family. In this role, he develops and oversees initiatives that prepare individuals for marriage, strengthen and nurture existing marriages and help couples in marital crises. Prior to joining Focus, Smalley worked for the Center for Relationship Enrichment at John Brown University and as President of the …

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