Go From “Gimme” to Grateful Kids

Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

Having grateful kids is a blessing, but more often than not, it is a character trait we, as parents, need to work on–especially at Christmas.

On Christmas morning, after devouring Mom’s legendary homemade sticky buns, the Stevens family gathers around the Christmas tree. The three kids — Danny, age 10, Molly, age 8 and the youngest, 6-year-old Christopher — excitedly begin opening their presents.

Their parents’ joy soon turns to dismay as they observe the children’s behavior. Like hungry sharks in a feeding frenzy, Danny, Molly, and Christopher greedily rip open each gift only to toss it aside, searching for another package bearing their names.

Particularly troubling to Sharon and Rick Stevens is that none of the kids acknowledges the relatives who sent the gifts in the first place. They show zero interest in opening the cards attached to the gifts. After each child opened the final gift, all three continue to search for still more presents, making comments such as, “Is that all I get?” or “How come Molly got more presents than I did?”

Unfortunately, the Stevens’ experience is common.

Why gratitude is so powerful for kids

In a materialistic, consumer oriented culture, we face a real challenge in teaching gratefulness and contentment to children. They are conditioned to believe they are entitled to everything they want — now! Kids have also come to believe they should always get the biggest and best.

The Center for a New American Dream reports another disturbing trend known as the nag factor. Its recent surveys found that nearly 60 percent of kids nag their parents for a toy or a privilege even after being given a no.

In fact, 10 percent of all 12 and 13-year-olds admit they will beg their parents more than 50 times for products they’ve seen on TV.

Model a grateful attitude

Christian parents are called to cultivate character traits such as thankfulness, generosity, and self-sacrifice. The Bible commands us, “Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). Jesus warns us, “Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions” (Luke 12:15). And Paul describes greedy people as idolaters who will not inherit the kingdom of God (Ephesians 5:5).

One of the most effective ways to combat the cultural mind-set is by modeling a grateful attitude. Verbally thank God on a regular basis, even for simple things like a roof over your head and food.

Also, do your best to model gratefulness in your other relationships: friends, relatives, and co-workers — and not only when they do something special for you. Let others know how much you appreciate them simply for who they are.

Express that kind of unconditional gratitude to your spouse and children as well.

Grateful kids are generous

You can help your kids learn to be generous by serving others who are less fortunate. Christmastime is ideal for service projects. Your family might volunteer to serve Christmas dinner at a local rescue mission or visit residents at a nursing home, singing carols, and delivering Christmas cookies.

The majority of children receive a boatload of new toys each year. They soon lose interest in most of these toys, which wind up collecting dust in a closet, basement, or storage bin.

One family I know has instituted a Christmas tradition in which each of their kids chooses several of his or her old toys to donate to a homeless shelter or a local charity. They deliver the toys as a family the week before Christmas, so their children can see where their toys are being donated and experience the joy of giving away their possessions.

Christmas also provides an excellent opportunity to start sponsoring a poor child in a developing country through an organization such as World Vision or Compassion International. Our family sponsors a little girl in Indonesia. When our children are old enough, we plan to take a short-term missions trip to Java to meet her.

Give their talents

Many receivers appreciate hand-made gifts. The process of creating is a gift for giver and receiver. Making gifts invests time, talent, and effort. Lessons learned about the process and patience required will translate into all areas of life.

Making and giving gifts can help a child be a grateful kid. When someone expresses appreciation for their one-of-a-kind uniquely made gift, the child sees first-hand how gratitude makes another feel. Author Lori Stanley Roeleveld shared her daughter’s experience.

My 7-year-old daughter pouted. “But it won’t be special.” Hannah rested her round face on her fists at the kitchen table.

“Why do you say that?” I continued to gather permanent markers so Hannah could decorate a white tablecloth with her own design as a Christmas gift for my mother. “Grandma’s going to love it.”

“I want to get her a real present from a real store with real money,” Hannah said. “Besides, is it a real gift if we make it from stuff Grandma bought us? That seems like cheating.”

I laughed at my daughter’s reasoning. “She gave you the materials, but your imagination and hard work will create the gift, my girl.”

Giving back

Everything we were using had, indeed, come from a box of craft supplies Hannah’s grandmother had given us last Christmas. Every year Grandma filled a storage box with art supplies. It was my favorite gift because it encouraged creativity in my children.

That Christmas, Hannah presented her grandmother with the tablecloth she’d created. “Look what I made with what you gave me, Grandma!”

My mother was overjoyed not only to receive something created by Hannah, but also to know her original gift had been put to use. In that moment, I learned a lesson I was able to apply for years to come.

Showing appreciation

Extended family members sometimes wonder if the gifts they’ve given are appreciated or if they’re sitting, forgotten, on a closet shelf. Beyond a thank-you note, my mother now had evidence that her gift had been used and enjoyed.

After that day, I looked for opportunities to show relatives what my children did with the presents they received. I now send pictures of my children using or wearing their gifts, and when my kids receive money, we spend it on outings. Then I work with them to write stories about their adventures. We enclose those stories with their thank-you notes or express gratitude over the phone.

Doing this for our extended family has created meaningful relationships. And every meal our family has enjoyed at Grandma’s house over the tablecloth my girl made for her has deepened the bond between my mother and my daughter — and reinforced to my daughter that gifts should come from the heart. After all, the best gift grandchildren can give to any grandparent is to return the love and joy they’ve received.

Grateful expressions

Finally, as you model and help your child develop a grateful attitude, set aside time to write handmade thank-you notes to friends and relatives. Even young children can participate by decorating simple cards with crayons, stickers, and rubber stamps. Make this a family project, as you help your children learn to develop the language of gratitude and be grateful kids.

For daily ideas cultivating generous, grateful kids this Christmas season, follow our Advent Calendar.