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Urgent Need: During the summer months, giving typically slows as the focus turns to time off and vacations. But family ministry doesn’t stop! We need your help to continue standing strong for life, marriage, and family. Will you become 1 of the supporters needed before 11:59 p.m. on August 31?
August 27, 2026
Distinguish between living in the world and being of the world can be tough for young adults. You can help them by being an example, letting the Holy Spirit convict them, initiating Spirit-led conversations, and by following Christ’s example.
Estimated reading time: 6 minutes
Parenting a young adult means watching them make choices you can no longer control — the music they listen to, the shows they watch, the image they project — and wondering if holiness even still matters to them. It’s a tension many Christian parents feel deeply: wanting to honor their child’s independence while longing for them to walk closely with God. The good news is there’s a way to guide young adults toward holiness without nagging or control — one rooted in example, prayer, and Spirit-led conversation.
“I have something I wanna talk to you about.”
An elder from our church had approached my husband during a routine coffee meeting. He started by saying how much he cared about our family and didn’t come to him to hurt or offend him. The elder wanted my husband to know this because he believed in holiness. Recently, he had a conversation with our eighteen-year-old daughter regarding the music she liked to listen to before worship team practice. She told him she really liked to listen to Tupac Shakur. He asked her why she listened to that type of music and asked if she knew that Tupac wrote deprecating lyrics about women and was not a godly example for teens to emulate. Our adult daughter shrugged her shoulders and went on her way.
He believed worship leaders should be set apart for the Lord. This meant not only that they tried to act in accordance with the word of God, but also that they were authentic in their behavior, meaning they were the same person Monday through Saturday as they were on Sunday. He didn’t oppose our daughter singing on the team, but believed she should eliminate that type of music if she wanted to be a worship leader.
Although we had conversations with our daughter regarding her music, wardrobe, etc., she couldn’t grasp the concept that part of a Christian’s life is to exemplify holiness. Although she was eighteen, she made far-from-wise decisions when it came to music, television, and fashion. Because she was an adult and we no longer could control her actions, we realized we would have to approach the subject in a different way.
Although the idea of holiness is not always just associated with a person’s dress but applies to every area of their lives, a teen’s lack of commitment to holiness can reflect a much deeper issue within their hearts. Outward behavior reflects inward character. Luke 6:45 says, “A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.
In today’s world, teens struggle to distinguish between living in the world and being of the world. When they scroll on their Instagram feeds more than they flip through the pages of their Bibles, they see little difference between the people who claim to know Christ and those who live like it.
John 14:15-16 is clear: “I have given them your teaching. And the world has hated them. The world hated these men, because they don’t belong to the world, the same as I don’t belong to the world. I am not asking you to take them out of the world. But I am asking that you keep them safe from the Evil One.”
Learn More About How to Practice Holiness Here.
By far the best way to reinforce any spiritual concept is to demonstrate it practically. As it is, teens don’t read their Bibles often enough. When they do, they’re merely reading it, but they’re not using commentaries and other resources to help explain the Word so that they can apply it to their lives. However, as they grow up, get married, and have children, they will revert to the example they saw at home. As a parent, you will ultimately become the definition of what a Christian looks like and how to practice holiness.
Once your child becomes an adult, they will listen to you less and to their world’s opinions more as they seek to navigate their newfound independence. Ultimately, the Holy Spirit is the one who needs to convict them in every area of their lives. If you choose to spend your time nagging at them to look a certain way, they may receive the mixed message that you are embarrassed by them or care only about the outward appearance rather than what is going on inside of them.
Regardless of how closely they follow the Lord in their adult years, the Holy Spirit has the power to convict and order their steps. Initiate Spirit-led conversations, where you treat your child like an adult and also allow them to make their own decisions. Don’t push your own agenda; rather, allow them to ask questions. Don’t allow any question to be off-limits. Allow your young adult to ask questions regarding modesty, fashion, and following the world. The more spirit conversations you have with them, the more they will feel as if you are honoring their independence and loosening the reins on being a parent.
Allow your child to make decisions regarding modesty and fashion without judging them. Instead, gently point them in the direction of more modest fashion, or make better decisions regarding music, movies, television, etcetera. Young adults still need to know they have their parents as an anchor in case they fall, but they also want to be treated as adults and want their parents to honor their decisions, for better or for worse.
Allow the Holy Spirit to convict them. Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to speak to them in a way that only they can understand. Not only will this increase their spiritual life and show them how to practice holiness, but they will also be able to take the advice of someone who is not a parent.
Following the example of Christ is hard enough in today’s world, let alone teaching your children how to practice what they read and hear. Instead of merely saying they need to be set apart from the world, be the best example you can. Point them to people whom you want them to adopt as role models and let the Holy Spirit do its work of conviction.
Holiness is a heart issue. Allow your child to examine and change theirs so that their outward example will reflect an inward transformation that only the Holy Spirit can initiate.
Michelle S. Lazurek is a pastor’s wife and mother, as well as a multi-genre, award-winning author and speaker. She is a regular contributor for ibelieve.com and crosswalk.com, a movie reviewer for Movieguide Magazine, and is passionate about making disciples and engaging in honest conversations for authentic living. She’s also a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services. When not working, she enjoys sipping a latte, collecting 80s memorabilia and records, and spending time with her family (including her crazy dog).
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