Custom CSS of Section contains Conditional Preview for See Life Campaign Elements

Less Scream Time

Share:
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email
Mike Kemp/Getty Images
Help young child understand how to work through their emotions instead of screaming or throwing tantrums.

Young children often scream when they feel frustrated or the need for your attention. If screaming helps them feel less frustrated or gives them your immediate attention, they will continue this behavior. To stop the pattern, here is what some parents have done:

Extinguishing Tantrums

When our daughter was 3, she would get worked up over having to transition to a different activity.
To help her, we would hold up fingers and tell her to “blow out” the candles. The simple action of
inhaling deeply and then exhaling helped calm her. If she didn’t blow hard, we would wiggle our
fingers and pretend the candles were flickering. Her tears soon turned to laughter, and she’d be
ready to move to the next activity.

—Shari Talbot

Tweaking Timeouts

My son, Kellen, refused to stay in timeout whenever I tried this form of discipline. Then one day,
after a lot of my son’s screaming as I repeatedly put him in his timeout chair, I chose not to
engage in conversation. I simply moved him back to his spot without giving him any attention.

Suddenly, there was silence. Silence had never happened during my son’s timeouts before. I set the
timer and saw he noticed. He sat quietly until the timer beeped.

Afterward, I knelt next to him and said, “I can’t hear screaming or talking when you’re in timeout,
but I can hear silence. When I hear silence, I will set the timer, and then you can come out of
timeout really fast.” This time, he heard me. It was a lightbulb moment for him — and for me.

—Trisha Bolanos

What He Needs Most

For a long time my husband and I struggled to manage our son Eli’s temper tantrums. We tried
disciplining, bribing and affirming him. Nothing worked until I asked him, at a time when he was
calm, what he thought he needed when he was angry.

His dark brown eyes looked up at me. “I just need you to hold me,” he said.

That’s it? I was shocked. The next time he started to throw a tantrum, I asked him, “Can I help you
calm down?”

He sat in my lap and sobbed. We didn’t talk. We rocked and cuddled. Then, when he was ready, he ran
off to play. Later, we talked about why he had been so angry.

Eli is now 10, and those days of extreme tantrums are in the past.

—Susan Burkepile

One Way to Handle Screaming

When my oldest son, Grant, was a toddler, he got frustrated easily and threw screaming tantrums. I tried speaking to him, holding him, and even picking him up and taking him to his room. But these tactics only seemed to make him angrier — and made me the audience for his “show.”

One day when he began to scream, I decided to exit the show. Without saying a word, I walked into my bedroom, sat down on my bed and began to read a magazine. Within minutes he came to me, still crying but more in control.

“You left me!” he said, whimpering.

“Screaming hurts Mommy’s ears,” I calmly replied. “I won’t listen to it. If you need help, you must use your words.” The next time Grant saw me exiting the room during a tantrum, he stopped screaming and asked me to stay.

—Katrina Arbuckle

It’s All In the Voice

To teach children to keep their voices in check, even when their emotions are running high, you might say:

“I know you don’t want to leave the playground, but Mommy can’t understand you when you’re sobbing. Try using your sad voice and say, ‘Mommy, I’m sad that we are leaving. I know we have to go, but I was having fun.'”

“I understand you’re upset that your friend took the toy you were playing with, but screaming doesn’t help. Can you use your kind voice and say, ‘I was playing with that. May I please have it back?’ and offer a toy to trade?”

“Wow! You made it across the rope ladder. You must be happy. Can you use your happy voice and say, ‘I did it!’?”

—Michelle LaRowe Conover

Pause the Screaming

I don’t always know what causes a tantrum, but I do know that my daughter can’t scream while she’s taking deep breaths. After she is removed from an activity, I remind her to take several deep breaths, and then I join her. We breathe this way together. Only then, when the emotions of the moment have settled a bit, do we talk about the problem.

Before too long, I noticed that when my daughter started to grow frustrated at trying to put on her shoes or in dealing with another child during playtime, she would stop and take a deep breath before continuing. By doing this, she is beginning to learn a simple process for self-regulating her emotions.

—Andrew Newton

Retooling Timeouts

When young-child tantrums start to wane by age 4, parents can begin to encourage self-control as a child’s next developmental step. Retooling timeouts is an effective way to teach self-control:

Start. Optimally, you begin this education before the timeout is needed. First, tell your children these timeouts are meant to help them stop and think about their actions so they can make better choices. (When used as a training tool, the timeout is not used as a punishment.)

Choices. During the initial talk, children can choose a timeout location. It should be around the periphery of the general living area. This distinguishes these timeouts from punishment, where the child may be sent to a bedroom, away from the family. A favored blanket or stuffed animal can be placed in the location to help children self-soothe and think things through.

Consequences. The purpose is to help kids understand that for every challenge, there are choices for their behavior. For each choice, there is a consequence. Some consequences are good, and some are unpleasant. To help kids understand this concept, you can draw and talk about the “choices” model (see model below). Have children name the model. You can use this term instead of timeout, if you like.

Graphic showing a large blue circle representing the problem, 3 green lines extending from the bottom of the blue circle representing choices, and 3 small red circles at the end of each green line representing consequences.

Timeouts can be used any time children need to correct their behavior or attitude so they can avoid punishment. Should a child refuse this option, then punishment for defiance is warranted.

Timing. When children are sent for these timeouts, they only need to stay as long as it takes to calm down and verbally identify the problem. Once they exercise self-control, kids can be rewarded with a hug or praise.

Review. After a successful timeout, parents and children should review the scenario together to identify behavioral options for the current problem, along with the consequences for each good or poor choice.

Helping kids understand this model of choices and consequences gives them a tool for making better decisions as they grow.

—Mary Martin

Dynamic CTA Template Below

Your Teen Needs You Most of All

No parent of teens is perfect and even the best can learn how to better connect with their son or daughter. Get practical action steps to better connect with your teenager in 8 Essential Tips for Parenting Your Teen in this FREE video series!

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.
Emerson-Eggerich4-840w

Understand How to Respect and Love your Son Well

Why doesn’t my son listen to me? Have you ever asked that question? The truth is, how you see your son and talk to him has a significant effect on how he thinks and acts. That’s why we want to help you. In fact, we’ve created a free five-part video series called “Recognizing Your Son’s Need for Respect” that will help you understand how showing respect, rather than shaming and badgering, will serve to motivate and guide your son.

Reconnected: The Digital Experience

Is the love there, but not the spark? Reawaken fun in your marriage and move from roommates to soulmates again with the help of this 7-part online video experience. Learn how to connect emotionally and spiritually as husband and wife using techniques such as dreaming together and establishing deep, heartfelt communication. The Digital Experience includes 7 teaching videos, an online study guide and access to additional tools and resources to help spouses reconnect.

Next Steps: Marriage Assessment

We want your marriage to be thriving and healthy. Take the free Marriage Assessment from Focus on the Family to learn how to strengthen your bond with your spouse and get the tools to help you need to grow closer together. 

Next Steps: Fruit of the Spirit Devotionals for Couples

The Fruit of the Spirit Devotional is a free series of nine short videos to get you into God’s Word and inspire you to seek the Holy Spirit’s help in loving your spouse.

Share:
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

About the Author

Read More About:

You May Also Like

Should Christians Celebrate Halloween
Boundaries

Should Christians Celebrate Halloween?

Should Christians celebrate Halloween? The answer is complex. As you and your family prepare for Halloween, continue to study, pray, and seek God’s wisdom.

whydoesgodallowsuffering
Doubt/Struggles with Faith

Why Does God Allow Suffering?

To answer the question: Why does God allow suffering?, you and your children will need some logic, communication, and patience, as well as an understanding of God’s wisdom and the Bible.

whydoesgodallowevil
Doubt/Struggles with Faith

Why Does God Allow Evil?

While the problem of evil appears complicated, it’s certainly not a theological showstopper. Using Scripture mixed with a healthy dose of logic, you can adequately address your children’s concerns about why does God allow evil?

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 5: It’s Going to be Amazing!

After a couple has chosen life, hear the heartwarming stories of children that culture would have cast aside, yet are making tremendous impacts in their communities. Whether the diagnosis was adverse or the circumstances were difficult, these stories will inspire you to come along side of families who have chosen life!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

see life episode 4 normal version

Please check back soon for an updated version of this episode!

Newest Release - Episode 4: Sometimes the Choice is Hard

Hear real life stories of parents who have made the decision to choose life even though the circumstances were overwhelming. You’ll see why “ALL” life is precious to God and why choosing life is always the right decision!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 6: Families Helping Families!

So, after all you’ve seen through the SeeLife ‘21 Episodic journey; what can you do now? We’ll share how you can partner with some amazing organizations that are making significant impacts in the pro-life movement! You want to Celebrate Life!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 3: The Power of a Picture

Have you ever wondered what a baby looked like in the womb? With today’s technology, Moms and Dads can see the baby’s heartbeat, facial expressions, and movements! You’ll find out why more women choose life once they hear their baby’s heartbeat and realize it’s a real living human!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 2: Heroes Providing Hope

Discover the amazing work our PRC’s Directors, Nurses, and Volunteers are making in their communities! You’ll see firsthand testimonies of a PRC in action, and that there are other options outside of abortions! You’ll also discover how your family can support your local PRC!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 1: The Truth About Life!

In this episode, we will tackle tough questions like, “When does life begin?” and “What does the Bible
say about Life?” You’ll discover and understand the stages of pre-born life and that babies are more than
just a clump of cells!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!