Intentionality in parenting means making a purposeful decision to spend time connecting with your kids. Intentionality is one of the seven traits for effective parenting.
Intentionality in parenting means making a purposeful decision to spend time connecting with your kids.
What would you do if you had an extra hour every day that you could spend doing anything you wanted to do? Would you sleep, exercise, or squeeze in some extra work? Or perhaps you would spend more time with your kids, your spouse, or with God.
As parents, we are bombarded on a daily basis with decisions, activities, and tasks. In our home, my wife and I bring our different backgrounds to our parenting. She was raised in a low-key, relaxed home. I come from a family that always seemed to be on the move. We’ve had to explicitly define the amount of activity our family will take on. And our children are good at speaking up, at telling us when they feel overscheduled. Family time is so valuable, and we’ve tried to manage it wisely.
This helps your child in several ways:
Kids with intentional parents learn that time together as a family is a valuable priority. They see their house as a home, a refuge, a place to connect—not a place to leave as soon as possible.
Kids learn that rest is important for effectiveness and connectedness. Rest is an important time to listen to what God is telling us, to grow in wisdom for the rest of our chaotic lives. Rest helps children mentally and physically prepare for the next set of life challenges.
When parents are intentional in connecting as a family, their children learn to listen, think and respond. They learn how to ask questions and how to share about their experiences. Making time for communication is essential to learning about each other and growing together as a family.
Kids from intentional homes better understand their own energy levels and capacity for activity. They learn when to agree to more activity and when to decline an opportunity. They are better at not letting worries or fears dominate their decision-making because they know that in authentic relationships it’s okay to say “no” when they need time to rest.
Intentional parenting involves imperfectly modeling and teaching these traits through a close relationship with Christ. Kids learn about honesty, responsibility, respect, and the Fruit of the Spirit — love, joy, peace patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, and self-control. They learn to serve each other in the home and others outside of the home.
I’ve met several parents who have honed the trait of intentionality. Their kids tend to show gratitude, maturity, discipline, and balance. Yes, these parents would be the first to admit that raising their kids this way isn’t easy and takes lots of energy and thought, but they would also say that it has gotten easier over time.
Like many parents, my wife and I have had to sift through options for camps, sports, activities, clubs, and all the other things seeking our attention, time, and money. The trait of intentionality—purposively designing hours and evenings for family—isn’t always fun or easy, but the precious time we’ve spent with our kids have proven to us that the effort is worth it.
Dr. Daniel Huerta is Vice President of Parenting and Youth for Focus on the Family, overseeing the ministry’s initiatives that equip moms and dads with biblical principles and counsel for raising healthy, resilient children rooted in a thriving faith.
He is a psychologist, a licensed clinical social worker, and the author of 7 Traits of Effective Parenting. For many years, he has provided families with practical, biblically-based and research-based parenting advice on topics including media discernment, discipline, communication, mental health issues, conflict resolution, and healthy sexuality in the home. He is passionate about coming alongside parents as they raise contributors, instead of consumers, in a culture desperately in need of God’s kingdom.
Dr. Huerta has been interviewed by various media outlets including Fox News, Fatherly, Christianity Today, WORLD Magazine, and CBN, and he is a frequent guest on Christian radio stations across the nation. He’s also written for publications, including The Washington Post, on various topics related to marriage and parenting. He participated in the development of Focus on the Family’s Launch Into the Teen Years, a resource to help parents prepare their kids for adolescence, and he speaks regularly at retreats, conventions, and online events.
Dr. Huerta has maintained a private practice in Colorado Springs, Colorado since 2003 and has served families through Focus on the Family since 2004. He and his wife, Heather, have been married since 1997 and love being parents to their three teen children, Alex, Lexi, and Maci.
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