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Urgent Need: Right now, many preborn babies are still at risk from abortion! Will you become a champion for life today? It takes just $60 to save a baby’s life!
Give now to save lives through the Option Ultrasound program!
Abstinence is a difficult topic to discuss with your kids. However, it’s an important conversation to have as your children continue to develop. Consider your approach to these conversations.
What is abstinence? It may be a common question for your kids, especially as they enter the tween and teen years. As a parent, you contain the key to unlocking the potential of conversations involving sex, sexuality, sexuality identity.
High school students are sexually active. There’s no denying this reality. Because of this parents are desperately seeking effective ways to protect their children’s sexual purity and virginity. Abstinence provides an important conversation for you and your children.
Sadly, many traditional methods of sexual prevention prove unsuccessful. In some cases, medical approaches to sexual prevention are even harmful to your children’s sexual and emotional health. As you read consider your family values, as well as spiritual convictions. Consider your child’s personality as well. Finally, develop a philosophy before you even begin conversations with your kids about abstinence.
Common Mistakes When Discussing Abstinence
Conversations about sex are awkward. They’re even more awkward with our kids. It’s easy to feel flustered and overwhelmed before these moments. So, it’s important to create boundaries and talking points based on age-appropriate values. Let’s take a look at three common mistakes parents make:
“Because I Said So”
Just because we have a conviction that sex is reserved for marriage does not mean our kids share that belief. Convictions require convincing, which is possible through convincing arguments or evidence. When we warn our kids not to have premarital sex simply “because I said so,” we are failing to provide the logical explanations and compelling reasons necessary for cultivating convictions. As a result, our kids learn to avoid getting caught having sex rather than avoiding premarital sex altogether.
Launch Into the Teen Years will get you and your teen talking.....
Created by parenting and youth experts at Focus on the Family, Launch covers all the topics you'll need: Bullying, Puberty, Boy/girl relationships, Sex and the body, How God sees you.
While we should spend ample time discussing the serious risks of STDs and pregnancy with our teenagers, our approach to instilling abstinence should also include the spiritual and emotional implications of sex. Otherwise, kids are likely to conclude that as long as they protect against disease and pregnancy, there’s nothing wrong with premarital sex.
Where Do You Turn?
While youth programs and church services can be highly beneficial, parents must take the lead in training their children. We should utilize church programs but focus our efforts on at-home measures.
Here are a few ways to effectively convey the importance of abstinence to our kids:
Have dialogues, not monologues. During parental “sex talks,” moms and dads often do all the talking while kids sit and nod. A more productive approach involves engaging our kids with provoking questions and two-way conversation so they have the liberty to express their thoughts, uncertainties and opinions. The subject of sex should not be a one-time talk. Instead it should be a common discussion throughout their development.
Explain why the Bible says premarital sex is a sin. Most people know the Bible warns against premarital sex, but few can articulate why. We should help our kids understand and appreciate the reasons the Bible calls premarital sex a sin.
Stress the value of virginity. When our kids understand that their virginity is a special gift that can only be given to one person one time, they start to view virginity as something valuable and worth protecting. We should ask our kids to imagine the thrill of telling their spouse someday that they saved the gift of their virginity for him or her.
Discussions about Abstinence
Physical Reasons for Abstinence
Risks include unplanned pregnancy and the spread of STDs.
Consider: The United States continues to have one of the highest teen pregnancy and abortion rates in the developed world. Due to both biological and behavioral factors, teens are at a greater risk for acquiring STDs. Research proves that nearly one-half of all newly infected STD cases in 2000 (the most recent year for data) was among teens and young adults ages 15-24. Although youth are at a higher risk for STD infection, only one-third of sexually active teens are tested for STDs.
Spiritual Reasons for Abstinence
God’s Word says that sex outside of marriage is wrong — not because God wants to inhibit pleasure but because He knows what’s for our best.
Birth control cannot protect a heart from the bonding and hurt that come when teens are sexually active. Research supports the fact that sexually active teens are at a greater risk for emotional stress, depression and even suicide.
We can look at statistics all day, but the true stories that impact real people often contain the deepest impact. In a moment, we’ll follow the paths of two young men who recall their experiences, which are affected by the navigation of sexual thoughts. As you read, consider how you might process these situations, your own experiences with sexual thoughts, and how to equip your kids to handle their own situations.
On the scale of uncomfortable things to talk about with your young kids; masturbation hovers around the top. But as awkward as it is, ignoring the topic won’t make it go away.
February 9, 2024
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