Deciding to Abort
I went from a girl that shamed people for aborting children to making the call to abort the very child growing in my belly. Yes, the thought of abortion made me physically ill, but what choice did I have? The thought of aborting this child was unbearable. But, having someone find out I was pregnant – especially my dad – seemed much worse. I had to keep my secret safe!
Several days before my appointment, I had everything prepared. My alibi was set, and my bank account was emptied for the cost of the abortion. One day after school, I stole a pack of cigarettes and walked down the street to smoke. I immediately fell ill and started throwing up on the side of the road. Thoughts raced through my head. “What am I doing? This is not me. But… I have no choice; it will be done before I know it. It will be my secret.”
I walk back to my car to head to work. My tire is flat. How could this be happening to me?!
Come to find out, someone knew my secret–God. And He had other plans in the works. As a teen, I barely made any money, so paying for an abortion and a tire simultaneously was not feasible. I couldn’t ask for money because my dad would know what I was planning, so I had no choice but to use the money set aside for an abortion to buy a new tire. Not realizing God’s intervention, I made two additional abortion appointments.
It Was A Baby, Not A Fetus
It wasn’t until the third appointment that I felt the baby kick. I felt it through my entire body. A kick that was frightening but finally made me realize that there was a living baby inside me. A baby with a heartbeat, a baby with a purpose. I finally felt connected to my daughter. That flat tire changed the course I had set for myself. That flat tire saved my daughter’s life and changed mine forever.
So, I was going to raise this baby all by myself. I went to an appointment to request government assistance. As I waited, even in a room full of people, I had never felt more alone. There were crying children with dirty faces, moms changing diapers on the floor and an odd odor in the air. This was nothing like what I pictured for parenthood.
Where were the laughing babies or glowing mothers? Then, as I looked around for a bathroom to calm down, I saw a roach on the same floor where a child was getting their diaper changed. There was probably only one, but all I could see at that moment was a room covered in roaches. That single roach multiplied instantly in my thoughts, and I had to get out.
Choosing Adoption Over Parenthood
I went home, and my stepmom presented me with the adoption option. It hadn’t even crossed my mind. I knew of adoption but thought it was only for parentless children in other countries. Besides, I wanted to keep my baby. After all, she kicked to let me know she was there right when I needed to feel her. I felt incredibly connected to her, her heartbeat, her soul. How could I give her up?
But, on the other hand, I had no idea how I would raise her on my wage of $25 a week. I couldn’t even afford clothing, let alone diapers, a nursery or baby food. I was still in high school and had no one to watch her while I was there or at work. So many thoughts!
This is when I made the decision to make an adoption plan for my daughter. Even if she hated me down the road, I knew she would be cared for, and it was the right decision – I was in no position to raise a child. I am so glad I made that decision. Now, 24 years later, I get to see even more of God’s plan and why He saved her after reconnecting. She was given a beautiful life that I wouldn’t have been able to give her. She was raised in a wonderful home, and she is so full of life. My daughter Isabella and I now have a relationship that I thank God for every day.
Everyone Can Choose Life
Unexpected pregnancies are terrifying! The whirlwind of emotions creates doubt and confusion like nothing else. My best advice for those considering abortion is to talk to someone. You are not alone, and you are loved more than you know. If God gave His Son – without hesitation – to save mankind, think about what He could do for you, His son or daughter. Abortion is not the only choice. I can assure you there are more alternatives and support than ever before. I thank God every day for that flat tire and the support I received since. Reach out to someone, plug into a church and lean on Christ for strength. You can do this!
