Considering having a baby can be a weighted question and a tough decision. It can be easy to overthink and get stuck in the muck of pros and cons or what-ifs. On the flip side (which I was more prone to, personally) is not thinking through about how having a child affects our lives. There is wisdom in asking the question, “Should I have a baby?” and seeking the Lord for that answer.
The Best Time To Have A Baby
Everyone is going to have a different opinion on the best time in life to have a baby. Only you can decide this for yourself. There are way too many factors and nuances in life to be able to fit every person! However, there are some things to consider.
Age
They say age is just a number in how we feel, right? Often age can play a big part in choosing to have a baby or waiting. I believe our age being “just a number” is true here as well. For one person at 25 they may feel ready to become a parent, while others may still feel unstable in their circumstances. Age can also be a factor in not waiting too long since fertility naturally lowers over time.
“My husband and I very much enjoyed being young parents. We had energy for them. My body was physically able to maintain pregnancies and births well.” -Leah
Relationship Status
Being married and in a healthy, committed relationship is vital. Adding a baby cannot fix an unstable relationship. In fact, it is very common that having a baby adds some strain to relationships as you adjust to new roles together. Does your relationship have a strong foundation to navigate these changes? Are you in an emotionally safe relationship that will be a support throughout the ups and downs? In addition, it is helpful to have friends and family members who are also raising children. Check out your local church for family groups.
Financial
There are expenses with raising children from medical bills to diapers to long-term needs as they grow. It’s wise to consider how your job might be impacted and what time you have available for maternity and paternity leave. Are you in a place financially to support another person? What resources might you need to seek to get to that place? Are there debts you could pay off and savings you could start? What will your plans be after birth for childcare, or are you able to stay-at-home? What sacrifices might you need to make? And whom can you partner with?
While it is important to look realistically at the income needs, don’t forget there are a lot of resources out there to support new families such as buying clothing and items used, assistance with food from the government and the church, things that you can make or do to save your family money etc.
“I found myself making things and finding a lot of community resources that my children and I could enjoy for free or at a little cost. We didn’t have much.” – Danielle
Health
It truly is a miracle that God designed women’s bodies so that can we create another human within us! But, even with the beauty of this miracle it can be physically hard at times as our bodies are stretching, moving organs around, and preparing for labor. Are there health goals you need to meet first? Are there supplements you need to add or medications that need to be shifted? Are there things you need to cut out? Talk with your doctor to discuss how you can best prepare your body for pregnancy.
Am I Ready To Have A Baby?
There are so many joys in having a baby! From the sweet newborn snuggles to the memories made together over the years. Honestly though, one of the areas I wasn’t expecting to be such an adjustment was the emotional and mental changes that come with pregnancy and becoming a mom. The reality of parenthood is that, like with all things that are beautiful and worthy, it takes work. It isn’t always easy, and it can be refining to now live life with another person’s needs often above your own. Between the rollercoaster of hormones and the lack of sleep, several times I fell into a postpartum depression and needed support.
Take inventory of your mental and emotional health. Do you feel ready to take on more responsibility? Are you ready to adjust your lifestyle– from how you spend your time, your sleep, or putting a few plans on hold for now? Do you have a support system in place that you can ask for help when needed?
“Age 25-28 to me is ideal; old enough to be mature and have had some life experiences, young enough to have the energy, and can potentially enjoy grandkids at a younger age” -Kim V.
Hope In The Unexpected
Sometimes we have a baby in what doesn’t seem “ideal” circumstances. I had two unplanned pregnancies prior to marriage that felt not-ideal– still God worked it all out, whether through entrusting my daughter into another parent’s arms through adoption or stepping into my mothering role as a young mom. I also experienced shock when I saw two pink lines when we had planned for our family to be complete! Yet again, God was present, and He taught us so much through those experiences. He used these times to grow our trust in Him and provided for all our needs– emotionally and physically.
Even when we lay out our perfect plan in life, know that God still has the final say. He is the one who actually has the perfect plan and timing, even when it doesn’t seem like it.
Sometimes that means we feel ready in every way. But God has different timing and has us in a season of waiting. There are many Biblical examples of that from Sarah and Abraham (Genesis 21) to Hannah (1 Samuel 1). Regardless of when motherhood comes to you, in whatever form it comes, trust His plan. Sometimes the timing is a decision made for us by God– one that we can choose to embrace.
“For me thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
Isaiah 55:8-9
