Words of Comfort for Miscarriage
When someone you love experiences a miscarriage, it can feel impossible to know what to say—or whether to say anything at all. You don’t want to make things worse. You don’t want to say the wrong thing. And yet, doing nothing feels equally painful.
If you’ve ever found yourself wondering, “What can I possibly say to help?”—you’re not alone. Supporting someone through miscarriage takes tenderness, courage, and compassion. The good news is, you don’t have to have perfect words. You just have to be present.
Key Takeaways
- Start with compassionate presence
- Understand the whole-person grief
- Be mindful of triggers
- Common phrases can come across as hurtful
- Recognize your own pain and how to care for yourself
- Practical ways to help
- Thoughtful miscarriage gifts
- Comfort from Scripture
- Moving forward with hope
- Summary
Start with compassion
Trying to comfort someone who has lost a baby can feel intimidating. You might fear saying the wrong thing or stirring up more pain. But Scripture reminds us that presence matters more than perfection:
“Two are better than one… For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow…” Ecclesiastes 4:9–10
Sometimes we don’t know what to do, but being together is enough.
“Weep with those who weep.” Romans 12:15b.
It may feel uncomfortable, but let someone express their emotions without trying to explain them away or suppress them. It’s ok to be quiet and let the emotions come.
“If one member suffers, all suffer together.” 1 Corinthians 12:26a
Jesus Himself modeled compassion when He wept with Mary after Lazarus’s death—even though He knew He would raise Lazarus again. (John 11:33–35) His tears showed empathy and an understanding of the hard moment before offering hope. When you respond with that same kind of compassion, your friend will feel seen and loved.
Instead of trying to fix the pain, try simply saying:
- “I don’t know how you feel, but I care deeply and I’m here for you.”
- “You don’t have to do anything. Just know I’m here.”
Sometimes, the most healing thing you can say is nothing at all—and sit beside them in their grief.
Understand the Whole-Person Grief
Miscarriage doesn’t only affect the body—it touches the spirit, soul, and emotions. It can strike at the core of a woman, especially when she was looking forward to being a mom. We see that acknowledging the depth of these hurts is ok. The Bible gives us good examples of the deep grief that can be felt.
“My soul is in deep anguish. How long, Lord, how long?” Psalms 6:3
King David shared his intense spiritual and physical distress with the Lord. It is ok to be honest.
Jesus shares with his disciples and friends, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.” Matthew 26:38b
Jesus knew the deep pain that affects our whole being. He leaned on his friends.
“Therefore my spirit faints within me; my heart within me is appalled.” Psalms 143:4
When a mother hears that her baby no longer has a heartbeat, her body, mind, and spirit can all wounded. Physically, her body endures trauma. Emotionally, she may feel shock, guilt, anger, or numbness. Spiritually, she may feel distant from God or question His goodness.
When you consider these layers of pain, it deepens compassion. Healing takes time—and your friend may not always respond “rationally.” Grief rarely is rational or timely.
Words of Comfort for Miscarriage and Triggers
Every sense—sight, sound, touch, smell—can bring a painful reminder. A baby shower invitation. The sound of a newborn crying. A perfume worn during pregnancy. Or the date of the birth or loss can be triggering.
You can’t predict every trigger, but you can respond with grace when they arise. If she suddenly grows quiet or pulls back, don’t take it personally. Simply say, “I can see this is hard right now. It’s okay to step away.” And remember to give yourself grace. There is grace for all who are doing their best to offer words of comfort regarding a miscarriage.
When in doubt, follow her lead. If she mentions her baby’s name, use it too. Listen as she talks. She doesn’t need to say or feel the way you would. This affirms that her child was real, loved, and remembered.
If your friend has experienced a miscarriage, remember that her senses are processing through a filter of grief, pain, guilt, hormones, and shock. All five senses have been overloaded. Her body feels the pain, her eyes have seen death, her ears have recorded sounds of trauma. Her arms ache to hold and protect the child who has been lost. It is important to show kindness, patience, and understanding even if the grieving person is impatient, weepy, or angry. Unconditional love will be required for words of comfort to reach a wounded heart who has experienced miscarriage.
Warning: Common phrases that can cause harm:
Even well-intentioned words can sting when filtered through grief. Avoid phrases that minimize the loss or imply it was for the best. Steer clear of anything that starts with “at least …” that minimizes another’s feelings.
In addition, here are some common missteps that we all tend to say and how they might be heard. (See the graph.)
Finally, keep your words simple and true:
“I’m so sorry.”
“Your baby mattered.”
“I’m here, whenever you want to talk.”
A short note, text, or meal left on the porch can also communicate care.
Additional Triggers
“Can I see a picture?”
- The words “see” and “picture” are words that tap into the sight sense. If there is something in the picture that the parent is still processing, mentioning it activates the mind to access memory, they may not be ready to process. Some parents also feel protective of photographs and find this question intrusive.
“How did the doctor tell you about the loss?”
- This question stimulates the sense of hearing. Again, her mind will access what she heard, and that sense can activate the pain of the memory.
“Did you get to hold the baby?”
- This question accesses the memory that came in through the sense of touch. If there are painful memories in those senses, you will have set off a landmine of pain that could have been avoided.
Join Laura Huene and her husband Josh as they share their experience with an adverse diagnosis.
What if I Lost a Child?
If you’ve experienced miscarriage yourself, your friend’s loss may reopen old wounds. Permit yourself to grieve again. Healing isn’t linear—and offering comfort may stir emotions you thought were long settled.
If you are the father, it is ok to process through the disappointment or even lack of feelings at this moment. Make sure to give yourself permission to talk to a friend and God about where you are.
Take care of your own heart even as you care for hers. God’s grace is big enough for both of your stories.
Suggestions for Coping:
- Share Your Story. Talk to your spouse, a trusted friend, a family member, or even a counselor about your experience of loss. Keep a journal to record your story and feelings associated with the loss.
- Grieve Freely. And permit yourself to do so. This may include setting personal boundaries with family and friends to protect yourself from difficult people or situations for a time (e.g., baby showers, people who tend to be insensitive, baby dedications or christenings).
- Accept Help. While boundaries may be necessary, it is also important to let family and friends know how they can help support you. They may not take the initiative or know what would be helpful, so be sure to clearly express your needs and be open to receiving their support.
- Seek Support. Consider joining a local or online support group (see Online Support Resources at the end of this series) as you navigate the grief associated with your loss.
- Turn Toward, Not Away. Navigating miscarriage grief as a couple can be difficult, as each partner tends to express their grief differently. It is essential to keep the communication lines open and turn toward each other during this time.
- Create Mementos. Part of what makes miscarriage so tricky is the absence of memories and tangible keepsakes. Create or purchase these items to honor your child who died. Some ideas include ornaments at Christmastime, a special blanket, or a necklace or other piece of jewelry by which to remember. Create a memory box — which might include your positive pregnancy test, an ultrasound image, your personal thoughts, a poem or drawing — and designate a special place in your home to house these items. Share these items with family and friends as you feel led, which will help them see that your child was a real baby, valued, and loved.
- Honor your Child. You can do so by naming your baby or doing something to honor your baby on the due date or on other special days. Examples include lighting a candle, releasing a balloon, or making a donation to a related cause in your child’s memory.
- Share with Your Other Children. It is normal to struggle with the daily activities of parenting after a miscarriage. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from grandparents, relatives, or friends. You may wonder how or what to tell your child(ren) after a miscarriage occurs. Consider their age and maturity level, then share openly and honestly what you are comfortable with in a way that conveys the facts and your feelings. Sharing the story with your child(ren) will teach them about the value and preciousness of every life.
- Seek Spiritual Comfort. Approach God in prayer.
Resources:
Talk to a Counselor
Reach a counselor toll-free at 1-855-771-HELP (4357).
Practical Way to Comfort Someone Who Had a Miscarriage
If you think about your friend, and if you allow the compassion of Christ to fill your heart, you are not going to fail at the mission to love your grieving friend. Just your presence is likely going to provide a measure of comfort. Be bold and courageous in your unconditional love. Let your light shine so brightly that when your friend looks back, it will be said, “I had a friend who was there for me. I am loved, and I was not alone.” You can do it. You can share in their pain, show real love, and be a part of the healing process. You can offer words of healing and comfort for a miscarriage. Here are a few meaningful ways to love a grieving friend or spouse:
- Show up. Sit quietly. Listen more than you speak.
- Meet tangible needs. Bring meals, run errands, or care for other children.
- Mark the memory. Light a candle, plant a flower, or give a keepsake with the baby’s name.
- Remember the dates. A simple message on the baby’s due date or anniversary says, “I haven’t forgotten.”
- Pray with and for them. Even silent prayers can bring peace when words are hard to find.
Grace Like Scarlett: Grieving with Hope
With tenderness, Adriel Booker shares her own experience of three consecutive miscarriages, as well as the stories of others. She tackles complex questions about faith and suffering, inviting women to a place of grace, honesty, and hope in the redemptive purposes of God without offering religious cliches or pat answers.
7 Thoughtful Miscarriage Gifts
1. Non-Material Gifts for Baby Loss
Material goods aren’t the only kind of gifts for those who have miscarried. One woman shared, “When I miscarried, my friend came and hugged me and said nothing. It was what I needed.” It may sound cliché, but hugs, space and silence are free.
A dad responded, “We miscarried in 2015 with our first baby. His name was Brave. We were so devastated, and some days still find ourselves grieving even after two healthy babies and a new one about to be born. We were left with many crippling questions, and our whole world stopped.
The gift that I remember being the most memorable from people was the gift of space. I know that’s not physical or tangible, really, but we were grieving and in desperate need of the healing presence of the Lord, and not the pressure of people. Especially being in ministry in the capacity that we are in, people tend to be overbearing when it comes to a crisis. But not this time. It’s like they just knew. So people gave us that space…and food.”
2. Flowers, Food or Meals for Grieving Family
A bouquet of favorite flowers or a care package is a thoughtful gesture. Heather shared, “My grandmother sent me a dozen roses. It was unexpected and sweet. It helped.”
Food gifts can also be thoughtful and helpful. If there are other children in the home, it can be comforting that no one has to cook or worry about what the kids will eat. Also, the mother’s body is trying to recover from the trauma. Her mind is trying to process what has happened. Likewise, she may not even think to eat. One or both parents may have taken off work because of the miscarriage. There may be issues with expense or preparation to have food for an unplanned time at home. It is easy to order from a delivery service in many areas. Lisa shared, “When I miscarried my son, Jonah, the first gift I received was a pizza from my sister-in-law. I’ve eaten a lot of pizzas in my life, but that is the one pizza I have never forgotten.”
3. Memorial Miscarriage Gifts
Many men and women have no way to memorialize their child — no ultrasound photos, no baby blanket, no grave to visit. Therefore, a soft memorial gift can give them something to hold in their hands. Mary Ellen, an 85-year-old crafter, prays for families as she crochets mini memorial baby blankets.
Other memorial miscarriage gifts could include soft stuffed animals, embroidered miniature blankets and mini quilts. Organizations like The Arbor Day Foundation offer programs to honor a loved one by planting a tree. Bibles can be donated on behalf of those who pass away. The Gideons International offers a memorial Bible.
A lovely gesture could also be an inscription, like the one offered by The Kentucky Memorial for the Unborn. The beautiful granite memorial wall stands in a tranquil area of the Frankfort Cemetery.
4. Keepsake Gifts
When Norma was given the news that her preborn child had passed, her sweet husband ordered a unique keepsake necklace featuring a pair of tiny baby feet.
Other keepsake miscarriage gifts could be bracelets, birthstone rings, embroidered pillows, scripture plaques, necklaces or a memorial box the size of a shoebox for mementos. You can personalize the keepsake gifts if you know the baby’s name. But make sure to double-check spelling.
5. Cards, Books or Certificates
Cards are appropriate during the initial time of grieving or even on the anniversary date of the miscarriage.
When a child is validated as important by others, there can be an incredible amount of comfort and peace for a parent. Similarly, issuing a framed or frameable life certificate can be a token of this recognition.
6. Hobby Gift
A personalized gift can express thoughtfulness. If the mom or dad has specific collections or hobbies, you could select a gift with this in mind. For example, Willow Tree has figurines that feature a mom and baby, a dad and baby or both parents holding a child. Likewise, a father who collects coins could be given a commemorative coin with the current year to recognize his child. A mom who collects Christmas ornaments may like a memorial ornament.
7. Handmade Miscarriage Gifts
Baby loss gifts aren’t always easy to find. For those who are crafty and resourceful, there are precious miscarriage gifts that can be made, such as baby bracelets, drawings, paintings, pillows made from a maternity dress, or even embroidered items. For example, a bracelet with the child’s name it can be a lovely memorial item.
Regardless of what you choose to give, there are great rewards for showing love to those who are hurting or are in need. Scriptures like Luke 6:38, 2 Corinthians 9:6-8 and Deuteronomy 15:10 make it clear that God blesses the giver, but we also see that He is a lavish gift-giver Himself. A gift seems insignificant in the light of a tragedy, but do not underestimate the comfort and healing power of a thoughtful gesture of love in a time of need.
Comfort From Scripture
God understands loss. He holds every tear, every heartbeat, and every broken piece of the human heart. Let His Word guide your compassion and fill your friend with hope.
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalms 34:18
“My soul melts away for sorrow: strengthen me according to your word.” Psalms 119:28
“For, though he causes grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love.” Lamentations 3:32
“Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” Romans 15:13
You can gently share these verses with your friend, write them in a card, or speak them in prayer together.
Moving Forward With Hope: Comfort with Miscarriage
There’s no timeline for grief. Others may expect your friend to “move on,” but real healing happens slowly. Encourage her that moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting—it means learning to live again while honoring her baby’s memory.
If you remember one thing, let it be this: your presence is the comfort. Because when love shows up, grief doesn’t get the final word. You don’t have to fix her pain or explain God’s plan. Just walk beside her, reflect Christ’s compassion, and remind her she’s not alone.
In Summary
When someone you love experiences a miscarriage, your greatest gift is compassionate presence. You don’t have to have the right words—just a caring heart that’s willing to sit in the silence. Start with empathy rather than explanations: say things like, “I’m so sorry,” or “I’m here for you.” Avoid minimizing phrases such as “You can have more children” or “It’s all part of God’s plan.” Remember that miscarriage affects the body, soul, and spirit, often bringing waves of physical pain, emotional numbness, and spiritual questioning. Be mindful of triggers like baby showers or due dates, and follow her lead—if she mentions her baby’s name, use it too. Every small act of compassion, from a note or text to quietly sitting beside her, communicates that her child mattered and that she is not alone.
You can also offer tangible comfort in thoughtful, gentle ways. Bring meals, run errands, or help with other children. Remember important dates with a simple message or small remembrance. Gifts that honor the baby’s life—like a keepsake necklace, a candle, or a tree planted in memory—can bring deep comfort. For those grieving themselves, take time to process your own pain, seek support, and lean into God’s grace. Share Scripture that reminds of His nearness, such as Psalm 34:18, and pray together when the time feels right. Above all, continue showing up long after others have moved on—because your steady love, presence, and prayers reflect the compassion of Christ, reminding your friend that even in loss, hope and healing are still possible.
