Focus on the Family Broadcast

Letting Go of Offenses

Letting Go of Offenses

Radio host and author Brant Hansen discusses the importance of humility and forgiving others in a discussion based on his book Unoffendable: How Just One Change Can Make All of Life Better.
Original Air Date: June 20, 2018

Preview:

John Fuller: Today on Focus on the Family, Brant Hansen shares a personal story about letting go of anger.

Brant Hansen: I’ve had to work through forgiving my dad instead of living in response to that the rest of my life. Because I could say, “Well, it’s righteous anger. He was so wrong.” Like, yeah, he was wrong. But I don’t wanna be defined by that for the rest of my life.

John: Mm-hmm.

Brant: And God has forgiven me. I’ve got to let go of that anger in order to be healthy.

End of Preview

John: It’s pretty easy to get offended, isn’t it? Uh, people at work, at home, or even on the freeway can do things that hurt our feelings. And it may seem they’re trying to get under our skin, but maybe we need to take a deep breath and, uh, think about how our own attitude factors into those scenarios. Today we’re featuring a great conversation on Focus on the Family with radio personality, Brant Hansen. He’s got stories and insights about how you can let go of offenses and anger even when it’s hard to do. Your host is Focus president and author Jim Daly, and I’m John Fuller.

Jim Daly: John, not long ago we spoke with Brant Hansen on this great topic of being unoffendable, (laughs) and that’s the title of his book, Unoffendable.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: I think the larger culture has no idea what to do with the pervasive anger we see around us, and this lack of forgiveness, it is ruining our lives. The Bible says in Colossians that we should put away anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk. And then Matthew 6 says, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you.” And that is good news.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Uh, those are some of the issues you’ll hear today to help you in your walk with Christ. And if you’re not yet a believer, this discussion will help you also in letting go of the offenses a little better.

John: And Brant Hansen is well known for his unique and humorous syndicated radio broadcast. In fact, he’s won an award for National Personality of the Year more than once. And he’s an advocate for healing children with correctable disabilities through Cure International. And uh, as Jim said, uh, Brant’s book is called Unoffendable: How Just One Change Can Make All of Life Better. The book has now been revised and expanded, and we have copies of it here at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.

John: Let’s go ahead and get started with this conversation on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. Now Unoffendable

Brant: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Let me get to it. Why are we offended so often by people? Even for those of us who claim Christ and we know the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, goodness-

Brant: Well-

Jim: … self-control. Why does that guy that cuts me off on the road get to me so easily?

Brant: Well, number one, I think, with anger’s being threatened at some level. I think we know that, that it’s threat. So I guess somebody cutting you off at some deep level, some primal level or something is like-

Jim: (laughs)

Brant: … “He’s gonna get to the food before I get there,” or something.

Jim: (laughs) Now you’re, you’re kind of getting a little close here, you know?

John: (laughs)

Brant: (laughs)

Jim: All these years you’ve finally figured it out.

Brant: But there’s something deep down there that’s like, “Why are you entitled to this, but not me?” So we feel threatened. But that’s anger across the board. There’s things that make us feel threatened that should make us feel threatened.

Jim: So there is a good response, I guess?

Brant: Well, there’s a natural anger that happens.

Jim: Let’s describe them. Let’s go with what’s a normal, you know, anger response and what is over the top. Give us some idea.

Brant: Well, if your, if your parents are abusive-

Jim: Yeah.

Brant: … or you’ve gone through some horrible things in your life, somebody’s taken the life of a family like… Anger, of course, is gonna be a response to that. I mean, we’re actually wired for fight or flight. We’re wired to have all these physiological reactions that happen when we’re threatened. The problem is for the Christian, um, the idea of when does forgiveness actually begin? Or are we supposed to stay angry because we’ve been taught… And I think this is to get at your question about why this is such a big issue for Christians, we’re we’re not taught out of anger. We’re told that, “Well, it’s righteous anger. My anger’s righteous.” So we hold onto it. The problem is, and this is the shocking thing in the book, that when people first hear about it, they’re like, “That can’t be true.” I’m saying in the book that there is no biblical righteous anger for humans. God’s anger is righteous. Yes, Jesus’ anger is righteous. He’s holy.

Jim: Yeah.

Brant: But for us, we’re not good orbiters of our own anger. We feel threatened when we don’t need to. We’re supposed to get rid of anger before the sun goes down.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Brant: That doesn’t mean that it’s righteous.

Jim: Yeah.

Brant: If it’s so righteous, why are we supposed to get rid of it right now?

Jim: Yeah.

Brant: And there’s no good scriptural argument for holding onto anger and having entitlement to it.

Jim: Well, that, that’s the bottom line. And there are different levels, as you said, the most serious being, uh, you know, abused by another human being-

Brant: Sure.

Jim: … in, in some form or fashion. And the need for the protection of anger. Anger hopefully, will drive you to a better place by getting distance from that abusive situation. So we realize that-

Brant: Absolutely.

Jim: … that most of our day-to-day lives though, deal with lighter touches of this. I’ll give you an example, but I want you to fess up here and give us some of your examples.

Brant: Oh.

Jim: But one of mine, I was on a flight, I’ve, I’ve got a lot of miles, almost 2 million miles on this airline. So I’m in a particular status, you know. So if I ask for a, an aisle seat, I usually get it. Well, somehow I got bumped from the aisle seat I had booked, and I’m in a middle seat.

Brant: (laughs)

Jim: And I’m sitting there thinking, “Okay, do I get irritated?”

Brant: Uh-huh.

Jim: I mean, I don’t know. The other thing is travel conveniences when you’re disrupted from your normal game plan.

Brant: Right.

Jim: That’s another area, a simple area where you can get irritated quickly.

Brant: Mm-hmm.

Jim: John, you’re laughing, but-

John: Uh, no, I totally get it and I’m, I’m just thinking of you in the middle seat. You’re a big guy.

Jim: But I had, I had to like purposefully say, “Okay, mistakes happen. Let’s give it a pass. No big deal.” And of course I called my wife, said, “Would you believe they put me in a middle seat, you know?”

Brant: Mm-hmm. Right.

Jim: “I am six foot two and used to play football,” all that stuff. But at some point you gotta say, it’s okay, Lord, this is a first world problem.

Brant: Well, I get aggravated when they put a six-foot two guy in the middle seat next to me.

John: (laughs)

Jim: Well, by the way, they put all of us in the same row.

John: (laughs) Exactly.

Jim: Yeah, we got nice and cozy. (laughs)

Brant: You know, okay. So this happened to me yesterday flying. It’s the same thing-

Jim: [(laughs) Okay.

Brant: I got our, our flight was delayed. All the other flights, it was, it wasn’t too foggy to delay them, but it was too foggy for our flight.

Jim: (laughs)

Brant: And I’m watching the planes take off and they kept delaying my flight and I missed my connection, and I got crabby with the lady-

John: Mm-hmm.

Brant: … and had to apologize. And then she got a kick out of the fact that someone was apologizing. But it happens all the time. I do think as we get older and more mature, especially as believers, it happens less ’cause we realize this isn’t a threat and I can deal with life. But the biggest reason for actual forgiveness and ex- and surrendering our so-called right to anger is because we are sinners too. Like Jim, you know, this.

Jim: (laughs) Yeah, thanks.

Brant: Like, like you have let people down as well.

Jim: For sure.

Brant: And even if they’re wrong, “I’ve done just as bad.” This is the status we have as believers. It’s not because they deserve forgiveness, it’s because I didn’t. Like that’s why I’m able to extend this and I think waking up in the morning, this is why, where I’m going in my book, like wake up in the morning and realize this is going to happen. When you get on the interstate and people cut you off, you shouldn’t be shocked again.

Jim: Yeah.

Brant: “I can’t believe this. C-, can you believe people?” Yeah. Believe it.

John: Hmm.

Brant: These are humans. Believe it. When you travel sometimes we don’t get what we want. It aggravates me too, but I’ve gotta adjust to reality and wake up and think, “Today I’m going to extend the forgiveness that God has given me toward other people, and I’m not gonna be shocked by their behavior.”

Jim: Yeah. I remember, um, when I wrote Finding Home, my first book about, uh, you know, the story of being an orphan kid, which I had to go through all that as a young boy.

Brant: Mm-hmm.

Jim: And the one of the criticisms I received, and you deal with criticism in Unoffendable

Brant: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … because criticism comes our way-

Brant: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … certainly as public people.

Brant: Totally.

Jim: I remember one person when I first started doing the radio program here Focus, somebody wrote in and said, “Jim Daly’s voice is too high.” I went, “Wow, that’s something I just can’t help if people are offended by that. I’m sorry, and I’ll pray that God would give me a bit lower of voice for you.”

Brant: Wow.

Jim: But I mean, you can’t do much about that kind of thing. Um, the oth- but in this case, um, somebody reviewing the book said, “Daly’s best advice is to keep your expectations low.” Which for me, they just missed the whole point. What I was trying to say, there is one way to survive a world that is often offending you is to realize that people are people, that- Brant: Yes.

Jim: Mom and dad are gonna let you down-

Brant: Right.

Jim: That relatives are gonna let you down. That you’re gonna let yourself down. Now you could tag that with low expectations. I say it’s realistic expectations. Would you agree?

Brant: Absolutely. And when someone says, “I can’t believe what my mom just said.” Like think about that. Unpack that. How long has your mom been saying stuff like that?

Jim: Like, “Take out the trash?”

Brant: Yeah. 57 years, right?

John: (laughs)

Jim: (laughs)

Brant: Well, at some point go ahead and believe that she said that people do things like people do and they’ve done it for thousands of years.

Jim: Yeah.

Brant: I mean, the first two brothers that were born, one of ’em killed the other one.

Jim: Yeah.

Brant: The idea that we’re shocked by human behavior we… If you’re a Christian believer, I mean, we should be the people who are not shocked.

John: Mm-hmm.

Brant: We know what our hearts are like. We know what God’s been willing to do for us. Like so to continue, for us to be constant, righteous anger and just be up in arms about how everybody else is behaving doesn’t make sense. We should be the ones who are the least surprised by they’re behavior.

Jim: I know. And I guess that realization that we are in a broken world, we’re still sinners, but we’re saved by grace-

Brant: Right.

Jim: … Thank you Lord.

Brant: Right.

Jim: And we’re trying to rectify these instantaneous impulses in us. You have a, I think a, a parking lot story or where you almost got in a fight or something.

Brant: Oh, sure.

Jim: Now tell yours and I’ll tell mine. (laughs)

John: (laughs)

Brant: You know, you may be conflating different stories.

Jim: I don’t know. Well go for it.

Brant: But, um, yeah, I mean like I’ve had one day to the next, I’m in a parking lot and I’m pulling out and I was taking too much of the center and I was blaming the person pulling in, and then someone was in the place where I was yesterday and I was blaming him. And all that to say it’s always, we are always the victims.

Jim: Absolutely.

Brant: In our minds, and there’s actually a proverb that says, “The first to testify always seems right.”

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Brant: The first to te-, in, in my mind, guess who the first to testify is, in every conflict and every inconvenience and every… It’s, it’s me. So obviously I think I’m right. I always think my anger’s righteous. But yeah, we’ve had that. I think I cited in the book almost getting in a fistfight about a ping pong. (laughs) I’m sorry, I’m still laughing about this, but the ping pong thing with my church fellas.

Jim: (laughs) Okay. This is good.

Brant: I know. Well, I-

Jim: Confession is good for the soul.

Brant: It was, I didn’t even realize it was a fi-, like I’m not naturally giving, I don’t pick up on cues like I said, and then I realized, “This guy’s about to punch me in the face.” It was just about-

Jim: What did you do? Did you cheat at ping pong?

Brant: No, I, I was saying that the rules are, “The serve goes this way,” like we were playing doubles.

Jim: (laughs)

Brant: (laughs)

Jim: So you were straightening this guy out.

Brant: Totally. Well, I guess. And, um, but to have to stick it out. I mean, my point in the book was we stuck it out. We’re still friends. Like we know we’re broken, but people split up all the time.

John: Mm-hmm.

Brant: We split up with our church family. We split up because we’re constantly getting offended. This is the way the whole world operates. We should be the ones that don’t. Like, we’re the ones who don’t ’cause we know we’re broken.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Brant: So we should go, “Yep. That’s us again.” And extend forgiveness as God’s forgiven it to us, to other people. This is what we should be like.

Jim: Now, it’s one thing to laugh about these funny encounters, and they happen from time to time, but hopefully in your sanctification process, what you’re driving at is they’re fewer and fewer.

Brant: Yes.

Jim: In terms of occurrence, they’re happening with greater time, distance, right?

Brant: I think that’s right.

Jim: Um, is that the goal? What about the person that wakes up every day, the believer who’s saying, you know, “I’m offended again.” If you’re feeling offended quite often, is that something you should look at?

Brant: Yeah, I think so. If, and here’s the weird thing, once we call it righteous anger, we pat ourselves on the back for being angry-

Jim: Yeah.

Brant: … instead of doing the opposite, which is deal with your anger. Get rid of it before the sun goes down.

Jim: How do we know it’s righteous anger?

Brant: We don’t. That’s just it. God knows his anger’s righteous ’cause he’s holy.

Jim: Okay, but some people hearing that right now are saying, “No, no. Brant, I know what righteous anger is. When I get upset at this politician-”

Brant: Mm-hmm.

Jim: “… or this abortion doctor.”

Brant: Mm-hmm.

Jim: “… or that gay couple that lives nearby.”

Brant: But see, here’s the, here’s the problem. You’re a sinner, and God has chosen to forgive you in a cost of blood. Like, can you extend that to other people? This is not to say what they’re doing is right. See, that’s where people get thrown, is they’re going, “Oh, I guess everything’s okay, then. You’re just being a relativist.” Totally not. What I’m saying is that God’s been willing to forgive me. I have to forgive my anger against them because I’m the unmerciful servant if I don’t.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Brant: Look what he’s done for me. Jesus makes this story very obvious, like one man’s forgiven a lot and won’t extend that to someone else. Now that said, we should still take action against stuff. But people confuse anger with action in our culture, you probably noticed. They think tweeting about something, “Look how angry I am.” Everybody’s angry all the time about everything.

Jim: That’s today’s culture.

Brant: Right. But what we’re called to do is actually take action to correct injustice, actually to do things. Anger does not help us do that with a clear mind.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Brant: It actually inhibits our clear mind. We don’t want our police, our military, acting out of anger, but we do want them taking action. And so this is what I’m called to do as a believer, is to actually do things, sacrifice do what I can, but patting myself on the back for being angry actually doesn’t help anybody.

John: Mm-hmm. Well it may be that, uh, you’ve got some food for thought. I hope you’ll stick around because we have more from Brant Hansen on today’s Focus on the Family. Um, we, he’s written a great book, Unoffendable: How Just One Change Can Make All of Life Better. And, uh, we’ve got the book and a CD, or download of our conversation at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.

Jim: Uh, Brant, you had to wrestle with some faith issues when you were a young man. Um, I think there were some anger issues When you’re a boy. Describe what was going on and, and how you began to get a handle on your anger, even as a child.

Brant: Yeah. This is hard to talk about, but it’s a good question and I do reference it. I’m a preacher’s kid and we went through a lot of stuff in the home from my dad that was the exact opposite of what he was preaching. I saw him preach three times a week.

Jim: Right? How old were you and how did you translate that?

Brant: This was all the way growing up. It, it-

Jim: So was it-

Brant: Until the first.

Jim: Hypocritical or?

Brant: Oh, totally. I was scared at home. My parents divorced-

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Brant: … when I was in seventh or eighth grade, and then remarried each other and then divorced again. Squaring that with the reality of faith is very difficult. And it made me extremely skeptical and I am a very skeptical person. It’s just, I’m so skeptical and I write about this some, but just I’m so skeptical it’s chased me background to Jesus, because I-

Jim: That’s a good thing.

Brant: … because yes, I think it is, because you see human nature, I think.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Brant: And I don’t know anybody else who does anything about.

Jim: Hmm.

Brant: Like he’s the only one that acknowledges sin and then does something about it that I can find. And the things he said about how we’re not all, we’re not good, none of us just strikes me as that’s accurate.

Jim: You’re right. (laughs)

Brant: So he says that like he’s got the words of life and I don’t know where else to go. The alternatives are not appealing to me. But yeah, I’ve had to work through forgiving my dad instead of living in response to that the rest of my life. Because I could say, “Well, it’s righteous anger. He was so wrong.” Like, yeah, he was wrong. But I don’t wanna be defined by that the rest of my life.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Brant: And God has forgiven me, I’ve got to let go of that anger in order to be healthy.

John: Hmm. That’s big.

Jim: Yeah. And I appreciate your heart. I think in the book you mentioned a time when you were prepping for your radio program and you were in, maybe you didn’t recognize it at first, but you were going to a subscription.

Brant: Oh no, I recognized it.

Jim: Okay, so why don’t-

Brant: (laughs)

Jim: Rather than me painting the wrong picture, why don’t you paint the picture?

Brant: Well, think about this. I’m a Christian radio host, actually used to know this guy. We used to be friends and he wasn’t a believer that I knew of or anything, but he did a radio prep service, which cost a subscription. It was like $50 a month. And it gives you like the stuff to talk about that day.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Brant: And so I had a password for it and so I would download it and use it without paying. And this went on at this Christian station I was at for six, eight months. And suddenly he emailed me while I was downloading it and said, “Hey, what’s going on man? Just checking in.”

Jim: (laughs)

Brant: And I was like, “Oh no, he can see, you know, my IP address or something. And he knows the Christian Guy is stealing his stuff.”

Jim: Hmm.

Brant: I guess this went on for a year. I owed him like 600 bucks. And so I could barely function like, “I’ve been stealing your s-. I, I, Mr. Christian, whatever, have been stealing from you for about a year.”

Jim: Huh.

Brant: “And I need to send you a check for $600.” And he wrote me back and said, “You know what? I’m going to forgive you. Don’t worry.” So here’s the non-Christian guy, seemingly. Like I know who I am. And we kid ourselves if we think we’re not bad.” And so when I recall that sort of stuff, it’s very difficult not to extend that forgiveness to other people. Like if God has let me go for being that kind of person, why can’t I extend that to other people? I have to, I don’t have a choice.

John: Is that a one-time decision, Brant or is it a process?

Brant: No. It’s every day. That’s what I think, I think-

John: No, I mean, I’m thinking about a, a specific offense that has occurred. Do you like even as big as the, the deal with your dad. Did you forgive him and move on?

Brant: No. It’s on, it’s a, that, I think it’s an ongoing decision. It does get easier, but I think it’s the, it’s the decision to relinquish the right to anger. ‘Cause again, you’ll feel things, but it’s the idea that, “I’m not entitled to this anymore-”

John: Mm-hmm.

Brant: “… because of what God’s done for me.” And to be sure we know people have had family members murdered and they let go of that anger because they have to. That’s the thing too, besides the fact that Jesus commanded us to forgive people, just physiologically it’ll lengthen your life.

Jim: Yeah.

Brant: Like Jesus knows us. And he’s giving us a way of forgiveness where we actually flourish. And if we reject that way, we’re going to suffer. And again, not just physiologically, but our relationships suffer. We go through, it torpedoes other relationships because we got anger that we haven’t let go of.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Brant: Because we’re constantly living in reaction to that thing that happened to us yesterday or 20 or 40 years ago, and we’ve got to let it go.

Jim: Yeah. You, you share a story in the book about a car accident. I think that, uh, I, I don’t know if it was a friend of yours that was involved in this, but what happened in this car accident? How, why was it an illustration that you used?

Brant: Okay. She’s e- extremely intelligent and her, her dad is a very high-ranking professor at a major university, and she’s an intellect and in an agnostic. She drove into a construction zone and hit a guy, and actually it cost him his legs.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Huh.

Brant: And she went and visited the hospital room and he forgave her.

Jim: Huh.

Brant: And he said, it’s because, “I believe in God and because I’m a Christian, I have to let this go. And I want you to know I’ve forgiven you.” Well, she’s now a believer because of that.

Jim: Wow. The power of forgiveness.

Brant: Yeah. Because there’s nothing else in the world that would give you that resource to do that. Uh, my wife was attacked by a guy on the street last year, and we had to wrestle through this. This is after I wrote the book. So it’s like, “Okay, now what you got?” And the police didn’t arrest him. I had to wrestle with that after writing the book. The police did not arrest the guy, and he kept walking past our front window. We live on the sidewalk practically, like we’re in a townhouse, an old townhouse. I saw him every day walking… My wife would see him. I kept, I went to the mayor, the police like, “Why haven’t you arrested this guy? He assaulted her on the street, threw her on the ground, put her in a headlock, all this stuff.” Like, um, but what had to pray about it. And I went and finally I was relentless and got him arrested. But it took a long time, but I never gave up. It was like I still was taking action, but it was like we were praying for him to the point that our, we felt for him.

John: Mm-hmm.

Brant: And we actually asked for leniency in the sentencing. We wanted mental health evaluations. We wanted… But we got that way because we realized we are sinners. That’s a long story short.

Jim: No, that’s a good story.

Brant: Well, and I, I hope people realize too, I’m not against putting someone in jail or anything like that. It was just amazing how your heart changes when you surrender that right. And I didn’t give up on getting him arrested. I think it’d be really compelling in a world of offense if Christians were the ones that we’re not offendable.

Jim: Well-

Brant: Because we know we’re broken.

Jim: Without a doubt. I mean, that should be the way, right?

Brant: Yeah. Wouldn’t that be incredibly compelling to people? Like, yeah, there’s right and wrong, but we’re broken too.

Jim: Yeah.

Brant: There’s all these scriptures about how anger resides in the lap of fools. It’s all negative about human anger. In James 1:20, it actually says, and people never memorized this first because it doesn’t work for our theology, but the verse actually says, “There’s nothing about man’s anger that brings about the righteousness of God.”

John: Hmm.

Brant: And we still think, “Well, my anger’s righteous.” Like, that’s not in the Bible. God’s anger’s righteous, God’s vengeance is righteous. He’s entitled to certain things ’cause he’s holy, that we’re not entitled to.

John: Hmm.

Jim: That is powerful. So powerful. Uh, let’s work through a few more examples. For the Christian, uh, what’s the alternative to reacting angrily and acting offended? How do we, I mean, role play with me.

Brant: Oh man. So I guess we’ll take you to the airport, Jim.

Jim: (laughs) Hey, if you can drive for me, that’s perfect right there.

Brant: Well, here’s the thing. I would, what is-

Jim: You’re sitting on a plane and-

Brant: Yeah.

Jim: … you’re not getting the service you think you deserve.

Brant: I think you can act without anger and it’ll be better than if you had anger. Dallas Willard said that too. He’s like, “There’s nothing you would do with anger that makes it better.”

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Brant: You can do it without anger and do it better.

John: Okay. So you guys have brought a lot of travel examples and, and I do travel and so I’ve, I’ve experienced some of those, uh, incidents and had some of those feelings, but I’m thinking Brant of, um, a harder place to let go of anger, and that’s in the home.

Brant: Mm-hmm.

John: Uh, at home is where I find myself getting triggered. I keep a happy, nice Jesus person face on here at work, but I get home and there’s a part of me that comes out that I don’t like. So what can I do before I get home tonight to kind of prepare for that?

Brant: Well, again-

John: Because I, I know everything we’ve talked about here-

Brant: Right.

John: But there are, there are buttons, the, the…

Brant: I think understanding it, first of all, that you, you’re not entitled to right to this anger again and entering into, before you even go into that situation, if you can ask God on the way home-

John: Mm-hmm.

Brant: … for 10 seconds, like, “God, please help me to be forgiving.” Like, it’s really weird too. I’ve been married 28 years now.

John: Yeah.

Brant: And, to continually be put off by who my wife is and for her to be put off by me, we know all this stuff now. And to be able to practice this with, with each other and drop things is so fresh.

John: Yeah.

Brant: And so wonderful. Like quit trying to reform everybody and police the world. In your own home, it’s really hard because you’re living with humans. It’s never gonna end. You’re always gonna be chafing against… And, and again, it’s not to allow all behavior, like, “Well, now my kids can do whatever they want.” That’s not it at all. But the idea that I’m gonna be continually offended that my wife doesn’t give me a heads up on directions when we’re driving. Like, like, how long is that gonna go on before I’m like, “Yeah, we’re broken, and we can have a sense of humor about it.” I think even allowing that we should drop things is a huge step, and then reminding ourselves before we go into it. I do think workplace is actually not easy for people and, and people are constantly offended at work.

John: Oh yeah.

Brant: And it’s a great idea to, to go, “These are the people I’m with. Um, God put me with them and my boss is gonna do stuff that my boss does.”

Jim: Yeah.

Brant: “Now, how do I love, love him or her, anyway.”

Jim: Brant, when you look at it, I so often think of marriage in that context.

Brant: Uh-huh.

Jim: … because you, you know, how many times have we had marriage experts here, John? It’s Gary Thomas or Gary Chapman, or some other marriage expert, Greg Smalley, our very own. But when you get down to it, you think, “Why God? Why have you designed it like this? Why do you pull opposites together so often?”

Brant: Mm-hmm.

Jim: I know not everybody is that way. But you pull introvert and extrovert together and night owl and morning person, dark chocolate, milk chocolate.

Brant: Uh-huh.

Jim: And then you put ’em together and say, “Okay, make it work.” And then you irritate each other. And I think really it’s simple.

Brant: Mm-hmm.

Jim: It really is simple to become more like Christ, which is what giving sacrificial, not as selfish.

Brant: Totally.

Jim: (laughs) And, and you think of that system and then with what you’re doing here with Unoffendable, it’s similar in how you deal with people. Why does the Lord allow people to irritate? Well so that you could become more like him and look beyond that irritation to what God has created.

Brant: And this is love.

Jim: Yes.

Brant: Like when you don’t feel it and you still extend grace to the person behind the counter or the person at work. Like, apparently God is really pleased by that. Apparently it’s obedience. I mean, this is what love looks like when you’re not feeling it in a marriage, for instance.

Jim: That’s exactly right.

Brant: And your wife, like when I was writing the book, my wife brings me tea. And I know she’s not feeling in love with me and she’s had a long day or whatever. I may have just aggravated her and she still does it. That is love.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Brant: Like, so this is a chance, it does shape us to make us more like Christ, but it’s also, this is God’s love language, I think.

Jim: Yeah.

Brant: Is when we do things for people that aren’t doing anything for us.

Jim: Well, Brant Hansen, you have done a wonderful job. I think this is food for thought. If we’ve irritated you today, be sure to contact us-

John: Call Brant.

Jim: … on Focus on the Family. (laughs)

Brant: (laughs)

John: We’ll post Brant’s number.

Brant: Yeah, totally.

Jim: But seriously, folks, this is where it’s at. This is the action. I would love, and I work at this every day, and I don’t do it perfectly. And Jean would be the first to tell you. But it is something we as Christians need to exemplify. We should be different from the world.

Brant: Mm-hmm.

Jim: And this is one of the core areas. If everything’s offending you, maybe you need a deeper relationship with Christ. And that’s good and true for every one of us. And Brant, you’ve done a wonderful, uh, job here in Unoffendable, trying to help us better understand, uh, the journey the Lord has for us. Thank you.

Brant: Thank you, guys. Appreciate it.

John: Well, what a good conversation today on Focus on the Family with Brant Hansen on a really serious topic that affects so many. And if you’re struggling with anger, or you’re sensing your home as a powder keg, or maybe you have a real division with others, give us a call because we have caring Christian counselors and we’d be happy to set up a time for you to talk with one of them.

Jim: Yeah, John. And it takes a lot of energy to be angry. Think of that. And as Brant said, “Letting go of that anger demonstrates God’s heart for others, and you get a benefit from that as well.” If this conversation has spoken to you, I wanna invite you to follow up with us. Uh, start by asking for Brant’s book, Unoffendable, and if you can make a monthly gift of any amount to support the outreach of Focus on the Family today, we’ll be glad to send you a copy of the book as our way of saying thank you for being part of the ministry. If you’re not able to support Focus monthly, make a one-time gift, and we’ll send you the book as well.

John: Call for the book or to speak with one of our counselors. Our number is 800-232-6459, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. You can also find all that you need at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. On behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team, thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family. I’m John Fuller, inviting you back as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.

Today's Guests

Unoffendable: How Just One Change Can Make All Of Life Better

Receive Brant Hansen's book Unoffendable for your donation of any amount. Plus, receive member-exclusive benefits when you make a recurring gift today. Your monthly support helps families thrive.

Recent Episodes

Focus on the Family Broadcast logo

Living a Life of Bold Faith (Part 1 of 2)

Dr. Erwin Lutzer implores Christians to stand for their faith and refuse to hide. Dr. Lutzer helps Christians to defend biblical truth with confidence and compassion. The discussion also helps equip us for suffering that may come as we stand for our faith in a culture that desperately needs God. (Part 1 of 2)

You May Also Like

Focus on the Family Broadcast logo

A Legacy of Music and Trusting the Lord

Popular Christian vocalist Larnelle Harris reflects on his five-decade music career, sharing the valuable life lessons he’s learned about putting his family first, allowing God to redeem a troubled past, recognizing those who’ve sacrificed for his benefit, and faithfully adhering to biblical principles amidst all the opportunities that have come his way.

Focus on the Family Broadcast logo

Accepting Your Imperfect Life

Amy Carroll shares how her perfectionism led to her being discontent in her marriage for over a decade, how she learned to find value in who Christ is, not in what she does, and practical ways everyone can accept the messiness of marriage and of life.

Navigating a Toxic Culture with Your Daughter - Part 2

As a pediatrician, Dr. Meg Meeker has seen thousands of girls come through her office through the years. They struggle with eating issues, sexual identity, social media…and many other challenges in this toxic culture. Dr. Meeker will encourage parents to invest love and time in their daughters and develop their character to give them the best opportunity for a bright future, all rooted in a spiritual foundation. The discussion also includes healthy feminism vs. toxic feminism

Mrs. Meg Meeker

Dr. Meg Meeker is a pediatrician who is widely recognized as one of the country’s leading authorities on parenting, teens and children’s health. With appearances on numerous nationally syndicated radio and TV programs, her popularity as a an expert on key issues confronting families has created a strong following across America. Her work with countless families over the years served as the inspiration behind her best-selling books which include Strong Fathers, Strong DaughtersStrong Mothers, Strong Sons and The Ten Habits of Happy Mothers

Cover image of Dr. Meg Meeker's book "Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture"

Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture: 11 Steps to Keep Her Happy, Healthy, and Safe

Meg Meeker has been a pediatrician for more than thirty years, is a mother and a grandmother, and has seen it all. She knows what makes for strong, happy, healthy young women–and what puts our daughters at risk. Combining that experience with her famous common sense, she explains the eleven steps that will help your daughter–whether she’s a toddler or a troubled teen–to achieve her full human potential.

Cherishing Your Spouse Every Day

Do you love your spouse, or do you truly cherish them? Gary Thomas encourages couples to make a daily effort to go beyond the ‘duty’ of love, and combat the natural inclination to drift apart, by choosing to see the best in their spouse.

Mr. Gary Thomas

Gary Thomas is an international speaker and best-selling, award-winning author whose books include Married SexSacred Marriage and Sacred Parenting. He has also written numerous articles for several prominent national magazines. Gary and his wife, Lisa, reside in Texas and have three children. You can learn more about Gary by visiting his website, www.garythomas.com.

cherish front cover

Friends, Partners, and Lovers: What It Takes to Make Your Marriage Work

“Most marriages survive by gritting teeth and holding on. But marriages can and will not only survive but thrive when husbands and wives learn to cherish one another.” Those are the powerful words of bestselling author Gary Thomas in his newest book–Cherish. And in a world desperate for marriage redemption, it is needed now more than ever. Thomas shows that although there are a countless number of marriages consisting of two people just going through the motions, there are real ways this pattern can be reversed: when husbands and wives learn to cherish one another in proven, loving, and everyday actions and words.

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 2: Heroes Providing Hope

Discover the amazing work our PRC’s Directors, Nurses, and Volunteers are making in their communities! You’ll see firsthand testimonies of a PRC in action, and that there are other options outside of abortions! You’ll also discover how your family can support your local PRC!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video about see life episode 4 normal version

Newest Release - Episode 4: Sometimes the Choice is Hard

Hear real life stories of parents who have made the decision to choose life even though the circumstances were overwhelming. You’ll see why “ALL” life is precious to God and why choosing life is always the right decision!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 3: The Power of a Picture

Have you ever wondered what a baby looked like in the womb? With today’s technology, Moms and Dads can see the baby’s heartbeat, facial expressions, and movements! You’ll find out why more women choose life once they hear their baby’s heartbeat and realize it’s a real living human!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video about see life episode 5 normal version

Newest Release - Episode 5: It’s Going to be Amazing!

After a couple has chosen life, hear the heartwarming stories of children that culture would have cast aside, yet are making tremendous impacts in their communities. Whether the diagnosis was adverse or the circumstances were difficult, these stories will inspire you to come along side of families who have chosen life!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 6: Families Helping Families!

So, after all you’ve seen through the SeeLife ‘21 Episodic journey; what can you do now? We’ll share how you can partner with some amazing organizations that are making significant impacts in the pro-life movement! You want to Celebrate Life!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Praying Scripture Over Your Child’s Life - Part 2

Jodie Berndt loves to pray for her children. She’s been doing that for the past thirty years. Now she helps other parents to talk to God, asking for the salvation of their kids, and for wisdom, self-discipline, purpose, a future and much more. She offers fun and practical encouragement that moms and dads can put to work immediately in their daily lives as they prepare their children for a life in Christ.

Headshot of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Jodie Berndt

Jodie Berndt

Jodie Berndt is a public speaker, a Bible teacher, and the the author of 10 books. Find out more about Jodie and get some free resources (including printable prayer cards and calendars) at her website, jodieberndt.com.

Cover image of Jodie Berndt's book "Praying the Scriptures for Your Children"

Praying the Scriptures Over Your Children

You will discover how using the Bible to shape your desires and requests opens the door to God’s provision—and frees us from things like worry and fear in our parenting! This expanded edition of the bestseller features updated content on issues like technology and identity, and comes with new material designed to invite children into the family prayer circle. Purchase now and receive 10% off your product.

Effective Habits to Embrace in Parenting

To be an effective parent, you must be a leader in your child’s life, guiding with a gentle hand and setting a solid example. Dr. Randy Schroeder provides the insight you need to be a leader-parent. As he explores the foundational Rs—relationship, routines, responsibilities, and rules—you’ll better understand the role you play in your child’s life. You’ll learn great phrases to employ such as “Either/Or/You Decide” and “When You/Then You”. While there is no perfect parent, this nuts-and-bolts material will equip you to lead your child in a loving, confident manner.

Headshot of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Dr. Randy Schroeder

Dr. Randy Schroeder

Dr. Randy Schroeder has spent more than four decades writing, counseling, speaking, and teaching. For nearly 25 years, he was Vice President of Student Personnel Services, Dean of Students, and a professor of pastoral counseling at Concordia Theological Seminary in Fort Wayne, Ind. He’s also led a successful counseling practice helping individuals, couples, and families to thrive in their lives and relationships.

Cover image of Dr. Randall Schroeder's book "Simple Habits for Effective Parenting"

Simple Habits for Effective Parenting

Effective parenting is now within your grasp! With this inspiring how-to comprehensive book, achieve extraordinary results in raising a child to be self-assured, self-reliant, and responsible! You will be able to successfully lead and lovingly encourage your child toward a Godly life!

The Spiritual Battle for Your Marriage

God designed marriage to reflect His love to the world; and because of this, the enemy wants to destroy God’s beautiful design. Based on his book, Defending Your Marriage, Dr. Tim and Noreen Muehlhoff share about the reality of spiritual warfare against marriages, and how to combat the enemy’s lies with the truth of God. Couples will be encouraged that they’re not alone in the fight for a godly marriage and better equipped to be a shining example for the world around them.

Tim and Noreen Muehlhoff Cropped

Dr. Tim and Mrs. Noreen Muehlhoff

Dr. Tim Muehlhoff is a professor of communication at Biola University in La Mirada, California where he teaches classes in family communication, interpersonal communication, apologetics, gender, and conflict resolution.  Tim and his wife, Noreen, are both on staff with Biola’s Center for Marriage and Relationships  where he is a co-host of The Art of Relationship podcast. 

Defending Your Marriage

Is your marriage under attack? Sometimes it can feel like the world is trying to tear your marriage apart. Internal conflicts or external pressures might make you wonder if something sinister is going on. How can you tell if you’re facing spiritual opposition? And what can you do about it? Tim Muehlhoff provides a straightforward resource for protecting your marriage from the threats of the evil one. He looks at what Scripture says about spiritual warfare and how our everyday struggles have deeper spiritual realities. And he provides practical steps for guarding our marriages with the whole armor of God.

Reigniting Your Passion for Jesus - Part 1

For those of faith whose passion has waned over time, Kim Meeder will reinspire you in your relationship with Jesus Christ as she tells powerful, true stories about God that will spark renewed joy in your heart and encourage you to share the Gospel with others.

Headshot photo of author Kim Meeder

Kim Meeder

Kim Meeder and her husband, Troy, are the co-founders of Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch, a non-profit organization in Bend, Oregon, that rescues abused horses and pairs them with hurting kids for mutual healing. Kim is a popular motivational speaker and the author of a half dozen books including Hope Rising and Bridge Called Hope, which feature inspirational stories from her ranch.

Revival Rising

With enthusiasm that will set ablaze your passion to reach the hurting, Kim Meeder encourages you to let the holy fire of God’s presence fill your heart, soul, mind and strength. As your fear and pride melt away, those around you who are losing their battle for hope will be transformed by encountering His redeeming love in you. This–this is revival rising.

Reigniting Your Passion for Jesus - Part 2

For those of faith whose passion has waned over time, Kim Meeder will reinspire you in your relationship with Jesus Christ as she tells powerful, true stories about God that will spark renewed joy in your heart and encourage you to share the Gospel with others.

Headshot photo of author Kim Meeder

Kim Meeder

Kim Meeder and her husband, Troy, are the co-founders of Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch, a non-profit organization in Bend, Oregon, that rescues abused horses and pairs them with hurting kids for mutual healing. Kim is a popular motivational speaker and the author of a half dozen books including Hope Rising and Bridge Called Hope, which feature inspirational stories from her ranch.

Revival Rising

With enthusiasm that will set ablaze your passion to reach the hurting, Kim Meeder encourages you to let the holy fire of God’s presence fill your heart, soul, mind and strength. As your fear and pride melt away, those around you who are losing their battle for hope will be transformed by encountering His redeeming love in you. This–this is revival rising.

Mothers and Sons: Being a Godly Influence - Part 2

Rhonda Stoppe describes her early motherhood challenges of raising a son, which was intimidating to her. She found help through group of older women mentors. She urges moms to see their role as ministry in shaping sons to be good and godly men. Rhonda outlines several practical suggestions to moms about spiritual training, how to communicate with boys, and supporting the father-son relationship as a wife.

Headshot of Rhonda Stoppe

Rhonda Stoppe

Drawing upon 35 years of experience as a mentor, pastor’s wife, and homeschool mom, Rhonda Stoppe offers encouragement and guidance to women as an author and public speaker. She is popularly known as the “No Regrets Woman,” as she is especially passionate about helping women live life without regrets. Rhonda’s books include Moms Raising Sons to Be MenReal Life Romance, and The Marriage Mentor, which she co-authored with her husband, Steve.

Cover image of Rhonda Stoppe's book "Moms Raising Sons to be Men"

Moms Raising Sons to Be Men

Mothers of boys have the special calling to shape future men of God. Popular speaker Rhonda Stoppe, mom to two sons, knows this opportunity is a challenge, a joy, and probably the most important work of a woman’s life. Drawing from years of experience, this inspirational resource will revive the faithfulness and fortitude a woman needs to partner with God as they shape the character and heart of a future godly man.

Identifying Triggers in Your Marriage - Part 2

They were both convinced they had married the wrong person. From almost the very beginning of their marriage, Amber and Guy Lia experienced various tensions and personality clashes related to house cleaning, backseat driving, workaholism, and intimacy. In this two-day Focus on the Family broadcast, Amber and Guy discuss how they bravely faced the triggers head-on, and committed to working on their own relationships with Jesus. As you listen to the Lia’s story, you’ll feel hope that you, too, can see real marriage transformation!

Headshot of Guy and Amber Lia

Mr. and Mrs. Guy and Amber Lia and Mrs. Jean Daly

Amber Lia is a work-at-home mom, blogger, public speaker, and co-author of two best-selling books. Her husband, Guy, is a former TV, feature film, and VFX development and production executive who has worked on popular TV shows and films. Guy and Amber own Storehouse Media Group, a faith- and family-friendly TV and film production company based in Los Angeles,

Cover image of the book "Marriage Triggers" by Guy and Amber Lia

Marriage Triggers: How You and Your Spouse Can Exchange Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses

A husband-wife team offers practical advice for married couples to end the cycle of reactionary arguments by examining the most common issues that trigger disagreements and apply God’s Word to radically transform relationships.

What to Do When You're Not Okay - Part 2

Life can be pretty stressful. Between work, relationships, and other obligations, the pressure builds, and we lose sight of who we are. Counselor Debra Fileta helps you better understand your emotions, assess your mental, physical, and spiritual health, and intentionally pursue a path to wellbeing. In dealing with anxiety, depression, and panic attacks, Debra understands the importance of self-examination as well as the benefits of seeking professional help. She offers biblically-based advice, tools, and encouragement to help you get on a path toward healing and wholeness.

Author Debra Fileta in the Focus on the Family broadcast studio

Mrs. Debra Fileta

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married SexChoosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage. Debra resides in Pennsylvania with her husband, John, and their four children.

Are You Really Okay?

Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are

In Are You Really OK? author and licensed counselor Debra Fileta challenges you to get real with who you are and how you’re doing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically so you can recognize where you need growth and healing.

Embracing Your Role as a Spouse

As a spouse, you have three roles to play—a friend, a partner, and a lover. On this one-day Focus on the Family broadcast, Pastor Kevin A. Thompson explores those different roles and challenges you to live them out by investing emotionally, physically, and mentally in your relationship. As friends, he suggests we learn to play and laugh together. As partners, he equips us with solid ways to handle conflict and communication. As lovers, he offers some thoughts on how to bring back the sizzle. He shares five keys to saving your marriage: humility, respect, mercy, communication, and resilience. You’ll be encouraged to intentionally invest in your marriage.

Headshot of Kevin Thompson

Pastor Kevin Thompson

Kevin A. Thompson (MDiv, Beeson Divinity School) is lead pastor at Community Bible Church, a growing multi-site church with four locations in western Arkansas. Every year he meets with nearly one hundred couples with a range of needs, from pre-marital counseling to navigating the most serious betrayals. A marriage and parenting conference speaker, he and his wife, Jenny, have two children and live in Fort Smith, Arkansas. He blogs at kevinathompson.com.

Cover image of Kevin Thompson's book "Friends, Partners & Lovers"

Friends, Partners, and Lovers: What It Takes to Make Your Marriage Work

With engaging stories and clear, simple language, pastor Kevin Thompson shows how to live out three distinct roles in marraige. Using solid biblical principles, he helps you and your spouse grow your friendship, be supportive partners through the good times and the bad, and develop a healthy and satisfying sex life.

Sharing Your Faith with Grace and Purpose

You can confidently and lovingly share your faith—you just need to learn some new tactics to do so! In this Focus on the Family Daily Broadcast, apologist Greg Koukl outlines the “Columbo” tactic of asking questions, the “self-defeating argument” tactic to find holes in your opponent’s arguments, and other specific methods for engaging in faith-building conversations with others. Greg pulls from his over 30 years of experience debating atheists and agnostics to help you share your faith with grace and truth.

Mr. Greg Koukl

Greg Koukl is a writer, public speaker and talk show host who’s spent 30 years advocating for and defending the Christian worldview. Greg has written or contributed to 15 books, including The Story of RealityTactics, and Precious Unborn Human Persons. Greg has published nearly 230 articles and has spoken on 80 college and university campuses in the U.S. and abroad.

Tactics front cover

Tactics, 10th Anniversary Edition: A Game Plan for Discussing Your Christian Convictions

In a world increasingly indifferent to Christian truth, followers of Christ need to be equipped to communicate with those who do not speak their language or accept their source of authority. In Tactics, 10th Anniversary Edition, Gregory Koukl demonstrates how to artfully regain control of conversations, keeping them moving forward in constructive ways through thoughtful diplomacy. You’ll learn how to stop challengers in their tracks and how to turn the tables on questions or provocative statements. Most important, you’ll learn how to get people thinking about Jesus.

Loving Your Spouse Through the Seasons of Marriage - Part 1

Debra Fileta has identified the four seasons of marriage that correspond with our natural seasons – spring (new life and new love), summer (things get hot!), fall (showing our true colors), and winter (long days ahead). In this interview, she will help couples better understand the four seasons of healthy relationships, what to expect during each one, and how to carefully navigate them for a stronger marriage.

Author Debra Fileta in the Focus on the Family broadcast studio

Debra Fileta

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married SexChoosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage.

Love in Every Season: Understanding the Four Stages of a Healthy Relationship

Every relationship goes through four life-changing seasons: Spring. Summer. Fall. Winter. Each season plays an important role in taking your relationship to the next level. And depending on how you navigate each season, your relationship will either flourish and grow, or it will slowly die. Whether you’re single, dating, engaged or married, join licensed professional counselor and relationship expert, Debra Fileta as she takes you on an eye-opening psychological and spiritual journey through the four seasons that she has observed in every healthy relationship.

How a Former Abortion Doctor Became Pro-Life

As an abortion doctor at Planned Parenthood, Dr. Patti Giebink believed she was helping women. Later, she began reading scripture and God gradually changed her heart on the abortion issue. Patti tells the story of her long journey from abortion doctor to pro-life and encourages listeners to share the message of life with compassion.

Headshot image of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Dr. Patti Giebink

Mrs. Patti Giebink

Dr. Patti Giebink is an OB-GYN who serves on the board of the Alpha Center, a well-known pregnancy center located in Sioux Falls, S.D. She also travels intermittently to work in mission hospitals in Pakistan and other countries. After completing her medical training, Dr. Giebink worked for Planned Parenthood from 1995-1997, during which she was the only abortion-provider in the state of South Dakota. She eventually experienced a radical change of heart on the issue of abortion after receiving God’s grace, forgiveness, and love, and she is now a passionate advocate for the pro-life movement.

Cover image of the book "Unexpected Choice: An Abortion Doctor’s Journey to Pro-Life"

Unexpected Choice: An Abortion Doctor’s Journey to Pro-Life

Unexpected Choice is told from the perspective of a doctor who actually performed abortions through Planned Parenthood. The book chronicles her journey from being a pro-choice physician to someone speaking on behalf of the pro-life movement.

Giving up Sugar, Tasting God's Goodness

As a latchkey kid, Wendy Speake turned to sugar for comfort. Every Friday, she would pedal to the candy show and use her allowance to fill her bag with candy. And one day, when she was older and a mom of three young boys, she came to realize that she was still “pedaling” away from her stress and using sugar as comfort, instead of turning to Jesus. She was joyless, worn out, tired, and in need of a change. In this interview, Wendy will challenge Christians to take 40 days to focus on fasting from something they turn to instead of Jesus for comfort. She invited people to break free from a dependence on sugar and taste the goodness of God.

Author Wendy Speake smiling as she holds up her book "The 40-Day Social Media Fast"

Mrs. Wendy Speake

With a background in Hollywood as a trained actress, Wendy Speake ministers to women as a bible teacher by applying the power of drama, poetry and comedy to the study of Scripture and real-life application of biblical truths. She has co-authored two books with Amber Lia titled Triggers: Exchanging Parents’ Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses and their latest, Parenting Scripts: When What You’re Saying Isn’t Working, Say Something New. Wendy is also the co-author (with Kelli Stuart) of Life Creative: Inspiration for Today’s Renaissance Mom.

Cover image of the book "The 40-Day Sugar Fast"

The 40-Day Sugar Fast: Where Physical Detox Meets Spiritual Transformation

Welcome to the 40-Day Sugar Fast, a fast that begins with us giving Jesus our sugar and ends with Jesus giving us himself–the only thing that can ever truly satisfy our soul’s deep hunger. On this 40-day journey you’ll learn how to stop fixating on food and other things you use to fill the voids in life and instead fix your eyes on Christ. Anyone who runs to sugar for comfort or a reward, who eats mindlessly or out of boredom, who feels physically and spiritually lethargic, or who struggles with self-control will discover here not only freedom from their cravings but an entirely new appetite for the good things God has for us.

Understanding the Root of Your Child's Misbehavior - Part 1

Often, children act out because they are used to getting attention through bad behavior. Dr. Kevin Leman offers advice to help parents transform their child’s behavior. He discusses the benefits of allowing your kids to learn from real-life consequences and describes the importance of understanding your child’s temperament based on his birth order.

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman is an internationally known family psychologist and an award-winning, New York Times best-selling author. He is also a popular public speaker and media personality who has made countless guest appearances on numerous radio and TV programs. Dr. Leman has written more than 50 books including The Birth Order BookHave a New Kid by Friday and Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours.

Bundle of Why Your Kids Misbehave

Why Your Kids Misbehave and What to Do about It

Tantrums. Talking back. Throwing toys or food. Meltdowns. Slamming doors. Kids know just how to push your buttons. You’ve tried all sorts of methods, but nothing seems to work. In this book, Dr. Kevin Leman reveals exactly why kids misbehave and how you can turn that behavior around with practical, no-nonsense strategies that really work . . . and are a long-term win for both of you.

Understanding the Root of Your Child's Misbehavior - Part 2

Often, children act out because they are used to getting attention through bad behavior. Dr. Kevin Leman offers advice to help parents transform their child’s behavior. He discusses the benefits of allowing your kids to learn from real-life consequences and describes the importance of understanding your child’s temperament based on his birth order.

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman is an internationally known family psychologist and an award-winning, New York Times best-selling author. He is also a popular public speaker and media personality who has made countless guest appearances on numerous radio and TV programs. Dr. Leman has written more than 50 books including The Birth Order BookHave a New Kid by Friday and Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours.

Bundle of Why Your Kids Misbehave

Why Your Kids Misbehave and What to Do about It

Tantrums. Talking back. Throwing toys or food. Meltdowns. Slamming doors. Kids know just how to push your buttons. You’ve tried all sorts of methods, but nothing seems to work. In this book, Dr. Kevin Leman reveals exactly why kids misbehave and how you can turn that behavior around with practical, no-nonsense strategies that really work . . . and are a long-term win for both of you.

Loving Your Spouse Through the Seasons of Marriage - Part 2

Debra Fileta has identified the four seasons of marriage that correspond with our natural seasons – spring (new life and new love), summer (things get hot!), fall (showing our true colors), and winter (long days ahead). In this interview, she will help couples better understand the four seasons of healthy relationships, what to expect during each one, and how to carefully navigate them for a stronger marriage.

Author Debra Fileta in the Focus on the Family broadcast studio

Debra Fileta

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married SexChoosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage.

Love in Every Season: Understanding the Four Stages of a Healthy Relationship

Every relationship goes through four life-changing seasons: Spring. Summer. Fall. Winter. Each season plays an important role in taking your relationship to the next level. And depending on how you navigate each season, your relationship will either flourish and grow, or it will slowly die. Whether you’re single, dating, engaged or married, join licensed professional counselor and relationship expert, Debra Fileta as she takes you on an eye-opening psychological and spiritual journey through the four seasons that she has observed in every healthy relationship.

Reconciling Faith and Science in a Medical Crisis

Dr. Lee Warren is a neurosurgeon who has faced many heavy challenges in his life – from serving in the Iraq War to removing deadly brain tumors to experiencing the loss of a teenage son. He’ll share about his difficult quest to find answers to some of life’s toughest questions, while holding onto his faith in God and the sure hope of heaven

Headshot of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Dr. W. Lee Warren

Dr. Lee Warren

W. Lee Warren, M.D., is a brain surgeon , inventor, Iraq War veteran, and author of I’ve Seen the End of You: A Neurosurgeon’s Look at Faith, Doubt, and the Things We Think We Know, winner of the Christian Book Award®. His previous book, No Place to Hide, was included on the 2015 U.S. Air Force Chief of Staff’s Recommended Reading List. Dr. Warren has appeared on The 700 Club and the CBS Evening News, and his writings have been featured in Guideposts magazine. His Dr. Lee Warren Podcast, which is heard in more than 60 countries, helps listeners use the power of neuroscience, faith, and common sense to change their lives.

Cover image of Dr. Lee Warren's book "I've Seen the End of You"

I've Seen the End of You: A Neurosurgeon's Look at Faith, Doubt, and the Things We Think We Know

This gripping inspirational memoir grapples with the tension between faith and science—and between death and hope—as a seasoned neurosurgeon faces insurmountable odds and grief both in the office and at home.

Praying Scripture Over Your Child’s Life - Part 1

Jodie Berndt loves to pray for her children. She’s been doing that for the past thirty years. Now she helps other parents to talk to God, asking for the salvation of their kids, and for wisdom, self-discipline, purpose, a future and much more. She offers fun and practical encouragement that moms and dads can put to work immediately in their daily lives as they prepare their children for a life in Christ.

Headshot of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Jodie Berndt

Jodie Berndt

Jodie Berndt is a public speaker, a Bible teacher, and the the author of 10 books. Find out more about Jodie and get some free resources (including printable prayer cards and calendars) at her website, jodieberndt.com.

Cover image of Jodie Berndt's book "Praying the Scriptures for Your Children"

Praying the Scriptures Over Your Children

You will discover how using the Bible to shape your desires and requests opens the door to God’s provision—and frees us from things like worry and fear in our parenting! This expanded edition of the bestseller features updated content on issues like technology and identity, and comes with new material designed to invite children into the family prayer circle. Purchase now and receive 10% off your product.

Mothers and Sons: Being a Godly Influence - Part 1

Rhonda Stoppe describes her early motherhood challenges of raising a son, which was intimidating to her. She found help through group of older women mentors. She urges moms to see their role as ministry in shaping sons to be good and godly men. Rhonda outlines several practical suggestions to moms about spiritual training, how to communicate with boys, and supporting the father-son relationship as a wife.

Headshot of Rhonda Stoppe

Rhonda Stoppe

Drawing upon 35 years of experience as a mentor, pastor’s wife, and homeschool mom, Rhonda Stoppe offers encouragement and guidance to women as an author and public speaker. She is popularly known as the “No Regrets Woman,” as she is especially passionate about helping women live life without regrets. Rhonda’s books include Moms Raising Sons to Be MenReal Life Romance, and The Marriage Mentor, which she co-authored with her husband, Steve.

Cover image of Rhonda Stoppe's book "Moms Raising Sons to be Men"

Moms Raising Sons to Be Men

Mothers of boys have the special calling to shape future men of God. Popular speaker Rhonda Stoppe, mom to two sons, knows this opportunity is a challenge, a joy, and probably the most important work of a woman’s life. Drawing from years of experience, this inspirational resource will revive the faithfulness and fortitude a woman needs to partner with God as they shape the character and heart of a future godly man.

Identifying Triggers in Your Marriage Part 1

They were both convinced they had married the wrong person. From almost the very beginning of their marriage, Amber and Guy Lia experienced various tensions and personality clashes related to house cleaning, backseat driving, workaholism, and intimacy. In this two-day Focus on the Family broadcast, Amber and Guy discuss how they bravely faced the triggers head-on, and committed to working on their own relationships with Jesus. As you listen to the Lia’s story, you’ll feel hope that you, too, can see real marriage transformation!

Headshot of Guy and Amber Lia

Mr. and Mrs. Guy and Amber Lia and Mrs. Jean Daly

Amber Lia is a work-at-home mom, blogger, public speaker, and co-author of two best-selling books. Her husband, Guy, is a former TV, feature film, and VFX development and production executive who has worked on popular TV shows and films. Guy and Amber own Storehouse Media Group, a faith- and family-friendly TV and film production company based in Los Angeles,

Cover image of the book "Marriage Triggers" by Guy and Amber Lia

Marriage Triggers: How You and Your Spouse Can Exchange Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses

A husband-wife team offers practical advice for married couples to end the cycle of reactionary arguments by examining the most common issues that trigger disagreements and apply God’s Word to radically transform relationships.

What to Do When You're Not Okay - Part 1

Life can be pretty stressful. Between work, relationships, and other obligations, the pressure builds, and we lose sight of who we are. Counselor Debra Fileta helps you better understand your emotions, assess your mental, physical, and spiritual health, and intentionally pursue a path to wellbeing. In dealing with anxiety, depression, and panic attacks, Debra understands the importance of self-examination as well as the benefits of seeking professional help. She offers biblically-based advice, tools, and encouragement to help you get on a path toward healing and wholeness.

Author Debra Fileta in the Focus on the Family broadcast studio

Mrs. Debra Fileta

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married SexChoosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage. Debra resides in Pennsylvania with her husband, John, and their four children.

Are You Really Okay?

Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are

In Are You Really OK? author and licensed counselor Debra Fileta challenges you to get real with who you are and how you’re doing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically so you can recognize where you need growth and healing.

Navigating a Toxic Culture with Your Daughter - Part 1

As a pediatrician, Dr. Meg Meeker has seen thousands of girls come through her office through the years. They struggle with eating issues, sexual identity, social media…and many other challenges in this toxic culture. Dr. Meeker will encourage parents to invest love and time in their daughters and develop their character to give them the best opportunity for a bright future, all rooted in a spiritual foundation. The discussion also includes healthy feminism vs. toxic feminism

Mrs. Meg Meeker

Dr. Meg Meeker is a pediatrician who is widely recognized as one of the country’s leading authorities on parenting, teens and children’s health. With appearances on numerous nationally syndicated radio and TV programs, her popularity as a an expert on key issues confronting families has created a strong following across America. Her work with countless families over the years served as the inspiration behind her best-selling books which include Strong Fathers, Strong DaughtersStrong Mothers, Strong Sons and The Ten Habits of Happy Mothers

Cover image of Dr. Meg Meeker's book "Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture"

Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture: 11 Steps to Keep Her Happy, Healthy, and Safe

Meg Meeker has been a pediatrician for more than thirty years, is a mother and a grandmother, and has seen it all. She knows what makes for strong, happy, healthy young women–and what puts our daughters at risk. Combining that experience with her famous common sense, she explains the eleven steps that will help your daughter–whether she’s a toddler or a troubled teen–to achieve her full human potential.

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 1: The Truth About Life!

In this episode, we will tackle tough questions like, “When does life begin?” and “What does the Bible
say about Life?” You’ll discover and understand the stages of pre-born life and that babies are more than
just a clump of cells!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Thank you for committing to pray for the pre-born!

Sign up below for your free seven-day prayer guide. This daily guide will help give direction to your prayers for the pro-life movement. We will be praying with you!