Replacing Porn With Sexual Photos of Wife

Is it OK for a man to use sexually suggestive photos of his wife on personal devices as substitutes for illicit porn material?

I’m recovering from a long-term addiction to pornography. I thought that taking seductive pictures of my wife to keep on my phone and computer might help me get over the problem. What you do you think?

ANSWER:

Our advice? Don’t do it.

One of the first things to realize about this practice is that it’s full of risks and concerns — one being that it’s potentially illegal. Also, keep in mind problems that could happen due to workplace or other public accommodations policies about pornography and electronic devices.

That’s not to mention the possibilities for unintended exposure, embarrassment, pain, and even sexual harassment to your wife.

Realize how porn affects your marriage

It’s easy to say that you’d never show these pictures or videos to anyone else. But once a digital image is released into cyberspace, it passes beyond your control.

What would happen if you lost your mobile device or it was stolen? Or if your kids picked it up — or a friend borrowed it to make an emergency call? What if you accidentally sent the videos and pictures to a wrong number?

These are just a few of the ways the material could fall into the wrong hands. If you respect your wife and regard her feelings and the sanctity of the marital bond, you have to conclude that the risk is too great to take.

Also, using suggestive pictures of your wife runs another, more serious, risk: demeaning and objectifying the person you’ve promised to love, cherish, and protect till death do you part.

Consider how to honor your wife

Do you have a personal relationship with Jesus? We ask because here at Focus on the Family we believe the purpose of life is to know and glorify God through an authentic relationship with His Son, Jesus Christ. And that frames our understanding of and response to a broken world.

Spiritually speaking, then, marriage is about becoming one flesh with your wife (Genesis 2:24). And marital sex is meant to be experienced within the wholeness of a person-to-person relationship.

By separating the purely visual aspects sex from their relational context, you would cheapen that one-flesh union. You’d reduce your wife to a mere fetish. You’d introduce distance and alienation into your relationship. And while we can’t speak for your wife, we can tell you that most women we hear from have serious objections to being the subjects of the sort of images you have in mind.

Fortunately, there are better ways to spice up your sex life. And for the most part, they involve improving communication in your marriage. So instead of exchanging racy videos over the phone, why don’t you and your wife text each other short love notes during the day? Instead of a suggestive photo, what if you kept a pressed flower from a bouquet you gave her on a meaningful occasion?

You get the idea: Nurture and maintain a vibrant connection between the two of you on the heart level — not just on the level of physical sensuality. Genuine marital intimacy is something much more than sexual intimacy.