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Great Sex Doesn’t Just Happen

By Juli Slattery
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A married couple kisses in the snow.
Photo by Alex Brisbey/ Unsplash
Without effort, time and attention, sex can easily and quickly become mundane and predictable and can even turn into a dreaded necessity to place on the 'to-do' list.

Having sex is a natural physiological practice. People have figured it out on their own since the beginning of time. Without how-to books or online instructional courses, people from every tribe and nation manage to procreate. Because sex is natural, we tend to put it in the category of other natural physical acts like eating and sleeping. You don’t have to focus on learning how to master these things – they just naturally happen.

Although sex “just happens,” a dynamic sex life does not. Without effort, time and attention, sex can easily and quickly become mundane and predictable and can even turn into a dreaded necessity to place on the “to-do” list.

When couples run into difficulties they tend to give up, concluding, “We’re just not that great together.” Ironically, they don’t expect anything else in marriage to “just happen.” They understand that being financially healthy depends on budgets, planning and communication. Even staying healthy requires a proactive approach to food and exercise. Why should sex be any different?

What is the right response to the age-old dilemma of boring sex?

As a couple, have you ever set aside significant time and energy specifically to improve your sex life? Instead of approaching sex as a natural, necessary, physical act, consider approaching it as a gift – an interest and an ability that can be cultivated. You will never be a great cook unless you experiment with new recipes, read cookbooks and practice cooking. You will never be a great tennis player unless you take lessons and play regularly. You will never learn to play the trumpet without hours of practice.

Don’t assume that sex is any different. You won’t have a great sex life unless you make it a priority to actually work on intimacy together.

Continue reading.

Excerpted from No More Headaches: Enjoying Sex & Intimacy in Marriage, published by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. Copyright © 2009 by Julianna Slattery. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. Used by permission.

Learn How to Cherish your Spouse and Have a Deeper Connection

Do you cherish your spouse? Couples who cherish each other understand that God created everyone different, and as a result they treasure the unique characteristics in their spouse. We want to help you do just that. Start the free five-part video course called, “Cherish Your Spouse”, and gain a deeper level of connection with your spouse.

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About the Author

Dr. Juli Slattery
Juli Slattery

Dr. Juli Slattery is a clinical psychologist, a public speaker, and the author of 10 books. She is also the president and co-founder of Authentic Intimacy, a ministry devoted to reclaiming God’s design for sexuality. Prior to starting Authentic Intimacy, Juli served at Focus on the Family from 2008-2012 as a writer, teacher and co-host of the Focus on the Family …

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