Communication
Communicate with Clarity, Timing and Tempo
Great communication is more than an illusion
January 13, 2023
by...
Age & Stage
Age & Stage
When you have an emotional teen, there are three things that your teen may need from you.
Full of energy, Rebecca headed to the kitchen for breakfast. Her 17-year-old daughter was already there. As Rebecca sat to eat, her teen accidentally knocked over the milk.
Rebecca told her, “The kitchen towel is behind the flour.”
Her daughter quickly scooted back her chair and stood. “You’re always bossing me around.” By the time she returned to the table, tears were smearing her mascara. Just then Rebecca’s son walked into the room and burped loudly. Immediately her daughter’s fury turned on him.
Not a great way to start a morning, is it? Daily, parents of teens witness the incredible highs (“I aced my biology test!”) and the inconsolable lows (“No one will ever ask me to homecoming!”) that come during the adolescent years.
Teenagers are emotional. Their sudden mood shifts may cause parents to question their overall well-being, as well as set everyone else on edge. So how do parents nurture a strong emotional health in their teenagers?
During the teen years, affirmation and approval are crucial. Your young man wants to know, Do I have what it takes? Are you proud of me? Am I becoming a man in your eyes? Your young woman wants to know, Am I pretty? Am I of value? Am I becoming a woman in your eyes?
While your teen seeks approval from peers and others, you are actually your child’s most important cheerleader. He or she needs your “way to go” and “I’m so proud of you” more than you know.
Not long ago while shopping, I saw a tall, gangly teenage boy walking behind his mom. I overheard her say, “When you grow up, you’ll make a fantastic husband for some lucky young woman. I’m so proud of who you’re becoming.”
As she continued walking and talking, her son followed behind, wearing an embarrassed but pleased smile. His mom had given him an incredible gift of affirmation. It’s amazing what a sentence or a few words from us can mean in a teen’s life. Try these statements and watch how your teen responds:
(When you can’t say these things in person, use technology. You can text your teens to affirm them.)
Love is the most basic of all emotional needs. When teens know that God and their parents love them, they feel they have value and significance. Be careful, however. All love is not equal. Parents can choose between two kinds of love: conditional and unconditional.
Conditional love requires a certain behavior or performance. If you express your love only after your son catches a touchdown pass or your daughter gets a leading role in the school musical, he or she will quickly pick up what pushes your “love” button. Or if you express your love only if your son wears his hair a certain length and if your daughter is thin, your teens will pick up that they are only worthy of your love because of something they are or aren’t. Conditional love is either “love if” or “love because of” — and it is highly unhealthy.
The healthy alternative is unconditional love, which means you love your teen “in spite of” — even when he drops the game-winning pass in the end zone, even when she finds herself on the stage crew and not in the cast. It’s putting an arm around a shoulder and saying, “You did your best. I’m proud of the way you tried.” Unconditional love says to your child, There is nothing you can do to make me love you more. You will never lose my love.
Another way to show your love and connect is through touch — a friendly pat on the shoulder or a warm hug. Some parents think teens outgrow touch, but in fact, physical contact is important to their emotional health. Touch sends the message: You are important to me and worthy of my interest and my time.
You can also draw closer together through discovering and supporting your teen’s uniqueness — especially when he or she has different gifts and passions from yours. What is your teen good at? Tennis? Basketball? Piano? Scottish dancing? Drama? Study your teens and take an involved interest in what they feel called to do or are gifted at. And if they haven’t yet discovered that special talent, point out the godly character traits you observe.
Parents and teens who spend time together regularly and communicate openly with one another enjoy a closer emotional connection. Barb and I stayed connected with our son and daughter by eating breakfast and supper as a family, as often as our schedules allowed. It was our time to find out what everyone was going to do, or had done, that day, as well as a time for Barb and me to share our values with our teens. Our kids knew they had Mom’s and Dad’s full attention to discuss whatever they wanted.
The goal is to make yourself a “safe place” to engage in discussing ideas, doubts or questions — about any topic, including drugs, sex, tattoos, social media, bullying, body changes, success, money, painful relationships, messy worldviews, politics, God and faith. You don’t need to have all the answers, but by providing a safe haven for your teen, you’ll be building a strong emotional connection.
We want your marriage to be thriving and healthy. Take the free Marriage Assessment from Focus on the Family to learn how to strengthen your bond with your spouse and get the tools to help you need to grow closer together.
The Fruit of the Spirit Devotional is a free series of nine short videos to get you into God’s Word and inspire you to seek the Holy Spirit’s help in loving your spouse.
A nationally-recognized family physician practicing for over 35 years, Dr. Walt Larimore currently sees occupational health patients at UC Health in Colorado Springs, Colo., and holds an adjunct clinical academic appointment at the In His Image Family Medicine Residency Program in Tulsa, Okla. He is an award-winning medical journalist and a best-selling author of more than 30 books on the topics of health, marriage, faith, and more. Formerly, Dr. Larimore served as Focus on the Family’s Vice President of Medical Outreach and Focus’ Physician in Residence. He and his wife, Barb, have two grown children and two grandchildren. Learn more about Dr. Larimore by visiting his website, www.drwalt.com.
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Debra Fileta has identified the four seasons of marriage that correspond with our natural seasons – spring (new life and new love), summer (things get hot!), fall (showing our true colors), and winter (long days ahead). In this interview, she will help couples better understand the four seasons of healthy relationships, what to expect during each one, and how to carefully navigate them for a stronger marriage.
Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married Sex, Choosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage.
Every relationship goes through four life-changing seasons: Spring. Summer. Fall. Winter. Each season plays an important role in taking your relationship to the next level. And depending on how you navigate each season, your relationship will either flourish and grow, or it will slowly die. Whether you’re single, dating, engaged or married, join licensed professional counselor and relationship expert, Debra Fileta as she takes you on an eye-opening psychological and spiritual journey through the four seasons that she has observed in every healthy relationship.
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This gripping inspirational memoir grapples with the tension between faith and science—and between death and hope—as a seasoned neurosurgeon faces insurmountable odds and grief both in the office and at home.
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Jodie Berndt is a public speaker, a Bible teacher, and the the author of 10 books. Find out more about Jodie and get some free resources (including printable prayer cards and calendars) at her website, jodieberndt.com.
You will discover how using the Bible to shape your desires and requests opens the door to God’s provision—and frees us from things like worry and fear in our parenting! This expanded edition of the bestseller features updated content on issues like technology and identity, and comes with new material designed to invite children into the family prayer circle. Purchase now and receive 10% off your product.
Rhonda Stoppe describes her early motherhood challenges of raising a son, which was intimidating to her. She found help through group of older women mentors. She urges moms to see their role as ministry in shaping sons to be good and godly men. Rhonda outlines several practical suggestions to moms about spiritual training, how to communicate with boys, and supporting the father-son relationship as a wife.
Drawing upon 35 years of experience as a mentor, pastor’s wife, and homeschool mom, Rhonda Stoppe offers encouragement and guidance to women as an author and public speaker. She is popularly known as the “No Regrets Woman,” as she is especially passionate about helping women live life without regrets. Rhonda’s books include Moms Raising Sons to Be Men, Real Life Romance, and The Marriage Mentor, which she co-authored with her husband, Steve.
Mothers of boys have the special calling to shape future men of God. Popular speaker Rhonda Stoppe, mom to two sons, knows this opportunity is a challenge, a joy, and probably the most important work of a woman’s life. Drawing from years of experience, this inspirational resource will revive the faithfulness and fortitude a woman needs to partner with God as they shape the character and heart of a future godly man.
They were both convinced they had married the wrong person. From almost the very beginning of their marriage, Amber and Guy Lia experienced various tensions and personality clashes related to house cleaning, backseat driving, workaholism, and intimacy. In this two-day Focus on the Family broadcast, Amber and Guy discuss how they bravely faced the triggers head-on, and committed to working on their own relationships with Jesus. As you listen to the Lia’s story, you’ll feel hope that you, too, can see real marriage transformation!
Amber Lia is a work-at-home mom, blogger, public speaker, and co-author of two best-selling books. Her husband, Guy, is a former TV, feature film, and VFX development and production executive who has worked on popular TV shows and films. Guy and Amber own Storehouse Media Group, a faith- and family-friendly TV and film production company based in Los Angeles,
A husband-wife team offers practical advice for married couples to end the cycle of reactionary arguments by examining the most common issues that trigger disagreements and apply God’s Word to radically transform relationships.
Life can be pretty stressful. Between work, relationships, and other obligations, the pressure builds, and we lose sight of who we are. Counselor Debra Fileta helps you better understand your emotions, assess your mental, physical, and spiritual health, and intentionally pursue a path to wellbeing. In dealing with anxiety, depression, and panic attacks, Debra understands the importance of self-examination as well as the benefits of seeking professional help. She offers biblically-based advice, tools, and encouragement to help you get on a path toward healing and wholeness.
Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married Sex, Choosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage. Debra resides in Pennsylvania with her husband, John, and their four children.
In Are You Really OK? author and licensed counselor Debra Fileta challenges you to get real with who you are and how you’re doing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically so you can recognize where you need growth and healing.
As a pediatrician, Dr. Meg Meeker has seen thousands of girls come through her office through the years. They struggle with eating issues, sexual identity, social media…and many other challenges in this toxic culture. Dr. Meeker will encourage parents to invest love and time in their daughters and develop their character to give them the best opportunity for a bright future, all rooted in a spiritual foundation. The discussion also includes healthy feminism vs. toxic feminism
Dr. Meg Meeker is a pediatrician who is widely recognized as one of the country’s leading authorities on parenting, teens and children’s health. With appearances on numerous nationally syndicated radio and TV programs, her popularity as a an expert on key issues confronting families has created a strong following across America. Her work with countless families over the years served as the inspiration behind her best-selling books which include Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, Strong Mothers, Strong Sons and The Ten Habits of Happy Mothers.
Meg Meeker has been a pediatrician for more than thirty years, is a mother and a grandmother, and has seen it all. She knows what makes for strong, happy, healthy young women–and what puts our daughters at risk. Combining that experience with her famous common sense, she explains the eleven steps that will help your daughter–whether she’s a toddler or a troubled teen–to achieve her full human potential.
Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!
Sign up below for your free seven-day prayer guide. This daily guide will help give direction to your prayers for the pro-life movement. We will be praying with you!
