How to Prepare Siblings for the New Baby

Are there nurturing ways to prepare siblings for the arrival of the new baby that helps curtail sibling rivalry? The short answer is–yes.

Sibling rivalry exists because we are born with a sinful nature. Far from a stage or an attitude to tolerate, family life is an opportunity to apply the teachings of Jesus in ways that help us live in community with others who are both different and similar to ourselves.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him, Colossians 3:15–17.

Prepare siblings for the new baby

Expecting my second baby gave opportunity to consider the type of relationship I hoped my children would share. While parents cannot control everything, I wanted to lay a foundation for a safe environment where family members could explore, grow, learn, and love. As our family welcomed each of our seven babies, these are some of the purposeful ways I reassured older children that they were beloved, and helped them welcome siblings.

“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another,” John 13:35. Jesus taught us to love one another, and this is a gift parents can pass to our children.

Prepare siblings for the new baby’s arrival

There are several actions a parent can do that help prepare siblings for a new baby to join the family.

• Move an older child to another room or out of the crib to make way for the baby weeks in advance. Whenever possible, I didn’t want to stack this major adjustment in a child’s life on top the upcoming major adjustment of a new family member.
• Allow the older child to keep their belongings. In the case of baby toys, the older child may decide on his own to pass the toys to the younger baby or not. The baby will not be old enough to play with toys for several months. The older sibling may offer to share toys, pass on toys he feels he has outgrown, or keep toys as his own. There is no reason to insist the older child give his toys to the new baby.
• Let the older child help set up the baby’s room. Trying to fit into baby clothes and furniture helped the older child realize how much they have grown. The older child seemed satisfied to have proven to themselves that they had developed past the baby stage.
• Before and after the birth of the baby, recall the older child’s birth with them. Look through photos together, remembering how excited you were about the older child’s coming arrival. Recall how you loved and cared for them as a baby. Celebrate the older child’s promotion to big brother or big sister. When my second was born, our neighbors gave my first born a t-shirt that read, ‘I’m the big sister.’
• Read children’s books about expecting a new family member, but skip the stories that tell your child the new sibling will sometimes be a pain.
• Explain that the baby will not be able to do anything for a long time, but will need everything done for them. The baby will cry to communicate.

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Allow siblings to have a little responsibility

Children feel a part of the process when they can participate in the preparation to welcome the baby.

• Consider getting a baby doll for the older child to care for while parents are caring for the newborn.
• Allow the older child to select and wrap a gift to give the new baby. Of course, the older child will help unwrap and explain to the baby what the gift is.
• When others bring gifts for the new arrival, the older child can be the official unwrapper.

Prepare siblings for their new role when the baby arrives

• Provide a quiet moment for the older child to meet their sibling for the first time. Show the older child to how touch the baby’s feet and hands, but keep fingers away from the face.
• While the parent carries the baby, have the older child give a tour of the home, telling the little one where everything is. What my children thought were the most important parts of our home and family life often surprised me.
• Have a birthday party to celebrate the original birth-day. Of course, the baby won’t remember any of the event. But this simple event proved to be a beneficial adjustment tool for the siblings.
• For the child who wants to help, place the diapers at a level the older child can reach and bring to you.
• When feeding the baby, read a book to the older child, or share a game, or coloring project.
• Instead of saying, “Be quiet or you’ll wake the baby,” say “That’s too loud for inside the house.” A codicil is that babies generally adapt to sleep through the usual sounds of family life. Find the balance between not being startlingly loud nor tiptoeing because the baby is sleeping. This is the beginning of being aware of others. An important life is to be considerate of personal needs as well as what’s best for others.
• Carve out 15 minutes while the baby sleeps to spend with your older child. Don’t let the phone interrupt.

Final thoughts on preparing siblings for the new baby

Rather than compare children, embark on a continual treasure hunt to discover and mine the unique characteristics, preferences, and personality of each child. Allow your children to be different and help them appreciate both the ways they are alike and the areas where they are not.

While it is natural to notice similarities and differences between children, I tried to recognize each one’s individuality; how soft the baby’s skin, how fast the older child runs, the one fascinated with legos, and another who connects with animals.

The younger child who hears parents remark, “I remember when your older brother did that” each time they do something new will be reluctant to try. Similarly, the older child can become discouraged when parents constantly notice how cute the younger child is. My grandmother told her oldest that if he didn’t like the new baby, they would send the baby back. The fact that my dad remembers hearing this phrase long after he was no longer the new baby reminds me to choose nurturing words for my children.

The arrival of a new baby means the expansion of the family. There are new settings for everyone. Welcoming a baby is a natural part of life and family relationships. Children experience the opportunity to adjust and adapt, and to recognize the value of each family member. These skills translate into their interactions with people inside and outside of the family and will last a lifetime. After all, parents are not raising children, instead we are preparing future adults to be personally responsible and contributing members of the world where we live.