January 27, 2023
It seems like my kids never stop fighting. How do I keep our sibling rivalry from taking over our home?
Sibling rivalries are nothing new and can be quite draining. If you’ve been in this position as a parent, I’m sure you’ve had to navigate different versions or perspectives of fights between siblings. “He did this!” “But she did that!”
When siblings argue, it puts you in a tough spot. Do you become a referee, a judge, or a guide? Different reasons for sibling fights can include insecurities, selfishness, jealousy, feeling left out. Your children need your guidance to learn how to handle sibling fights. Here is a quick tip I have used with my own family called the $1 Technique.
The way it works is that when your children are arguing, you set a timer for 5 minutes. If they are unable to resolve the conflict on their own by the time the timer stops, they have chosen to hire you for $1 per minute to help them resolve it. And the one that is the most inflexible in resolving the conflict is the one in charge of the bill.
One of the most powerful questions to teach your kids to ask themselves is: “Is there another way to look at this?” Teaching your child how to build a flexible mind will grow their levels of humility, while also helping them reach the goal of resolving the conflict within the 5 minutes.
Teach them how to take mental timeouts to figure out what’s making their emotions bubble. Ask them, “what do you think it’s like to be to resolve things with you?”
Explore how building healthy boundaries and maintaining adaptability to bring stability and flexibility in your home. And to learn more about resolving sibling rivalries, check out these resources.
Vice President, Parenting and Youth
Dr. Huerta oversees Focus’ initiatives that equip mothers and fathers with biblical and research based principles and guidance for raising healthy, resilient children rooted in a thriving faith in Christ.
Dr. Huerta is a bilingual psychologist, licensed clinical social worker, author of 7 Traits of Effective Parenting, and co-author of Focus on the Family’s Age and Stage resource, and various other resources. He is also the co-host and expert on the Focus on Parenting and the Practice Makes Parent podcasts.
For many years, he has provided families with practical, biblically-based, and research-based parenting advice on key parenting topics. He has been interviewed by various media outlets including Fox News, Fatherly, Christianity Today, WORLD Magazine, The Christian Post and CBN, and regularly speaks on Christian radio stations and podcasts across the United States. He’s also written for various publications and is a regular speaker at retreats, conventions, family camps, online events worldwide, and on various social media channels.
Dr. Huerta has maintained a private practice serving families in Colorado Springs since 2003 and has also served families as an employee of Focus on the Family since 2004.
He and his wife, Heather, love the outdoors, have been married since 1997, and love spending time with their two adult children.
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