It seems like my kids never stop fighting. How do I keep our sibling rivalry from taking over our home?
Sibling rivalries are nothing new and can be quite draining. If you’ve been in this position as a parent, I’m sure you’ve had to navigate different versions or perspectives of fights between siblings. “He did this!” “But she did that!”
When siblings argue, it puts you in a tough spot. Do you become a referee, a judge, or a guide? Different reasons for sibling fights can include insecurities, selfishness, jealousy, feeling left out. Your children need your guidance to learn how to handle sibling fights. Here is a quick tip I have used with my own family called the $1 Technique.
The way it works is that when your children are arguing, you set a timer for 5 minutes. If they are unable to resolve the conflict on their own by the time the timer stops, they have chosen to hire you for $1 per minute to help them resolve it. And the one that is the most inflexible in resolving the conflict is the one in charge of the bill.
One of the most powerful questions to teach your kids to ask themselves is: “Is there another way to look at this?” Teaching your child how to build a flexible mind will grow their levels of humility, while also helping them reach the goal of resolving the conflict within the 5 minutes.
Teach them how to take mental timeouts to figure out what’s making their emotions bubble. Ask them, “what do you think it’s like to be to resolve things with you?”
Explore how building healthy boundaries and maintaining adaptability to bring stability and flexibility in your home. And to learn more about resolving sibling rivalries, check out these resources.
Dr. Daniel Huerta is Vice President of Parenting and Youth for Focus on the Family, overseeing the ministry’s initiatives that equip moms and dads with biblical principles and counsel for raising healthy, resilient children rooted in a thriving faith.
He is a psychologist, a licensed clinical social worker, and the author of 7 Traits of Effective Parenting. For many years, he has provided families with practical, biblically-based and research-based parenting advice on topics including media discernment, discipline, communication, mental health issues, conflict resolution, and healthy sexuality in the home. He is passionate about coming alongside parents as they raise contributors, instead of consumers, in a culture desperately in need of God’s kingdom.
Dr. Huerta has been interviewed by various media outlets including Fox News, Fatherly, Christianity Today, WORLD Magazine, and CBN, and he is a frequent guest on Christian radio stations across the nation. He’s also written for publications, including The Washington Post, on various topics related to marriage and parenting. He participated in the development of Focus on the Family’s Launch Into the Teen Years, a resource to help parents prepare their kids for adolescence, and he speaks regularly at retreats, conventions, and online events.
Dr. Huerta has maintained a private practice in Colorado Springs, Colorado since 2003 and has served families through Focus on the Family since 2004. He and his wife, Heather, have been married since 1997 and love being parents to their three teen children, Alex, Lexi, and Maci.
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