Becoming a Surrogate Parent and Mentor

My colleague at the college where I teach needed another chaperone for his field trip. So I agreed to accompany him, even though it meant leaving my wife and two small sons at home for a couple of days. I was familiar with many of the students, but two of them stood out from the pack.

Daniel wore his pants several inches below his waistline, giving me more of a show than I wanted to see and constantly sang and rapped various songs. He displayed a playful personality and especially enjoyed teasing the girls. I taught Brandon in a class a year earlier, and his keen sense of humor matched my mine. These two friends made the journey interesting and kept me on my toes.

On the way home, we stopped at a convenience store for gas and snacks, and Daniel, energetically singing at the top of his lungs, hopped off the van first. I don’t know what came over me, but I followed and engaged him in a playful headlock. Brandon watched the scene with glee, and Daniel, over the initial shock, laughed heartily.

Little did I know, over time, these two guys would become like my own. Evidently, both needed a positive male influence, and I provided that. They took nearly every class I offered and visited my office often, and we shared funny stories and life lessons.

Becoming an Unofficial Surrogate Parent

Both boys ended up transferring to my alma mater, and I visited often and proofed their term papers via email. After graduation Brandon embarked on a successful broadcasting career, becoming quite a local celebrity, and is now happily married. He continues to greet me the same way when our paths cross.

“Hi, Dad!”

Daniel, finally wearing his pants the right way, returned to my college to pursue a nursing degree. I brought him home for supper one day, and he showed up at our house frequently for many other meals over the next two years. He even went to church with us and became a Christian. My sons announced to their elementary school teachers they had another brother, raising many eyebrows and questions. Daniel is now a nurse administrator and preaches and teaches at his church.

These young men, along with many other former students, have enriched my life and have taught me teachers can make a difference. Nothing will ever take the place of the bond with my biological sons, whom I love dearly, but I believe God gives us teachers extra room in our hearts to accommodate those students who need extra tender, love, and care.

In our current society, more and more children need an adult presence in their lives—someone to listen to them, to laugh with them, to love them where they are. With God’s help, teachers can fill that void.

Strategies for Being a Good Role Model as a Surrogate Parent

How do we fill the void many students or kids can feel? Here are some suggestions:

1. Listen

Some children need a caring adult to pay attention to them, to let them know their thoughts are valuable. Listening without judging gives students a safe space to share.

2. Give Advice . . . When Asked

Godly wisdom and guidance can be shared when the student is ready to hear. Providing different suggestions for good choices works better than pointing fingers and saying, “You must do this!”

3. Laugh!

The Psalmist says a merry heart does good, like medicine, so have fun with your students. A sense of humor and a lighter look at life go a long way in reaching children.

4. Maintain the Connection

This one is probably the hardest to fulfill, as it takes work to keep the relationship going. Keeping in contact with your students lets them know you care even after they leave your classroom. Seeing former students succeed in their lives warms a teacher’s heart like nothing else.

I never knew such a deep relationship could be formed over saggy pants and silly songs. Yet, becoming an unexpected surrogate parent revealed God’s design for my students. Continue to lean into the roles that God develops for you.