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November 7, 2018
Perseverance is an overlooked but essential quality that parents need to instill in their children
“I quit!”
Most parents have witnessed moments when their child has encountered an obstacle that seems impossible to overcome. Although it’s sometimes good for children to wrestle with the question of whether to continue with an activity or in an unhealthy friendship, kids who learn to wisely face difficulty will mature and grow in perseverance.
Some kids naturally thrive when faced with challenges, while others feel unprepared. These children who have trouble persevering often haven’t learned to manage common emotions such as boredom and disappointment. Since these emotions are part of everyone’s life, we should avoid shielding our kids from every challenge they face.
Indeed, a big goal of parenting is to teach kids how to effectively process these challenges by seeing them through a new lens.
When your child faces challenges, help him learn to become a creative problem-solver. Practice this skill whenever problems come up, whether it’s thinking of ways to get a football out of a tree or resolving a conflict with a friend.
In our home, my wife and I often say to our children, “Everything has a solution. You just have to find it.” We may eventually help our kids find a solution, but we always allow them time to develop their own solutions first, nurturing a trust in God’s guidance and wisdom along the way.
Kids crave the confidence that comes from knowing they are good at something, and an overlooked component of perseverance is understanding where one’s potential really lies. Aim to guide your children through an honest, humble inventory of their skills and talents. Many kids have important abilities, but they are diminished in their minds because they don’t think their peers value these qualities. So show them why these talents matter.
When your child fails, acknowledge the raw feelings, even as you aim to move her toward more constructive thoughts. It’s great to recognize a child’s talents, but teach her that any talent almost always requires refinement. Many winners first learn how to lose well so that they don’t panic when things unexpectedly go wrong.
When they are faced with hardship, our kids need to know they can bounce back. Failure develops humility and helps form mental toughness, if our kids allow it.
Vice President, Parenting and Youth
Dr. Huerta oversees Focus’ initiatives that equip mothers and fathers with biblical and research based principles and guidance for raising healthy, resilient children rooted in a thriving faith in Christ.
Dr. Huerta is a bilingual psychologist, licensed clinical social worker, author of 7 Traits of Effective Parenting, and co-author of Focus on the Family’s Age and Stage resource, and various other resources. He is also the co-host and expert on the Focus on Parenting and the Practice Makes Parent podcasts.
For many years, he has provided families with practical, biblically-based, and research-based parenting advice on key parenting topics. He has been interviewed by various media outlets including Fox News, Fatherly, Christianity Today, WORLD Magazine, The Christian Post and CBN, and regularly speaks on Christian radio stations and podcasts across the United States. He’s also written for various publications and is a regular speaker at retreats, conventions, family camps, online events worldwide, and on various social media channels.
Dr. Huerta has maintained a private practice serving families in Colorado Springs since 2003 and has also served families as an employee of Focus on the Family since 2004.
He and his wife, Heather, love the outdoors, have been married since 1997, and love spending time with their two adult children.
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