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November 12, 2025
The psychological, relational, and spiritual benefits of thankfulness for both children and families are well-documented. But on a practical level, why is it important, and how can parents teach their kids to be sincerely grateful? Here are six practices and three key benefits to motivate parents.
Has the habit of giving or sending “thank you” cards disappeared? Are people more entitled today than in previous generations? The conversation depends on how you’ve experienced the evidence of gratitude around you. Is your family thankful? How do you know how to raise grateful children in a Christian home, and why does this matter?
Over that past couple of decades, research indicates that establishing a habit gratitude experience measurable improvements in spiritual growth, emotional balance, menta health, relational and social connectedness.
These five core areas are markers of mental well-being, so practicing having a lens of gratitude in your mind and speaking the grateful thoughts and feelings out loud provides your mind and body with health boosts! In fact, applying this habit leads to a having a more positive mood or outlook, greater well-being, less effects from stress, and increased production of your “feel good” neurotransmitters, dopamine and serotonin.
Your mind is the interpreter of what you’re experiencing. It helps you develop a lens through which you see challenges, adversity, people, circumstances, opportunities, failures, mistakes, work, and life in general.
I’ll never forget a young man that came to my counseling office. He was angry he could not stay at his parents’ house because he wanted to keep smoking pot. He treated pot smoking as a right and felt justified in his anger.
A few years later, this young man was in a head on collision with a drunk driver. His two legs were shattered but he was lucky to be alive. His perception changed to a lens of gratitude. His parents took care of him. He went through many surgeries and was well-cared for by the surgeons. His goals shifted to wanting to someday walk again and to be able to work and enjoy life. This circumstance changed his lens from escaping life to engaging in the life he’s been given.
This lens helps infuse a unique outlook that helps shape and reshape beliefs and frame and reframe perceptions, which help guide your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in response to circumstances.
For Christians, practicing gratitude is essential. Throughout the Bible, we are provided with examples of its superpower. Here are a few:
As mom or dad, you can establish a culture of a grateful mind and a thankful tongue. Practicing both will not only improve your well-being, but will also improve your child’s and your family’s well-being, and your relationships. What a gift! Research out of the University of North Carolina showed that children tend to mirror their parents’ displays of gratitude over time.
I’ve included six ideas to provide a new, fun, and engaging way to practice having a grateful mind and a thankful tongue in your home.
Since grateful people are healthier people, I wonder why it’s so difficult for us to practice it. We are naturally selfish, distracted, and busy people. I encourage you to explore ways of becoming more selfless, focused, and balanced in your life as you pursue the habit of gratitude. What if you became a family that practices gratitude not only in November but throughout the entire year? This may require some resets but imagine how different would your home look after a year if you are intentional in the habit of gratitude.
Genuine gratitude teaches kids to be respectful and humble. They are less entitled and more able to recognize the truth that their lives are filled with gifts, blessings and privileges. I’ll never forget the gratitude lesson my dad taught me in high school. I had delivered newspapers since I was 8 years old. My dad would help me, my brother, and my cousins living at our house roll the newspapers and, initially, helped drive us around in the mornings and evenings as we delivered the newspapers. He would emphasize the discipline of saying “thank you”.
One day, I woke up late and wondered if my dad had just gone ahead and rolled the newspapers. He was still in bed sleeping! I went to his side of the bed and said, “Dad, I slept in and the newspapers aren’t rolled!” I’m sure he could hear the panic in my voice. He said, “Danny, you didn’t say ‘thank you’ the last few days. You’ll have to do it on your own.” He rolled over and did his best to go back to sleep. I’m sure it was just as hard for him as it was for me, but it was a great lesson! I did not forget to say “thank you” from then on, and it made me realize just how important his help was to me on those rushed mornings! My attitude shifted toward a more thankful one.
This attitude shift creates a higher likelihood of kindness and empathy toward others. Your child learns to pay attention to what they have rather than what they don’t have. James Oppenheim famously said, “A foolish man seeks happiness in the distance. The wise grows it under his feet.” James 4:1-2 states that our passions are at war within us, which creates quarrels and fights.
There is a more positive interaction between parent-child when a parent models and practices gratitude. Kids learn to be happy with what they have rather than being thirsty for the next thing or moment. Peacefulness is a full-time constant. Of course, kids are still kids. But an environment of gratitude is able to bring them back to peace and closer to God. They start to see how trust in God provides a peaceful mind (Isaiah 26:3-4).
A grateful child learns to appreciate their friends, which is more likely to connect satisfying bonds with their peers. They are more likely to listen to others and not have friendships out of an anxiety of being alone, but of appreciation for their friendship.
Gratitude gives kids room to see the good in the bad. It provides enough flexibility for children to allow for the possibility of something good coming out of something bad. It enables kids to see difficult circumstances as opportunities to grow rather than as horrible problems to be avoided.
In a study from George Mason University, researchers found that gratitude significantly reduced the impact of feelings of hopelessness and depressive symptoms on undergraduate students and served as a protective factor to suicidal thoughts. Competitive children can learn to be grateful when they lose so they can continue improve and grow. I’m sure you’ve seen the competitive child who expects to win. They throw a tantrum, stomp off, scream, break something, or sulk and miss the gift of bouncing back and getting better. Developing a habit of gratitude helps children learn the power of mental reframing and can be taught at every age and stage.
Talk about what you’re thankful for often. With your toddler, try to look for things to be thankful for throughout the day. The more your toddler sees you doing it, the more likely they are to mirror your gratitude and make it a part of their every day habit. Your toddler would love to help you take pictures of things around the house, in the neighborhood, at the store, and at church that you’re thankful for. Then, take some time to reflect on the things and people you’ve taken pictures of and why you’re thankful for them.
Your school age child will be increasingly exposed to more people, environments, and situations. You can continue the gratitude pictures and searches while adding brief conversations. Help them learn to notice the gift behind the gift. As they receive something from someone, you can help them process that they are loved and/or noticed by that person. Discuss what that feels like inside and how they can do that for others as well. As you watch movies and shows together, pause when there could be something to be thankful for and ask, “What do you think that person feels like right now?” You’re teaching them to learn to notice, think about, and feel what gratitude is like.
You can have an “I’m thankful for…” speed round in the car as you’re going to the store or an activity. This involves each of you saying one thing you’re thankful for in that moment. You can turn it into a competition for your competitive children by seeing who can come up with the most different things you’re thankful for. The winner can get to pick what the family is having for dinner the next day. This is a great age to try the poster board exercise mentioned earlier in this article.
This is the age when parents begin to notice their kids not saying “thank you” or brushing past the gift. Be sure to notice when they practice gratitude well. Just point it out and say, “Noticed you were grateful. Super cool!” They want to feel like they are growing up. You don’t have to make a big splash, but they love it when people notice them doing things right.
Continue an intentional modeling of your own gratitude. It may feel like they don’t notice but they do. Your preteen is mirroring and learning from you and others. Provide your preteen with opportunities to serve. Some families go on missions trips, others serve at their church, and some serve their neighbors. There are many ways you can serve as a family. Invest the time to serve and emphasize the value of serving in your home. In fact, you can pleasantly and randomly surprise your preteens with simple but meaningful notes or small gifts when you notice them showing their gratitude through a heart of service.
This is the age some parents say they notice gratitude go out the window. There is a tendency for teens to become more self-centered as they adjust to their brain changes. These brain changes include a thirst to belong, have worth, have competence, and experience autonomy. They attention is much more sensitive to other people’s perceptions, opinions, affirmations, and acceptance.
The challenge is that when anxiety goes up, self-protection and self-focus go up. Statistics show that anxiety continues to rise among teens. Their use of devices continues to increase, which provides a temporary escape from their anxiety but gives them a false sense of belonging. However, the devices tend to also make them even more self-focused and distracted. Gratitude requires attention, intentionality, and pausing to notice.
Teens are still watching how you manage life. Continue to model gratitude. Mealtimes together are crucial as you dive into conversations that can highlight gratitude. Position a highlighter marker at the center of the table. Talk about what you would choose to highlight from the day and why. Go around the table and listen to each other’s highlighted memory or learning.
As you listen to your teen and validate their experiences and emotions, be patient as they learn to move past the perceived threats in their mind. You can model and teach ways to reflect on the love behind the gifts; the gifts behind adversities and moments of failure; gifts and talents each person is given and how they can be used to love others; and the variety of ways that circumstances can be processed.
Talk about the various creative ways you can express to other people that you’re thankful for them or something they’ve done for or given to you. See if the teens in your home can come up with some fun and creative ways to say “thank you” to others that moves past just a “thank you” note. We now have so many ways we can say “thank you”. It just takes time, effort, and creativity. Have fun pursuing gratitude in your family from the inside out.
Take our free 7 Traits of Effective Parenting Assessment to see where you rank in the area of gratitude.
Vice President, Parenting and Youth
Dr. Huerta oversees Focus’ initiatives that equip mothers and fathers with biblical and research based principles and guidance for raising healthy, resilient children rooted in a thriving faith in Christ.
Dr. Huerta is a bilingual psychologist, licensed clinical social worker, author of 7 Traits of Effective Parenting, and co-author of Focus on the Family’s Age and Stage resource, and various other resources. He is also the co-host and expert on the Focus on Parenting and the Practice Makes Parent podcasts.
For many years, he has provided families with practical, biblically-based, and research-based parenting advice on key parenting topics. He has been interviewed by various media outlets including Fox News, Fatherly, Christianity Today, WORLD Magazine, The Christian Post and CBN, and regularly speaks on Christian radio stations and podcasts across the United States. He’s also written for various publications and is a regular speaker at retreats, conventions, family camps, online events worldwide, and on various social media channels.
Dr. Huerta has maintained a private practice serving families in Colorado Springs since 2003 and has also served families as an employee of Focus on the Family since 2004.
He and his wife, Heather, love the outdoors, have been married since 1997, and love spending time with their two adult children.
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