An Interview With A Post-Abortive Father

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A father holds his child's hands
In an honest and heartfelt interview, Greg Smalley, Vice President of Marriage at Focus on the Family, opens up about what it's like to be a post-abortive father.

Raised in a Christian home, under the leadership of a prominent Christian minister, Greg Smalley understood that his life choices would affect more lives than his own. In his early twenties, under the misconception that it would salvage his future, his girlfriend’s future, and the future of his father’s ministry, Smalley became a post-abortive father. 

“This is thirty years ago, for me,” says Smalley, “and it still hurts.”

Smalley describes the day of the abortion with as much triggering detail as is provided by many post-abortive women.

“I can remember sitting in the waiting room. There’s a fish aquarium,” he raises his left hand as though the tank is still beside him, “and then there was music being piped in. I can’t tell you the name of the songs,” Smalley grows silent as he remembers. “but if they come on, and I hear them on the radio… I will have a sick reaction. My stomach literally churns.”

Being A Post-Abortive Father

For Smalley, the ripple effects of losing his son resonated throughout the rest of his life. After having made a decision he felt was wrong and even cowardly, the lies he believed about himself dictated the way he responded to his God-given role in marriage and parenting. For a while, Smalley even abandoned his call to the ministry, thinking there was no way God would forgive him after what he had done.

Today, after much inner-healing, Greg Smalley has become a pillar of wisdom at Focus on the Family. He shares his life experiences to help build strong husbands, fathers, and families as a whole.

When asked about how he was able to forgive himself and find inner healing, he lists off God-orchestrated events that brought about healing and freedom from his past. When asked what he would say to young men who are currently faced with similar situations, he meets the question with the boldness of a steadfast father.

An Interview With A Post-Abortive Father

In an honest and heartfelt interview, Greg Smalley, Vice President of Marriage at Focus on the Family, opens up about what it’s like to be a post-abortive father.

Every Fearful Father: A Gideon Story

Smalley refers to Gideon, the would-be warrior, who was hiding food at the time of the Lord’s calling (Judges 6). While Gideon was living in fear, the Lord spoke the truth over him:

“The angel of the Lord came and sat down under the oak in Ophrah that belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, where his son Gideon was threshing wheat in a winepress to keep it from the Midianites. When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, ‘The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.'”

At first, Gideon didn’t believe the angel. Gideon was all too familiar with the disheartening past of his people.

“‘Pardon me, my lord,’ Gideon replied, ‘but if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our ancestors told us about when they said, ‘Did not the Lord bring us up out of Egypt?’ But now the Lord has abandoned us and given us into the hand of Midian.'”

Gideon knew his past, but the Lord knew his future.

“The Lord turned to him and said, ‘Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?”

“That’s what I would so love to do,” says Smalley, “to be able to be with that young man and call out that mighty warrior within him.”

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There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.
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Understand How to Respect and Love your Son Well

Why doesn’t my son listen to me? Have you ever asked that question? The truth is, how you see your son and talk to him has a significant effect on how he thinks and acts. That’s why we want to help you. In fact, we’ve created a free five-part video series called “Recognizing Your Son’s Need for Respect” that will help you understand how showing respect, rather than shaming and badgering, will serve to motivate and guide your son.

Reconnected: The Digital Experience

Is the love there, but not the spark? Reawaken fun in your marriage and move from roommates to soulmates again with the help of this 7-part online video experience. Learn how to connect emotionally and spiritually as husband and wife using techniques such as dreaming together and establishing deep, heartfelt communication. The Digital Experience includes 7 teaching videos, an online study guide and access to additional tools and resources to help spouses reconnect.

Next Steps: Marriage Assessment

We want your marriage to be thriving and healthy. Take the free Marriage Assessment from Focus on the Family to learn how to strengthen your bond with your spouse and get the tools to help you need to grow closer together. 

Next Steps: Fruit of the Spirit Devotionals for Couples

The Fruit of the Spirit Devotional is a free series of nine short videos to get you into God’s Word and inspire you to seek the Holy Spirit’s help in loving your spouse.

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