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How Sleepless Jealousy Affected My Marriage

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Letting go of my grudge helped me appreciate my husband and focus on God’s character instead of my sleepless jealousy

AS A MOM OF FIVE, I feel as though I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in more than 11 years. My husband is wonderful—and a great dad—but he’s a deep sleeper. Combine sleepless kids with his deep dozes, and it’s a recipe for marital disaster.

In those early years, I’d try to wake him, but most often I was left to care for a crying baby alone. When morning finally dawned, I’d be physically drained and jealous of my husband’s glorious full night of sleep.

Hurt feelings

As our family continued to grow, I developed an unhealthy way of voicing my frustrations. I’d sarcastically say, “How nice it must be to get a full night’s rest,” or “You better not yawn today.” I’m not sure my husband knew how to respond. And my behavior did nothing to solve my predicament.

I knew I needed to release the hurt and bitterness I was harboring, but I didn’t know how. As I began to seek God more and reflect on the qualities of humility, gentleness and patience from Ephesians 4:2, He gently showed me what I needed to focus on. And it wasn’t my sleepless jealousy.

The Lord also showed me that my husband had limitations—and that was OK. I had my own set of limitations. They just looked different from his. I started seeing with fresh eyes that my husband offered me his best in other areas—things I equally needed and appreciated.

A much-needed rest

My gratefulness for my husband and my new gentler manner didn’t solve the other half of the problem, how-ever. I needed sleep. After talking it over, we agreed that I could nap in the morning after he was up and I had nursed the baby. This small change allowed me to get an extra 20 minutes of sleep—and wow, that helped

Fast-forward 10 years, past my time of sleepless jealousy. I no longer expect my husband to respond to my needs if I don’t voice them. I’ve learned that if I set aside my emotions when I talk with him, he is better able to hear and address the problem. When I stopped dropping hints and started discussing my needs and grievances openly, our communication quickly improved.

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There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.
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Understand How to Respect and Love your Son Well

Why doesn’t my son listen to me? Have you ever asked that question? The truth is, how you see your son and talk to him has a significant effect on how he thinks and acts. That’s why we want to help you. In fact, we’ve created a free five-part video series called “Recognizing Your Son’s Need for Respect” that will help you understand how showing respect, rather than shaming and badgering, will serve to motivate and guide your son.

Reconnected: The Digital Experience

Is the love there, but not the spark? Reawaken fun in your marriage and move from roommates to soulmates again with the help of this 7-part online video experience. Learn how to connect emotionally and spiritually as husband and wife using techniques such as dreaming together and establishing deep, heartfelt communication. The Digital Experience includes 7 teaching videos, an online study guide and access to additional tools and resources to help spouses reconnect.

Next Steps: Marriage Assessment

We want your marriage to be thriving and healthy. Take the free Marriage Assessment from Focus on the Family to learn how to strengthen your bond with your spouse and get the tools to help you need to grow closer together. 

Next Steps: Fruit of the Spirit Devotionals for Couples

The Fruit of the Spirit Devotional is a free series of nine short videos to get you into God’s Word and inspire you to seek the Holy Spirit’s help in loving your spouse.

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