Marriage Meditation — Best Marriage Advice: You Can’t Change Your Spouse

By Bill Arbuckle
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email
a man and woman are showered with rice and confetti after their wedding
© Wedding photography/Adobe Stock
The best marriage advice says you can’t fix your spouse. But God specializes in fixing broken things. He cares about your marriage.

Getting Started

  • Read today’s marriage devotion.
  • Share today’s question with your spouse.

Today’s Video

Today’s Devotion

“You can’t change your spouse.” — Best Marriage Advice, from a Focus on the Family Facebook post.

What is the best marriage advice you’ve received? Did someone share words of wisdom at your wedding reception? Did a friend encourage you and your spouse through those early days of marriage?

During a recent Facebook live event, Dr. Greg and Erin Smalley — authors, counselors and Focus on the Family’s marriage experts — asked viewers to share their best marriage advice. We’re sharing those thoughts as part of the Marriage Meditation series and looking at what God’s Word says about these tidbits of truth.

Scripture Reading

  • Psalm 139:14 — “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”
  • Philippians 2:3 — “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”
  • Philippians 2:5-7 —“Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant.”
  • Psalm 147:3 — “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

Discover the Strengths and Weaknesses of Your Marriage

In order to strengthen and grow your marriage, it is important to first know and evaluate how it is doing. Take a free marriage assessment to identify the key areas where you could use improvement and the tools that will help you with that. We want your marriage to be thriving and healthy. Take this free assessment to strengthen your marriage!


While it may be lore, the story is told of the time automaker Henry Ford helped a farmer fix a broken-down car. Ford was coming home from a camping trip when he stopped to repair the man’s car. Ford used his own tools, his own parts and soon got the man’s car back in working order. When the farmer attempted to pay, Ford politely refused and then sent the man on his way.

Imagine that! The president of the Ford Motor Company (and one of the most famous people in the country) rolling up his sleeves, getting down in the dirt and helping a common man with his troubles.

Henry Ford vs. your marriage

It’s one thing to fix a car. With enough tools, time and money, almost any car can be repaired or restored. Your spouse, however, isn’t a car. And that’s why the old phrase, “You can’t change your spouse.” Is some of the best marriage advice you’ll ever receive.

Here’s the truth: Your spouse is broken. Because of sin, we’re all broken. One broken person trying to fix another’s brokenness leads toward more brokenness. So, how do  you change your spouse’s bad habits? Their addiction? Their differences?

Start by taking your spouse’s brokenness to God.

God isn’t afraid to roll up His sleeves, get down into the dirt and messiness of our lives and help us in our troubles. Philippians 2:5-7 tells us Christ took on the form of a servant and willingly embraced our messiness. Then, He redeemed us from that messiness. He alone can change your spouse’s brokenness and make them whole.

What should you do while God is changing your spouse?

  • Thank God for your spouse. Psalm 139:14 says we are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” There is something both awe-inspiring and wonderful in the way God made your spouse. And then, He brought you together. God has a purpose for you and your spouse. Take a moment and thank Him for your marriage.
  • Check your motive and attitude. Philippians 2:3 tells us to “do nothing from selfish ambition.” God may be using your spouse’s behavior to help you mature in your relationship. (However, if your spouse is abusive or addicted to harmful substances, we urge you to seek help immediately.)
  • Serve like Jesus. It’s not easy to serve your spouse. That’s why we have to look to Jesus. He set the example and understands the challenges you face. He also offers grace and strength.

God specializes in fixing broken things. The best marriage advice says you can’t fix your spouse. But you know the One who can. He cares about your marriage.


Heavenly Father, thank You for fixing broken things and broken people. Amen.

Today’s Question

How can I pray for you and serve you?

Additional Resources

© 2020 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. Originally published on

Learn How to Cherish your Spouse and Have a Deeper Connection

Do you cherish your spouse? Couples who cherish each other understand that God created everyone different, and as a result they treasure the unique characteristics in their spouse. We want to help you do just that. Start the free five-part video course called, “Cherish Your Spouse”, and gain a deeper level of connection with your spouse.

Book Cover: Aftershock A Plan for Recovery

Aftershock: Overcoming His Secret Life with Pornography: A Plan for Recovery

This book is for women who have discovered their husband’s struggle with pornography and other sexual infidelities. Based on biblical principles and psychologically sound advice, Aftershock is designed to help women heal, grow, and receive restoration for themselves, their husbands, and their marriages.
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

How useful was this article?

Click or Tap on a star to rate it!

Average Rating: 5 / 5

We are sorry that this was not useful for you!

Help us to improve.

Tell us how we can improve this article.

About the Author

You May Also Like

girl holding magnifying glass
Foster Care

One Way to Support Foster Families

“One of the biggest blessings has been having certified babysitters available. When I have events, need to run an errand, or need a small break, I know that there are trusted people I can call on to come to watch my kids. “

Focus on the Family Broadcast logo

Using Kindness to Open Doors in the Culture

Biola University President Dr. Barry Corey sheds light on the Bible’s definition of kindness and describes how Christians can more effectively practice kindness in their daily lives.