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Home » Parenting » Deconstruction: Guide Your Teens Questioning Their Faith

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Deconstruction: Guide Your Teens Questioning Their Faith

What is considered toxic today, though, is largely determined by subjective experience, not objective truth.

We’ve all seen social media posts of people ­announcing they’re leaving the Christian faith. Often shared under the hashtag #deconstruction, these posts may express indifference or anger. Joy. Freedom. Grief. Loss. Each journey is unique, and yet many tell the same story about abandoning certain doctrines of the Christian faith, which they call “toxic theology.”

Deconstruction is a fairly new phenomenon birthed out of postmodernism, a philosophical approach that questions many of the ideas that define our modern world, such as reason and logic, individual liberties and even faith. Those who view life through this lens are deeply skeptical of whether objective truth can be known, especially when it comes to religion and morality.

What does all this have to do with Christian parenting and discipleship?

Everything!

Because postmodernism is the water our kids are swimming in. 

The deconstruction lens

According to a groundbreaking study conducted in 2018 by the Barna Group and Impact 360 Institute, most Gen Zers believe that morality changes over time, and what is right is individually determined. In other words, what’s true (or right) for one person can be false (or wrong) for someone else.

Since postmodernism denies objective truth, it can be jarring for Gen Zers when a Christian comes along claiming that humans are sinful, marriage is between one man and one woman, Jesus died for our sins and hell is real. Gen Zers assume that Christians who hold these beliefs must be vying for power or control through fear. Such truth claims are deemed toxic, and it’s virtuous to ditch them.

If deconstruction ideology can convince people to reject the idea of an outside source of authority, trust their own hearts and live their own truth, it can obliterate a believer’s ­confidence in Christianity.

Countering deconstruction lies

Trying to disciple teens in today’s America is a tough calling. They are constantly inundated with deconstruction lies through social media platforms. And they can’t even enter a grocery store or mall without encountering a pride flag or woke slogan. As Christian parents, what can we do to counter the lies?

Here are some practical suggestions:

Discuss difficult topics. There’s no simple solution to insulate our kids from the deconstruction movement, but we do have a responsibility to disciple our kids. That means exposing them to what is going on in the culture and discussing issues from God’s perspective. Talking through difficult topics such as sex and gender, Marxist philosophy (which targets the nuclear family) and deconstruction at an early age can help us stay ahead of cultural trends rather than playing catch-up later.

When my daughter was around 8 years old, I talked to her about homosexuality. I’m glad I did, because it allowed me to continue our conversation as LGBT topics permeated the culture.

Refuse to redefine words. Another way to help shield our kids from deconstructionism is to resist the urge to redefine words. In recent years, well-meaning evangelical leaders have pushed to change the word deconstruction to mean something healthy or good. Maybe you’ve heard someone say, “Just deconstruct in a healthy way!”

This is a dangerous approach because deconstruction is anything but healthy. Thousands of people who post #deconstruction have one goal in mind: to turn others away from evangelical Christianity.

Test everything. The best way to counter deconstruction is to offer our kids a different path. We should encourage them to make their faith their own, align their beliefs with Scripture and validate them with evidence. The Bible tells us to “test everything” (1 Thessalonians 5:21).

Should we encourage our kids to ask hard questions and get rid of any beliefs that are unbiblical or untrue?

Absolutely!

But we would be wise to avoid calling this process deconstruction. Instead, let’s teach our kids a healthier word like transformation. Rather than deconstructing beliefs based on subjective experience, they can reform them based on God’s Word.

Talk about truth. When our teens hear that truth isn’t absolute, we can help them counter this claim with examples. After all, absolutes are all around us. Talk with your kids about mathematical absolutes, such as 2 + 2 = 4 and scientific absolutes, such as gravity.

Then as a family, discuss examples in Scripture like

1 Corinthians 15:17: “If Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile and you are still in your sins.” Christ was either raised from the dead or He wasn’t. That’s absolute truth. It’s not like picking your favorite color or choosing what you want to have for lunch.

Model genuine Christianity. Finally, model what it looks like to live an authentic Christian life. This is something my parents did well. They were real. When many of my friends went down the deconstruction path, they almost always described Christianity as hypocritical, abusive, legalistic and suffocating. I couldn’t relate to this. My parents weren’t perfect, but they regularly read the Bible and prayed with me, and modeled repentance by asking for forgiveness. They served others and weren’t legalistic. They taught me that the Bible is God’s Word, fully inspired and inerrant. It seems so simple, but their authentic faith in Jesus had a powerful effect in my life.

God has chosen us as Christian parents for such a time as this. I have so much hope for our children’s generation. God is raising up strong and godly young people to serve Him in uncertain times, and we get to parent them. What a wonderful gift and responsibility.

My journey to restored faith

I could have been one of millions proudly displaying the #deconstruction hashtag in my social media posts. After several years in the Christian music industry, I found myself in a crisis of faith. All the travel, radio interviews, writing and recording took a spiritual and emotional toll on me, along with the things I saw in Christian culture that needed reform.

During this time, I sat under the teaching of a progressive Christian pastor and became intellectually convinced that the Bible I had trusted my entire life was unreliable, and the historic claims of Christianity were most likely untrue. After just four months of listening to skeptical claims against the trustworthiness of the Bible, the nature of God and the truth of the Gospel, I found my faith shipwrecked.

One night, I cried out to God, ­begging Him to send someone who could refute these claims and restore the faith that had been so precious to me. God answered my prayers, leading me to study, read and listen to every resource I could get my hands on. Over the course of several years, I stripped down my beliefs to the studs. Then I carefully considered every teaching, practice and theological position I had uncritically accepted in my youth, and God rebuilt my beliefs from the ground up.

The process was disorienting and agonizing, but I concluded that Christianity is true. I’m thankful that the Lord allowed me to walk through that harrowing ordeal. I’m also grateful for the faithful discipleship of my parents. Without their influence and example, my Christian faith might have deconstructed into agnosticism or some undefined spirituality. Instead, my faith in God and His Son and His Word has grown.

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