The Mom Sparkle

Estimated reading time: 13 minutes

When I was growing up, one of my chores was to polish the fancy silverware. Over time, the silver would lose its shine, so I had to take out each piece and make it sparkle again. It was always satisfying to see the silverware regain its beauty and shine. It took work and care to do so. Psalm 139:13-14 says, “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”

Shining through the invisible load

As a father and therapist, I can’t speak from “mom” experience. However, I do get to speak from the perspective of a supporter, listener, counselor, and spouse. Over the years, I’ve talked with moms who have felt regret or sadness about not being present, playful, loving, or good enough for their kids.

They have felt exhausted and like they’re constantly falling short of the original intentions. What they don’t realize, is that their story isn’t finished. The messes are just part of it.

There’s still more ahead as they discover more of what it means to embody a maternal identity, and even under the weight of chores, work, and a busy schedule, that inner sparkle can shine again.

Think about your own sparkle.

What does your soul know that maybe you’re not aware of? What would your family say are some of the sparkles they see? Imagine how you’d feel with more rest, better health, or regular encouragement for all the things you do every day. Picture Zephaniah 3:17 (ESV), “The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing.”

Can you picture Him doing this over you? He created you with hopes, dreams, skills, talents, interests, longings, and an invitation to shine His love toward others through you.

There are plenty of other times I’ve seen my wife’s sparkle in our home. Recently, my wife and I had dinner with our son and his wife. I asked him, “What’s something that reminds you of your mom’s sparkle from when you were growing up?” He paused and said, “When we would read books together.”

Remember what Jesus said, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle (meek) and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your soul. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30 – ESV).”

One of my favorite anonymous quotes that serves as a great reminder is, “If you live close to God and His infinite grace, you don’t have to tell; it shows on your face.”

Intentional motherhood

Did you know that a mom’s calm voice can lower her child’s stress hormone, cortisol?

In a University of Wisconsin-Madison study, girls ages 7 to 12 were asked to perform a stressful public-speaking task. Some were comforted by their mom in person, some by their mom’s voice on the phone, and others by a neutral video. The girls comforted by their moms, either in person or by phone, saw their cortisol levels drop and return to normal within about 30 minutes. In the other group, cortisol remained elevated after the test and didn’t decline as quickly.

I love seeing all the ways moms show their sparkle. It can shine through your laughter, smiles, confidence, creativity, affection, dreams, skills, talents, encouragement, and more. From the moment your child was conceived, your loving voice and presence have helped lower stress and increase bonding for both you and your children.

Research shows that a mom’s warmth, along with her wise guidance, can help reduce anxiety, depression, and stress in her children.

Researchers have found that a mother’s genuine warmth and sensitivity can boost a child’s resilience, academics, health, and social skills. In one study, 8,540 children were followed for 17 years. Kids who experienced warmth from their moms at age 3 had much better mental and physical health at age 17.

Here are some sparkles you might want to bring back if they’ve dimmed a bit:

The sparkle

As a result, the first sparkle is your warmth. This includes your smile, thoughtfulness, and calm voice, which can be lost in the stress of it all. Depending on your personality, your warmth may show up in different ways. Talkers often show warmth with friendliness, encouraging words, or hugs. Thinkers might express it through thoughtful gestures, notes, or acts of service. Leaders may show warmth by recognizing others or speaking encouraging words. Peacemakers often show warmth through one-on-one time, eye contact, a gentle voice, and encouragement.

• Your baby doesn’t understand your words yet, but they are reading your face and body language. A slow smile, a soft “I love you,” is exactly the sparkle they need from you.
• Your toddler and preschooler would love your calm, consistent, reassuring voice, along with a genuine hug or soft tickles on their arm or back.
• Warmth during the school-age and preteen years can look like sitting on the edge of their bed for a few minutes. Asking a few questions and genuinely waiting for their answers. Let them share some of their thoughts, experiences, and worries with you.
• Your teen would still love your hug, reassuring words, and “I believe in you!” Find ways to calm your emotions, even when theirs are ramped up. Your warm sparkle can be a calming presence amid an emotional storm.  

The second sparkle, closely tied to warmth, is your spontaneous enthusiasm.

This is the energy and joy you bring to everyday moments. Your enthusiasm can be contagious at home, but it can get dimmed in the busyness of it all. As a therapist and speaker, I’ve seen kids roll their eyes at their mom’s excitement, but I’ve also seen how much they secretly love it and miss it when it’s gone. This enthusiasm often brings out your playful side, which kids of all ages enjoy. Let your spontaneity, smile, and warmth shine. Even if it feels a bit awkward, it’s part of your mom sparkle. It can lower stress and boost bonding hormones for both you and your children.

• Babies and toddlers are joy-mirrors. When your face lights up over a flower or a butterfly or a ridiculous song, their whole body responds to yours.
• Your school-age and preteen child wants to be silly. Your willingness to be spontaneously enthusiastic and a little hyper about things allows them to do the same. They are starting to worry about what others think of them, especially when they’re silly or stand out somehow.  
• Share something you’re actually excited about with your teen. Let them see that you still find life interesting. That’s quietly contagious.

The third sparkle that might have faded is your creative side, whether it’s telling stories or reading them. Think about what you’d do if you had some free time to be creative. Moms are amazing storytellers, especially when they feel relaxed and present, even though that can be hard with a busy schedule. Take a moment to breathe and let your creativity shine. You can find fun craft and recipe ideas at www.clubhousemagazine.com. There are plenty of other ways to bring out your creativity once again. Most of the time, it’s time and energy that are the issue. These moments don’t have to be elaborate. You can have moments of imagination in the car, on hikes, on walks, in the park, or in the house. Creativity is available wherever you go.

• Toddlers and preschoolers have vivid imaginations waiting for yours to intersect with theirs. A cardboard box is a spaceship. A blanket is a cave. A stuffed animal talks. A stick has power. Your willingness to enter their imaginary world and play along is an incredible gift that may seem long in the moment, but gone in a flash.
• Your school-age and preteen kids are likely to enjoy making things alongside you, not just watching you make them. Invite them into your creativity, even if it’s messy. Bake something experimental. Build something new and impractical. Make art together or plant a garden.
• Let your teen see you draw, paint, cook, make something, do something a new way, play music, or write a creative piece. It may inspire them, and they may join in sometime.

The fourth sparkle is keeping your dreams alive.

Even if your dreams are on hold, it helps to share and talk about them. My wife dreams of having a flower farm one day, and I’ve seen her light up when she shares this with our kids. Do you ever dream out loud with your children? Invite your family into your dreams, even the ones that are paused. Let your kids help you shape and imagine them. You might find joy in dreaming together, and your kids will notice the hope and excitement in your eyes.

• Toddlers are natural dreamers! Dream alongside them. Ask them, “Imagine if we had a garden full of sunflowers and pumpkins, what do you think it would look like?” “What if we played all day long? What would you want to play?”
• Try dreaming together out loud with your preteen. Say, “If we could go anywhere, where would you want to go?” “If you could learn anything, what would it be?” “If fear or failure weren’t an issue, what dream career would you pursue?”
• Share a dream with your teen that you set aside and why you don’t regret it. Or share one you’re still holding. Teens are listening for authenticity. Your real story, including the parts still unwritten, is powerful!

The fifth sparkle is showing your kids the gifts and talents God has given you.

You might even have hidden talents you haven’t found yet. What are you naturally good at, and how can you make time to enjoy or try those things? Have fun exploring and sharing the skills and talents God has given you to love those around you and bring glory to Him.

In I Peter 4:10 (ESV) it says, “As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace.” When you pursue your interests with enthusiasm, your children are inspired to do the same.

• With infants and toddlers, sing if you can sing. Draw if you like to draw. Organize, cook, garden, dance, write, fix things. They are absorbing who you are.
• Let your school-age and preteen kids come alongside you. If you’re good at something, invite them in. Not to teach, just to share. “I love doing this. Want to try with me?” is incredibly connecting.
• Teens are in the thick of figuring out who they are and what they’ve been created to do. A mom who is still growing into her own gifts, or rediscovering ones she set aside, is a living example that identity is a lifelong journey of discovery.

Your curious side is the sixth sparkle to highlight. This includes your excitement and sense of adventure. Not everyone is naturally adventurous, but everyone has curiosity. Maybe you ask thoughtful questions or give your full attention. Your curiosity is a way your sparkle shows. I’ve seen this both in counseling and at home. When moms are curious in a caring way, kids love it. There’s a big difference between being curious to correct and being curious to truly know your child. The second kind brings out your sparkle, while the first can feel tiring.

• When your infant or toddler is on the floor, curiosity looks like getting down with them. Following their gaze. Asking “what is that?” about something they’re looking at, even when you already know the answer.
• With your school-age or preteen child, try replacing “How was school?” with a specific question: “What’s something that frustrated you today?” or “Who do you think knows you best in your class?” Specific questions that go beyond “yes” or “no” open doors to conversation and sharing.
• Be curious about your teen’s world without needing to approve or redirect it. Ask about the music they listen to, the content they consume, the friends they admire — not to monitor, but to understand. They can tell the difference, and it matters enormously.

The seventh and often overlooked sparkle is your playful and humorous side. This part of you can get lost in the stress and busyness of life. Research from Penn State shows that humor in parenting strengthens the bond with your child.

In a 2025 study, moms said play was relaxing. Playfulness is good for both you and your child. Even if you’re not naturally playful, just being willing to have fun makes a difference. You don’t have to be a comedian.

Remember that you’re the funniest person your toddler has ever met and one of the weirdest your teen knows. Here are some examples for different ages that might get an idea or two going to help you bring back your sparkle through play today:

• Have a dance party with your baby. Move to music together. Your gentle movement, calm voice, and singing can soothe both you and your baby. It’s a wonderful way to connect.
• Plan an animal festival with your toddler. Hop, howl, stomp, crawl, jump, bark, and slither around the house together. Name the animals as you go. This helps you keep the fun and silliness alive during the early days of motherhood.
• Create an obstacle course with your preschooler using chairs, tables, pillows, sheets, blankets, and cushions. Add music to make it even more fun. You might even end up having another dance party.
• Life gets busier when your kids reach school age. Try flashlight story time, hide-and-seek, or anything else that brings out your playful side. These moments create memories and strengthen your bond, setting the stage for the preteen years. If your kids see your playful side now, it won’t surprise them later on and may be something they ask for often.
• With your preteen, try slowing down and doing new things together. Use a funny accent or voice when you invite them to cook a new recipe. Even cheesy humor can make a big difference. You don’t have to be a comedian, just be yourself and relaxed. Surprise water fights, or Nerf gun battles, can also be fun at this age. Preteens often become more guarded, so show them what a positive attitude looks like, especially during tough times.
• With your teens, try being spontaneous and looking for new experiences. Teens enjoy excitement and a bit of mystery. Share your playful smile and attitude with them. Real laughter and playfulness help build strong bonds and resilience. Try a new restaurant together, get your nails done with your daughter, have them invite their friends for a night of games with your family, or surprise them with a spontaneous song, rap, or dance. You can even continue Nerf gun battles every once in a while. Your playful side can make an ordinary day special. Life isn’t always about fun, but it’s easy to lose playfulness during the busy teen years.

I have fond memories of seeing my mom’s playful and funny side. I loved those moments and can still picture her smile and hear her laughter. It was a real gift. Now, I think about my daughter in college. She brings joy and sparkle wherever she goes, especially with her wit and playfulness. I know life will get busier for her, and I hope she learns to maintain and restore her sparkle when she needs to!

Remember, simple moments matter. They help your child grow, strengthen your relationship, and are good for you, too. Think about the different ways you can bring your sparkle back into daily life. Motherhood is an amazing, life-changing role, and your sparkle is a big part of it.

Before you try these ideas, take a deep breath and be gentle with yourself. This isn’t a competition, and you don’t have to be perfect. Just do your best to let your different sparkles shine for you and your family. If you have moments or ideas to share with the Focus on the Family community, we’d love to hear from you.

I hope you enjoy this adventure, with all its challenges, demands, and playful moments that turn into treasured memories full of laughter and fun. Be sure to take some time to be still (Psalm 46:10) and let God restore your sparkle. That is where the sparkle begins and where it can be fully restored.

As a next step, consider taking a few moments to explore the 7 Traits of Effective Parenting Assessment. It will give you important and life-giving insights that will take the guesswork out regarding your strengths and opportunities for growth as a mom to each of your kids.