What Is Financial Abuse in Marriage?
Darby Strickland, a counselor and teacher at the Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation, defines financial abuse in marriage and offers advice for helping wives who are oppressed in this way.
50% of females and 35% of males reported that they had abused or been violent toward their partner.
Estimated reading time: 9 minutes
Sasha sat around the high school lunch table with her teenage friends, listening as they chattered about last Saturday’s homecoming dance. Sasha pulled her sweater sleeves down, even though it was eighty degrees out, hoping she could hide the bruises. She’d bet a plate of nacho fries that no one else at the table had experienced teen dating violence on Saturday night.
“What happened to your face?” Brittney asked her.
“Oh, nothing,” Sasha lied, touching the bruise on her cheek. “I was walking the dog, and it decided to chase a rabbit. He dragged me right into a fence.” The lie seemed accepted, and the group moved on to the next subject.
After lunch, when Sasha and her best friend Amber were in the bathroom reapplying their makeup before chemistry, Amber asked, “Okay, what really happened to your face?”
Sasha glanced around at the empty stalls. “Brandon slapped me because I danced with Joey.”
“Are you serious? Joey has been your best friend since you were, like, five.”
“I know. Brandon said I embarrassed him and that if I ever danced with anyone else ever again, or talked to any of the guys at all, he’d do worse next time.” Sasha rolled her sleeves up to wash her hands, and Amber gasped at the bruises on her friend’s arms.
“You’ve got to leave that jerk. He doesn’t get to control you or who you hang out with.”
“But he loves me and is so good to me. Besides, he brought me roses yesterday to apologize for overreacting. He’s a really good guy, he just gets jealous sometimes.”
Amber gave her the side eye. “If he ever touches you again, you need to tell someone, like your parents or the school counselor. They can help.”
“No, I can’t tell them. No one can know! I’d be so embarrassed and Brandon would really act out then. And what would my parents think of me? They’d be so disappointed.”
When our teenagers start dating, it is the beginning of a new and often confusing time in their lives. It can be challenging for parents to know how to relate to their teens and guide them through the new landscape of relationships. However, one area that is often overlooked during this stage is teen dating violence.
Teen and young adult relationships are often complex. However, it is critical to point out that there is a major difference between teenagers who don’t get along and abuse. Abuse is the intentional harm to another person. Dating violence can involve stalking or any physical, emotional, verbal, or sexual abuse that happens within a teenager’s dating relationships.
Dating violence can happen to anyone regardless of their grades, what extracurricular activities they’re involved in, or social status among peers. Even if your teenager seems happy in their relationship, that doesn’t mean they are safe. Teens in abusive dating relationships may not understand what’s happening or know what to do about it, so taking an active role in your teenager’s relationships is critical for their safety. It is important for us as parents to begin a dialogue with our kids when they are still at home, because when they leave home after high school and are living independently, their risk for dating violence increases.
If you’re one of the 81% of parents who are not familiar with teen dating violence or don’t think that it’s an issue, think again. Some surprising statistics show how prevalent it is in our teenagers’ relationships.
Now that you know how common teen dating violence is among teenagers, you may be wondering if your teenager is in a relationship where abuse is occurring. If it is happening, you will want to help your teenager find a safe way to exit the relationship.
Dating violence can impact a person for their entire life and be harmful to them both physically and emotionally. Teen dating violence can cause your teenager to become withdrawn, exhibit signs of depression and anxiety, and begin experimenting with drugs and alcohol. The relationships that your teenager has now can set the stage for their future relationships.
Brian Pinero, the Vice President of Victim Services at RAINN, says, “Dating Violence doesn’t have an age restriction. It isn’t defined by gender identity. And it doesn’t look the same for every relationship. To answer the question, ‘What does dating violence look like?’ isn’t so straightforward—and that’s what makes it difficult to spot.”
If your teen is experiencing teen dating violence, they will often exhibit warning signs. Some of these may be subtle but can point to a larger relationship problem. Some of these signs include:
As our teenagers are out of the house more often, spending time at school, extracurricular activities, and engaging with friends and dating partners, it can be challenging for parents to know what is happening in their lives. It is critical that we create safe spaces for conversations with our teenagers and connect with them. Here are some discussion questions that you can ask of your teenager’s dating relationship.
Here are some helpful resources for you and your teenager if they are experiencing teen dating violence.
Know that if your teenager is experiencing teen dating violence, you are not alone. Many other parents are in your shoes. Be encouraged that there are resources out there to help you help your teenager. You have the beautiful opportunity to teach them what a healthy relationship looks like and to help them learn how to navigate the landscape of relationships. The support you give and the discussions you have now can have a lasting impact on them for years to come.