Titus 2: Hope for Moms Struggling With Mom Guilt

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes

I remember it like it was yesterday. The house was finally quiet. And there I was again, laying in bed after a hectic day with my kids, staring at the ceiling, replaying the day like a highlight reel of everything I’d done wrong. Rehearsing how I had raised my voice when I should have lowered it. I’d been distracted when my children needed me present. I prioritized my to-do list over tender moments. Once again, familiar regret washed over me for not being the mom I had hoped I would be – the mom I longed to be.

As sleep finally started to pull me under, I’d whisper those five familiar words to myself:

I’ll be a better mom tomorrow

But when tomorrow never came, mom-guilt plagued my anguished soul. Maybe you’ve whispered those very words to yourself, too. And maybe, like me, you’ve realized the painful reality: tomorrow has a way of arriving and looking a whole lot like today. Same pressures and shortcomings. Same whisper to yourself at night.

Sweet momma, you are not alone. And the change you are longing for? It is possible. But, it won’t come from forcing yourself to try harder. For me the change came in an unexpected way.

The women who changed everything

The turning point for me didn’t come from the countless parenting books I’d purchased – but never took the time to actually read all the way through. It came from women. Real, honest, imperfect, God-loving women who had walked this road ahead of me.

When I was feeling alone and without hope, I whispered a desperate prayer for help. I started thinking about how in Titus-chapter-two, God calls the older women to train the younger how to love their husbands and their children. I thought, Ok. If this is God’s journey-woman/apprentice program, where do I sign up?

My husband was in youth ministry at the time, so I decided the best place to look for an older woman I’d want to emulate, was to observe the moms of our teens. “Which kids still liked their parents? Whose children are following Christ?”

Once I zeroed in on the moms I respected, I had to courageously force myself to ask them for help. They were more than willing to come along side of me. They simply became my friends. I showed up for coffee dates. I lingered after church to enjoy their company. And they walked with me through the beautiful chaos of raising children.

But the most influential way they helped was not what I expected. When Gayle invited me to come to her Bible study, I was less than excited about attending a weekly “older women’s” class – which required a ton of homework. However, I was new at being a stay-at-home mother and I was craving connection with other adults, so I agreed to give it a try.

I was the only twenty-something-aged woman in the group. Everyone else was older. My first thought was, “Oh man this is going to be boring.”

Boy, was I wrong!

What I soon discovered was a wealth of wisdom as these precious women shared what God was teaching them through the passages we studied. They were real. They were raw. And they were super funny too.

I always say, Old ladies know stuff. In fact that’s the name of my podcast which is a loving nod toward the Titus 2 Woman.

Women who have walked this journey ahead of you have learned from their successes and their failures. And if they are women of the Word they will filter life’s highs and lows through the lens of scripture––which has developed in them a quiet confidence in the providence of God. A confidence they can pass on to you when circumstances of your life seem to not make sense. I promise you, their words of wisdom are apples of gold!

I am certain that the years I spent studying the Bible with these women developed a deep bond with them that I would have missed had I dismissed their invitation to join their class. My friendship with these older women transformed the way I lived out my faith and how I raised my children. I believe the same will be true for you.

Friend, if you don’t have a Titus 2 woman in your life, ask God for one. And then keep your eyes open. She may be sitting two pews ahead of you on Sunday morning.

You’re not the first mother to feel this way

In my book, Moms of the Bible, I enjoyed sitting with the stories of mothered their children in their generation. Some were fearless, some were flawed – and some were faithful. What I found were moms who wrestled with the same fears, the same failures, the same desperate longing to raise their children well.

Jochebed let go of control and trusted God with the outcome when she put Moses in a basket and placed him in the Nile. Hannah wept so bitterly in the temple that the priest thought she had been drinking––but the priest’s failure to understand her grief didn’t deter her faith in God. Mary held the weight of an assignment she couldn’t fully comprehend, and she said yes anyway. The moms in Scripture didn’t raise their kids in perfect circumstances. They had a perfect God.

And so do you.

Friend, God has not called you to be a perfect mother. But He has called you to be a faithful one. And to what He has called you, He will equip you––through His Word, through prayer, through the godly women He places in your path. And by doing life together with like-minded moms who will cheer you on in your successes and pick you up when you alter.

Four lifelines for the mom who’s ready to change

Scripture. The Bible isn’t a book that condemns a weary mother, rather it is a love letter from your heavenly Father who sees you when you’re whispering to yourself in the dark. Open it. Memorize it. Let God’s Word remind you who you are and Whose you are.

Prayer. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous mom accomplishes much. Don’t underestimate the power of a mother on her knees. God moves in mighty ways through your prayers over your kids.

Godly Mentors. Find older women who’ve walked this journey ahead of you. Ask them questions. Learn from their stories. Let their wisdom speak life over you when you’re tempted to believe you’re the only mom who has felt inadequate and alone. Old ladies know stuff––take it from me, a mother of four adult children and grandmother of 15. We’ve learned a thing or two along the way. We’ve got the battle scars to prove it. From our success and our failures, we’re ready to share what God has taught us.

Community. Link arms with like-minded women who are in the trenches with you. Motherhood was never expected to be lived out in isolation. And don’t convince yourself that your social media friend group is enough––it’s not. We need each other in real life. Not the perfect picture high-light-reel friendships, but the honest, showing-up-on-the-hard-days version.

This is your moment in history

Here is what I want you to grab hold of, especially on days when you feel like you’re drowning in mom-guilt: Generation after generation, God has entrusted mothers to be the first teachers of world-changers. Not theologians. Not scholars or kings.

Mothers.

And when you feel like you are not enough, you’re right. Alone you are not enough. But with Christ in you the hope of glory, He will make you sufficient for this blessed calling of motherhood (see Colossians 1:27 and 2 Corinthians 3:5).

Moses was shaped by Jochebed before he ever stood before Pharaoh. Samuel was formed by Hannah’s faith before he heard God’s voice. And Timothy’s sincere faith was fist kindled by his mother and grandmother. The hand that rocks the cradle echoes throughout eternity.

This is your time in history, momma. The children you’re raising – the ones who exhaust you, delight you and make you whisper prayers in the dark– are your assignment. You are the right woman for this sacred calling of motherhood.

So, tonight, when you lie down and play back the day in your mind, remember something different. Instead of whispering to yourself, I’ll be a better mom tomorrow, whisper this:

“Lord, I need your wisdom and strength. Please help me trust You. Please redeem where I failed my kids today, and fill them with grace to overlook my flaws. Help me be a reflection of Christ to my children so they will want to know my Savior. And please surround me with older women and a community of friends who will help me run this race––with my eyes fixed on Jesus.”

We see you, sweet momma. Every sacrifice made without applause. Every prayer whispered over your sleeping child. We see you. And we are cheering you on. We are covering you in prayers. We believe in the sacred, world-shaping work you’re doing for the glory of God. And we are praying for your children to grow up to follow Jesus and to one day rise up and call you blessed.