Christmas is a joyful time for many, but it can also be marked with grief for birth mothers. There is often sadness as she spends these moments away from her child. It’s another milestone missed and more memories that another family gets to treasure. As with other times of the year, birth mothers can feel forgotten. That is why we want to support birth mothers especially during Christmas.
1. Remember Her
If you know a birth mom, whether through your adoption or a friend, remember her this Christmas. Take a moment to reach out and check in on her heart and how she is feeling. If she wants to talk, be there for her and listen. You likely can’t fix or truly understand her emotions, but sometimes a listening ear is the best thing you can do to be there for her. Share scriptures with her to help uplift her soul. Help her to feel seen and to know that God sees her too!
2. Invite Her
Showing your support to birth mothers can be an invitation to a Christmas dinner or a simple coffee date. Including her in Christmas festivities helps her to know that you are thinking of her. Perhaps she’ll choose not to come, due to the common fears of a birth mother or schedule issues, but the act of inviting her will mean the world. It shows you care and desire her company. Especially if she doesn’t have a supportive family nearby, invite her into yours. If you know several birth moms, create a small (COVID friendly) dinner or support group to exchange ornaments or gifts. These can be done virtually and through mail too!
3. An Ornament in Honor of Her Child
On my first Christmas as a birth mom, our daughter was six months old. My sweet stepmom bought me a “Baby’s 1st Christmas” ornament to hang on our tree in honor of our journey over the past year, acknowledging that she was still a special part of our lives. The next year, she gave me a picture ornament where we placed a picture of my birth daughter and me together at a visit. Ornaments don’t have to be expensive or fancy but can be packed with memories, and they can be a fantastic way to honor her choice. Also, they’re a tangible reminder that her child is still present in her heart at Christmas.
4. Extra Meaningful Gifts
If you are an adoptive parent with an open adoption, you hold so many precious memories and items you can share with their birth mom! There is no better gift than those that my birth daughter’s parents give to me at Christmas. They aren’t fancy or expensive, but they are so thoughtful! Usually, in some way, they involve my birth daughter. Photos are like little pieces of gold to a birth mother’s heart. For many years, they have given me a photo gift such as a mouse pad, a photo calendar, or framed photos. I adore them all!
As our daughter has gotten older and has blossomed into an incredibly talented artist, I have treasured the framed artwork she has made. There are also some excellent memoir books and journals for birth moms that help with healing. Practical but heartfelt gifts like keychains or mugs that you can create out of artwork or writing would be precious to receive. Even a gift as simple as an “All About Me” book, so that she can know the favorite foods, activities, and school subjects. It seems simple, but birth moms, even those in an open adoption, may not know basic facts like what their child likes and who they are. This sort of gift can help ease the pain of being apart from her birth child during the holidays.
5. Pray for Her
Ideally, we can love and support birth mothers through all the above, but sometimes we cannot because of distance or circumstance. However, we can always pray for birth mothers! God always sees her and knows her deepest aches and needs during Christmas and throughout the coming year. He can go before her and walk beside whatever she may be walking through right now.
A Prayer For Birth Moms
Lord, we know that this time of year can be difficult for many. We pray our hearts are in tune with yours to think of others who may be hurting during this time. Please help us to notice people around us and listen to your promptings to act. We pray that you will allow us to love and support birth mothers during Christmas. Whether through prayer, invitations, conversations, or a gift, show her she is seen and loved. Be with those we cannot reach right now, but that you can. Send them someone to love her as You love her, Lord. Please help her to know she is neither alone nor forgotten. In Jesus’ name, amen.