Opening Our Hearts and Home
As our children grew in independence, an amazing transformation took place in my husband’s heart. John decided he wanted to become a foster care provider. This was something I’d been praying about—and now felt a green light from God for us to jump into the wonderful world of foster care.
When we began the licensing process, we had no weddings, garden parties or visits from out-of-town guests on the calendar. However, six months later, when our license was finally approved, we found ourselves in the throws of wedding preparations for our daughter. Our social worker realized that we’d need to hold off on fostering until after the wedding. In the meantime, we could provide respite care for longer-term foster care families.
Key Takeaways
- A family opens their home to teens in foster care, discovering how simple routines, listening, and a calm environment can provide much‑needed rest and stability.
- Unexpected and emotional short‑term placements reveal both the challenges teens face and the powerful impact of compassionate, temporary care.
- Community and extended family play a meaningful role, showing how support beyond foster parents enriches a teen’s sense of belonging.
Giving Teens in Foster Care a Space to Relax
Our introduction to respite care wasn’t quite what my husband and I expected. Our social worker told us about a 14-year-old boy who needed a break from his group home over the long Memorial Day weekend. We knew finding foster homes for teens in foster care was more challenging than finding homes for children in other age groups. But we had no idea it was difficult enough for the state to rent houses for teens to stay in.
We got to know this 14-year-old over burgers and fries—every teenage boy’s love language, we figured. He quickly relaxed and began to tell us what he wanted us to know about his family circumstances and how he found his way into the foster care system. We listened and silently prayed. We didn’t have the power to heal his broken heart, but we could make his time with us a stress-free time to recharge.
That weekend, he slept a lot. When he wasn’t sleeping or eating, we watched his favorite shows. He even chipped in with Saturday chores and was glad to help care for our pets. On Sunday, he wanted to attend church service with us. A year earlier, he had stayed with another family in our congregation and attended youth group while under their care. He was excited to see some old friends.
A Sad But Hopeful Goodbye
When the weekend came to an end, it was time to take our new 14-year-old friend back to the group home. We were all a bit subdued. I fought back tears, and in my heart, I secretly vowed to sign any adoption papers placed in front of me. But I knew that wasn’t the plan, at least not for now.
It was a long, silent 15-minute drive to the home, which turned out to be a cramped condominium. As we pulled up, a group of smiling teenage boys ran out the front door to welcome their friend home with high-fives and hugs. More than one of his housemates exclaimed, “We missed you!”
We were relieved to witness the camaraderie among the boys, and our fears about the loneliness of a group home were assuaged. We realized that although we couldn’t offer him a forever home, what we had offered was enough for the time being: a quiet and comfortable bedroom all his own, a remote control that didn’t have to be shared and a pantry full of food. Most importantly, we were available, had time to listen and didn’t feel like we had to have all the answers but could point him to the One who did.
A Late-Night Foster Care Placement Request
Our next request to provide care came shortly before midnight the same day we returned from the group home. As we were getting ready for bed, a social worker called to ask if we could take a 13-year-old girl who had, just hours before, been taken into state care. We gladly said yes, and my husband started the water to boil for macaroni and cheese—a comfort to most teenage hearts. When the social worker arrived with our new guest, we ushered both inside, and my husband and I took turns holding our new friend as she cried.
This placement was more of an emergency than a need for respite care. Still, she was a short-term placement. She stayed with us until kinship care could be established with her grandfather, and subsequently, when he had to leave town for work. Eventually, she was successfully reunited with her mom, which is the goal of foster care when it’s in the child’s best interest.
A Warm Welcome for our teens in foster care
On later visits with both of our respite placements, we invited members of our large, close-knit family to contribute in unique ways. I enlisted my brother, an avid outdoorsman, to serve as our fishing guide. My mom and dad, who live around the corner, had an old dog that our 13-year-old girl was especially fond of. Whenever she grew anxious, she asked to go to my parents’ home to brush their dog; it seemed to put her heart at rest.
My younger sister, with two teens of her own, chaperoned their trips to the neighborhood pool. Our youngest son, who was still living at home while he finished college, formed a special friendship with both of our respite placements, even outfitting them in graphic T-shirts he had outgrown. They each wore those too-big hand-me-downs almost exclusively and couldn’t wait for him to come home each day.
While it’s common knowledge that teens in foster care sometimes don’t interact with their moms and dads regularly, we don’t often consider the additional loss they experience from not being able to see brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, and grandmothers and grandfathers. Not only were the members of my family grateful to share in our respite care experience, but they also made unique and meaningful contributions to the lives of both teens we cared for.
Staying in Touch with Teens in Foster Care
Our time fostering teenagers turned out to be brief due to a cascade of unforeseen circumstances: more weddings, adult children returning home to wait for the beginning of new leases, family illnesses and unplanned home renovations. Altogether, we did still provide respite for two teenagers over a two-month period. Each stayed with us on two separate occasions. However, because they were teenagers, and because teenagers have phones, we were able to stay in touch with them even after they left our home.
Under normal circumstances, communication between former foster parents and teens in foster care is encouraged even when direct care is no longer needed. So we are blessed with random texts about new jobs and birthday greetings. The 13-year-old young lady we cared for, who is now 14, surprised us a few weeks ago with a visit and a hug.
Conclusion / Summary
Although brief, we consider the two months caring for these two precious teens during perhaps the worst times in their young lives to be one of the greatest privileges of our own lives. Our “yes” to fostering teens was a simple act of obedience to what we believed God was calling us to do. And we knew that wherever God was calling us, He had already gone before us and prepared the way. We still see fostering in one form or another in our future, but for now, we’ll hold on to the memories and cherish the random text messages and visits.
