If you’re parenting solo, most likely your happily ever after didn’t turn out as you had imagined
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“He’s gone.” Those were the words that launched my life as a single parent.
Returning from church, as I steered our fifteen-passenger van onto our long gravel lane, I could see our home was strangely dark.
Sitting forward, my daughter peered out the window and searched the empty driveway. “Where’s Dad’s car?”
On the bench seats in the back, the chatter of the other six children abruptly went quiet. Once inside the house, the children quickly discovered their father’s clothes were gone and his toothbrush was not in the bathroom cabinet. He had left.
Pam Farrel’s mother became a single mom when Pam’s two younger siblings were teens. Pam’s father struggled with alcohol and with each passing year, his anger and depression grew, leading to increased episodes of domestic violence and physical abuse until Pam’s mom took the children to safety.
Our stories are not unusual. Today, one in four homes is single-parent led and most solo parents are single moms. While some single mothers have been widowed because their husband took an early journey his heavenly home, some singles adopted, and some chose to parent without a partner, the majority of single parents began in a committed relationship and never anticipated, expected, or intended to raise children alone.
Questions run on an internal loop. Is my life ruined? Will my child be permanently damaged? Does my child need more love than I’m able to give? Can I provide all that my family needs?
Like all parents, the solo parent works hard and loves her child. She longs for someone to love her, be strong for her, and care for her as she cares for her children. And Someone does. God sees, loves, and shepherds the single mom and her family.
“I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God” Ephesians 3:17–19
“The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold ” Psalm 18:2
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb” Psalm 139:13
“The Lord tends his flock like a shepherd; He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; and he gently leads those that have young,” Isaiah 40:11
At the start of my single parent journey, I felt certain that I was a disappointment to God. What else could I have done to preserve the marriage relationship?
With the help of mentors and counselors, I realized that none of my outcomes are a surprise to God. God promises to work all things for good, and He equipped us with direction through Scripture, prayer, and the guidance of His Holy Spirit. Often, because circumstances appear on my life script that I would not put there, I interpret that to mean God doesn’t keep me safe and protected. Therefore, He doesn’t care and can’t be trusted.
However, even though these are events I would not have chosen, He knows where and how each of us fit into the timeless story of His forgiveness, grace, love, and redemption, extended to all of beloved and perplexing humanity.
My perspective is myopic, so when my observations about God do not line up with what he says about Himself in Scripture, I can be confident that I am short-sighted.
Can I be willing to go where he takes me?
My own choices reflect some good decisions and plenty of proof that I desperately need a Savior. Daily He provides life-giving forgiveness for my abundant shortcomings, mercy to cover my self-centeredness, and grace to navigate my life.
When a situation or person is troublesome, I’ve learned to go mining for a positive gem. Instead of falling into a victim mentality and adding to my list of bad things that happen, I ask, “Lord, what are you teaching me about you in this?” In a journal I list answered prayer and the characteristics of God–which are all good–to refer to when I wonder if God really sees me.
God extends a completely selfless and one-sided relationship to me through Jesus Christ. Whether I respond or not, He
While being a single mom is my experience, it is not my identity. Single is the current relationship status and may or may not change in the future.
Mom to my child is who I will always be.
When much that is precious becomes marred, your tender heart longs to honor the holy and sacred.
You are here for such a time as this to
To help the solo parent family succeed, authors Pam Farrel and PeggySue Wells assembled the a collection of proven helps and practical tips in their book, The Ten Best Decisions A Single Mom Can Make. Parts of this article are excerpts from The Ten Best Decisions A Single Mom Can Make, Baker Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, 2020, used by permission, http://www.bakerpublishinggroup.com.
Solo mom of seven, PeggySue Wells is the founder of SingleMomCircle.com. She is a USA Today and Wall Street Journal bestselling author of 33 books including The Ten Best Decisions A Single Mom Can Make, Chasing Sunrise, and The Patent. More from PeggySue at PeggySueWells.com.
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