Unfortunately, summer camp environments do not guarantee your children’s complete safety. We want to come alongside your family as you prepare to send your children to summer camp so they can be safe and enjoy their time away.
Estimated reading time: 11 minutes
Gut-wrenching emotions swirl when reading the stories and accounts of sexual assault situations at summer camp.
Unfortunately, a summer camp environment does not guarantee a child’s complete safety. Camp sexual assault cases exist. As you prepare to send your children to summer camp, some difficult conversations can and should be part of that preparation.
Our goal is not to scare you or draw an inaccurate portrayal of summer camp for everyone. Most summer camps contain healthy boundaries and sexual abuse training for their staff. Camp can be a life-enriching experience and God can protect children from the unthinkable.
Yet, we know that there are victims of sexual abuse. Specifically, victims of sexual assault that occurred at camp. If you or your child is a victim of sexual abuse, know that we support you. Our heart breaks for the pain in your life.
We want to empower you to proactively educate your kids before they arrive at summer camp.
Summer camp can be both an exciting and anxious time. Your kids might experience a wave of emotions before they head off to camp. Your ability to maintain excitement for camp will be critical to your child’s summer camp experience. However, it’s also necessary to discuss important safety topics with your kids so that they feel protected and secure.
Whether it’s a day camp or overnight summer camp, there’s the potential for sexual abuse. Sadly, camp environments generate a number of factors that lead to opportunities for sexual assault.
During summer camp, kids experience a mixture of alone time with other campers and alone time with adults. The reality of summer camp is that there are not very many adults present at all times. Combine unusual access with alone time and summer camp can quickly create vulnerable moments for kids.
If a summer camp fails to adequately conduct thorough background checks, then the chance of adults with nefarious intentions working at camp is higher.
It’s a heartbreaking reality that sexual abuse occurs, and summer camps are not immune to this sin. However, you have the opportunity to prepare and protect your kids before they arrive at camp.
Justin and Lindsey Holcomb. provide these tips and strategies for sexual abuse prevention.
There are a few critical conversations that you can have with your children before they head off to day camp, an overnight camp, or summer camp.
Throughout your interactions with your children, you want to communicate the seriousness of these situations without unnecessarily scaring them. When discussing topics like sexual abuse, remember to use age-appropriate language.
Use phrases like:
Educating your child about appropriate and inappropriate touch might be the best thing you can do to set your child up for success in a summer camp environment. If you haven’t already, discuss what are appropriate ways for your child to be touched. Then, discuss what inappropriate situations might look like.
If it’s been a while since one of these conversations, re-engage about topics like body safety, the anatomically correct terms for body parts, and appropriate conversations about your child’s body.
Ask them key questions about appropriate touch too. Such as, “Who is allowed to touch you beyond a high five or fist bump?” “What would you do if someone touched you in an inappropriate area?”
Again, consider your child’s age and level of understanding. Use age-appropriate terminology and examples. The goal isn’t to scare or frighten them. Instead, try to educate and maintain excitement about camp without causing too much fear.
Depending on the age of your kids, you might consider discussing the policies for the summer camp with them. That way you can effectively communicate the camp’s standards.
This conversation can pair well with talking about appropriate and inappropriate touch. If your children see that your family values align with the camp’s values, then there’s a greater chance they arrive at camp with a clear understanding of what is allowed and what isn’t.
Another strategy you can use with your kids involves discussing what-if scenarios. But, what-if conversations can be helpful in allowing your child to process what he or she might do in difficult situations.
Talk through some of the situations that would not be okay to be alone with an adult. You can tie this conversation back to the previous talks about appropriate and inappropriate touch.
Brainstorm safe people that your child can talk with if they think something strange is going on. Most camps have a camp nurse or camp director. These individuals could be trustworthy adults that are in a good position to help your kids.
Make sure you talk through how your children can contact you if something serious occurs. Always listen to your children. Use your parental wisdom and discernment to help them make the best decisions for their safety.
Finding a trustworthy babysitter, the right person to watch your kids, requires research, asking around, and ultimately trusting someone to watch the most precious people in your life.
Your approach to summer camp should be the same.
As best as you’re able, commit to researching the camp where you’d like to send your kids. Ask around your community to see if people have heard about that camp’s reputation.
Whether you call or visit, you can effectively screen a summer camp to protect your kids. During this process, be respectful, firm, and direct with your inquiries. Ask about their policies and standards.
Focus on the Family advocates for a common acronym within settings involving suspected and confirmed sexual abuse. If a child discloses situations involving sexual abuse, use the acronym BAT.
Trust what the child has told you. Many people are still reluctant to believe a child when they reveal abuse. One reason is that the behavior of some children who are abused, which is a trauma that affects them emotionally and physically, can give adults the impression that their word can’t be trusted.
Clearly express your concern for your child. They need to know that you care and will be there for them. But never promise that you will be able to get them out of the situation. The only promises you can give is that you will be their support and will tell someone who can provide help.
Report the abuse to the appropriate authority. Reporting suspected child abuse will never come easy, and it should not. It is a serious and heartbreaking affair to be the one that has to bring attention to a horrible situation. In the long run, it is for the safety of the child. Your heart will be relieved to know that you did what you could to prevent child abuse.
Teaching appropriate touch to children equips them with discernment. According to Daniel Weiss, founder of The Brushfires Foundation, parents can instill in their children a sense of sexual wholeness. Understanding what is and what is not appropriate touch is knowledge children can use daily to respect the whole person in themselves and in others.
Recently, Weiss described, I wanted to see if my children were strong enough to push me over. I stood unmoving as my three oldest daughters, ages 8, 7, and 6, crashed into me without success. Then my 5-year-old barreled forward with hands outstretched and slammed into me right below the waist. She won. I fell over.
What amazed me was how her older sisters cried foul. “You don’t touch people there,” they protested. Although what happened wasn’t a big deal, it was rewarding to know that (most of) my children understood that there are certain parts of the body that are off-limits to others.
Parents are rightly concerned about teaching their children appropriate body boundaries. As society has become highly sexualized and pornographic in recent decades, children at younger ages are being exposed to false messages about the significance of the body and how to interact appropriately with others. It may feel imposing to talk about inappropriate touch. That’s okay. But parents don’t have to approach the topic with dread and urgent fear. We all want to prepare our children for life’s dangers. However we don’t need to scare them or introduce shame about their bodies.
In my home, we emphasize the good, true and beautiful, but also talk age-appropriately about the deviations we see all around us, whether they appear on TV or on the playground at school. My wife and I approach the task of teaching our children about appropriate and inappropriate touch in several ways:
In the same way a math or english teacher encourages children to reach their highest potential, we teach the best to our children about their bodies. In my home, we affirm each child as a gift from God. Beyond that we talk about how to make our entire lives a gift back to Him and to others. Our bodies are not less important than our spirits. In fact, they are an essential part of the way God made us. How we treat our bodies matters to God and can have a significant impact on our well-being throughout life.
Talking about these topics with openness and honesty will help your children feel safe and comfortable. Especially when they want to tell you things that may feel embarrassing or uncomfortable. Living in a fallen world means that we all fail to fully live out God’s design for our lives. While careful to shield our children from unnecessary exposure to harmful things, we also want them to understand that brokenness is a reality in life.
It’s helpful for parents to understand that some inappropriate situations will happen naturally. Especially as children try to figure out how life works. For example, you might find two children examining their genitals together. Or you might watch a child force a kiss on another because “Mommy and Daddy do that.”
If we encounter a circumstance that is relatively innocent or benign, we remind our children about how God calls us to live. Then, we emphasize the ways we should show respect to each other. If something more abusive were to occur, however, it might be appropriate to involve a trained counselor or even law enforcement.
Words such as honor, respect, and modesty connect our teachings on appropriate touch to the larger idea of Christian stewardship. In a larger context, this includes the proper care and function of our bodies. Proper care means that we keep our bodies clean and healthy by bathing or visiting the doctor. We talk about the areas covered by a bathing suit as a simple example to explain which body boundaries aren’t to be crossed except for certain exceptions. For example, our children understand there are times when it’s necessary for a doctor or parent to check their genital area, such as during a medical exam.
We also explain how each body part has its specific purpose that serves the whole. And like the apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 12:22-24, we teach that there are areas of the body deserving of special respect and modesty. Modesty is not presented as a reflection of shame, but as a protection of God’s good gifts. The genital areas are for the elimination of waste and for pleasure and reproduction in marriage. If anything happens that doesn’t fit into these two categories, we can return to the consistent messages we’ve shared about the proper function or role of those parts. Again, a more harmful or abusive situation requires a serious response, potentially involving authorities.
The best preparation we can give our children is to demonstrate appropriate touch often by showering our children — and spouses — with kisses, hugs, back rubs, tickles, wrestling and other physical play. Good touch activities such as these remind our kids of how pleasurable and enjoyable it is to follow God’s plan. And how you and your spouse interact with the children is as important as anything you will ever say.
Remember that you know your children and family the best. As you decide how to best approach the summer camp experience, be proactive in your screening process of the camp and its staff. Finally, continue to put your kids first by supporting, respecting, and listening to them.
Justin Holcomb is a minister and a professor who teaches theology and apologetics at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary and Reformed Theological Seminary. He holds a Ph.D. in theology from Emory University and has authored, co-authored or edited more than 20 books. Justin has written several books with his wife, Lindsey, including two books for survivors of abuse (Rid of My Disgrace and Is It My Fault?) and three children’s books (God Made All of Me, God Made Babies, and God Made Me in His Image). God Made All of Me focuses on helping parents protect their children from sexual abuse, a subject Lindsey is especially well-acquainted with as a former case manager at a sexual assault crisis center and a domestic violence shelter. Justin and Lindsey helped co-found REST, an organization dedicated to rescuing and protecting women and girls from the sex trafficking trade. The Holcombs reside in Orlando and have two young children. Learn more about their book God Made All of Me at the website https://justinholcomb.com/books/.
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