Custom CSS of Section contains Conditional Preview for See Life Campaign Elements

Disciplining Adopted Children

Share:
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email
Young boy sitting on the floor crying
iStock/Thinkstock
Understanding the reasons for your child's behavior and responses is important, but the truth is that some adoptive parents may never know the full extent of their child's underlying problems for a number of reasons.

. . . do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
—Ephesians 6:4

Karen is almost finished preparing dinner. “Russell,” she calls out to her 8-year-old adopted son, “turn off the TV and put your toys away. It’s time to wash up and come to the table. It’s almost time to eat.” Russell does not move. Karen wonders if he hears her over the television. She calls out to him again, but this time her voice is slightly irritated. Russell squirms but does not move.

Karen’s frustration is mounting. She walks over to Russell and stands between him and the TV. “Russell, I’ve told you to get ready for dinner and you are not even starting to clean up. Look at me when I am talking to you.” Russell makes eye contact with his mother, then averts his gaze. Karen interprets Russell’s behavior as disrespectful and defiant. Russell has already begun to tune Karen out as she says something about going to his room “by the count of three.” When he remains frozen in his seat, Karen grabs him by the arm and pulls him down the hall to his room. She puts him on his bed and pulls the door closed behind her. As she walks down the hall she calls to Russell, “Stay there until I come back for you.”

Does this sound like a scene from your own home? You may identify with Karen, or you may believe that she was overreacting to Russell. This article series will help clarify some of the unique challenges of disciplining children who have been adopted, discipline methods that may or may not be effective, handling differences in discipline among siblings and the essential component of coming to agreement as parents.

Finding the right balance

Let me begin by saying that committing to personal prayer and having a support network of people praying for you and supporting you in tangible ways is key throughout parenting. Many people are tempted to isolate themselves when they run into difficulties in childrearing.This can be true in adoptive families due to a perceived lack of understanding, interest or desire to help. But instead of isolating yourself and your family during difficult times, run to God, through prayer and Bible reading, and run to your friends and family. Pursue professional help if needed. And know that along the way, you and your spouse will continue to learn and grow when it comes to nurture and discipline for your family. A lot of patience and grace will go a long way in maintaining important relationships throughout the journey.

The goal in balancing discipline and nurture is helping your child mature into an emotionally, spiritually and physically healthy individual. If you only focus on behavior change, you will not raise a healthy individual. You must initiate and develop a deep and abiding connection with your child. Keep in mind that children need to learn to assess situations and take action considering the likely outcome. To do this, a child needs to learn to respond immediately to parental imperatives, choose an option from those given by a parent and make mistakes that can be corrected in the safety of home and family.

Be encouraged

Consider the relationship God wants to have with us. As humans, we respond to His love for us by loving and wanting to please Him in return — not because we have to but because we choose to.

You must reach through your child’s hurt and see beyond those behaviors intended to distance you. Remember that the behaviors that frustrate you are very often intended to keep him safe (or to make him feel safe). Be patient and stay focused on the long-term goals of connection and relationship. As you do, you will be presenting a model of God’s patience and love for us. Sometimes your child will be able to articulate why he disobeyed or misbehaved and other times he may not know or cannot explain it to you. In either case, it is up to you to nurture the connection and help your child to grow in the right direction.

Understanding the reasons for your child’s behavior and responses is important, but the truth is that some adoptive parents may never know the full extent of their child’s underlying problems for a number of reasons (e.g., the child being too young at the time of any abuse to put the experience into words or the child having a sparse history due to adoption from overseas or multiple placements).

However, be encouraged that neither parents nor children need to understand or know everything that has happened in the child’s past or inside the child in the present in order for there to be healing and attachment.

Dynamic CTA Template Below

Your Teen Needs You Most of All

No parent of teens is perfect and even the best can learn how to better connect with their son or daughter. Get practical action steps to better connect with your teenager in 8 Essential Tips for Parenting Your Teen in this FREE video series!

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.
Emerson-Eggerich4-840w

Understand How to Respect and Love your Son Well

Why doesn’t my son listen to me? Have you ever asked that question? The truth is, how you see your son and talk to him has a significant effect on how he thinks and acts. That’s why we want to help you. In fact, we’ve created a free five-part video series called “Recognizing Your Son’s Need for Respect” that will help you understand how showing respect, rather than shaming and badgering, will serve to motivate and guide your son.

Reconnected: The Digital Experience

Is the love there, but not the spark? Reawaken fun in your marriage and move from roommates to soulmates again with the help of this 7-part online video experience. Learn how to connect emotionally and spiritually as husband and wife using techniques such as dreaming together and establishing deep, heartfelt communication. The Digital Experience includes 7 teaching videos, an online study guide and access to additional tools and resources to help spouses reconnect.

Next Steps: Marriage Assessment

We want your marriage to be thriving and healthy. Take the free Marriage Assessment from Focus on the Family to learn how to strengthen your bond with your spouse and get the tools to help you need to grow closer together. 

Next Steps: Fruit of the Spirit Devotionals for Couples

The Fruit of the Spirit Devotional is a free series of nine short videos to get you into God’s Word and inspire you to seek the Holy Spirit’s help in loving your spouse.

Share:
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

Read More About:

You May Also Like

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 5: It’s Going to be Amazing!

After a couple has chosen life, hear the heartwarming stories of children that culture would have cast aside, yet are making tremendous impacts in their communities. Whether the diagnosis was adverse or the circumstances were difficult, these stories will inspire you to come along side of families who have chosen life!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 4: Sometimes the Choice is Hard

Hear real life stories of parents who have made the decision to choose life even though the circumstances were overwhelming. You’ll see why “ALL” life is precious to God and why choosing life is always the right decision!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 6: Families Helping Families!

So, after all you’ve seen through the SeeLife ‘21 Episodic journey; what can you do now? We’ll share how you can partner with some amazing organizations that are making significant impacts in the pro-life movement! You want to Celebrate Life!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 3: The Power of a Picture

Have you ever wondered what a baby looked like in the womb? With today’s technology, Moms and Dads can see the baby’s heartbeat, facial expressions, and movements! You’ll find out why more women choose life once they hear their baby’s heartbeat and realize it’s a real living human!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 2: Heroes Providing Hope

Discover the amazing work our PRC’s Directors, Nurses, and Volunteers are making in their communities! You’ll see firsthand testimonies of a PRC in action, and that there are other options outside of abortions! You’ll also discover how your family can support your local PRC!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 1: The Truth About Life!

In this episode, we will tackle tough questions like, “When does life begin?” and “What does the Bible
say about Life?” You’ll discover and understand the stages of pre-born life and that babies are more than
just a clump of cells!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!