February 3, 2026
Understanding teen anger starts with curiosity, calm communication, and compassion. There are practical ways to support and guide your teen through big emotions.
Estimated reading time: 14 minutes
Behaviors and emotions have origins. Enter what may be behind your child’s anger with curiosity rather than defensiveness. Ask questions so you can get to know the thoughts that are influencing and being influenced by emotions in your teen. It will take a lot of self-control on your part and tough emotional skin as you explore their beliefs and perceptions that are leading to the angry thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
To communicate your desire to connect, you can use questions or phrases like . . .
Remember, your teen’s anger is not personal. Take a close look at how you handle anger. It’s a great place to start since that is what you can ultimately control in order to influence well. Do your interactions with your teen frequently end with an angry outburst from you? If you consistently demonstrate anger in correcting your teen, they’re more likely to respond with their own angry outburst. Reacting with anger won’t win your child’s respect or encourage their good behavior.
Focus on responding to your teen’s claims and accusations calmly and firmly. Yes, your teen knows how to push your buttons. It’s hard to respond graciously when they lash out at you. But your own behavior is a valuable tool in training your teen.
Commit to leading by example and avoid unproductive expressions of anger — yelling, screaming, verbal attacks, and physical rages. Avoid getting pulled into out-of-control fights and escalating arguments. Don’t invalidate your teen by downplaying their feelings or degrading them as a person. Remember, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1, ESV).
It may be helpful to ask your spouse to give you an honest assessment of your behavior towards your teen. Or find a time for you to talk with your teen one-on-one, and ask them how you may have hurt or irritated them. Remember that it’s your job to listen and ask questions, not to defend yourself. This takes humility and patience, but it can help reveal things that you can’t see on your own. Use Focus on the Family’s Parenting Check-in to add some structure and questions to help guide your request for feedback. You’ll find it among our other free Parenting Tools.
Paul warned the Ephesians not to “provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Sadly, we often provoke our children to sin without realizing it. Take the time to do a heart check on your own attitudes and behaviors as a parent. Do you try to control or manipulate your teen? Have you done something to make them believe they are unwanted or unloved? Have you acted unfairly towards them? Do you hold unrealistic expectations for their behavior or achievements? Do you truly listen to them?
Brain scans and recent research affirm that, at around puberty, our teen’s brain is much more responsive to voices outside the home. In other words, they will be more likely to listen to advice from someone other than you, even if it’s the same exact advice. The possibly confusing thing for you would be that they were much more responsive and attuned to your voice and what you had to say when they were younger. This is an expected change in your child’s brain development. It doesn’t mean you don’t have influence. It requires having a relationship with you.
Applying Focus on the Family’s 7 Traits of Effective Parenting can help you deal with your teen’s anger in a healthy way.
There are various reasons why a teen may end up feeling angry or showing angry behaviors. It could be that they feel rejected, frustrated, lonely, tired, overwhelmed, scared, anxious, threatened, shame, or just plain “off” and it leads them to the strong emotion of “anger”. It could also be that they are hiding something they’ve done or are doing. It could also be that they’re using drugs or viewing pornography. Both can lead to angry emotions and behaviors. The fact is that it’s going to take some observation, questions, listening, and wisdom to sift through angry emotions and behaviors to get to the “why?” behind their anger.
Biological changes and realities such as changes in hormones and ongoing brain development can leave a teen with overwhelming feelings and a limited capacity or tools to manage their emotions and their interpretations of their environment. In other words, their brain has some maturing to do. The emotional center of their brain is fully firing, while the areas in charge of regulating and managing what the emotional center of their brain are still very much under construction.
The good news is that you can help your teenager learn to manage his or her anger.
Hormonal changes.
The answer to this question varies widely from person to person. However, anger in teens is usually caused in part by the hormonal changes they are experiencing. Issues that weren’t a big deal a couple of years ago suddenly trigger intense emotional reactions. Additionally, their prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain that controls logical decision making—hasn’t fully developed yet. This means teens are more likely to react emotionally than respond rationally to things that frustrate, annoy, scare, or make them feel insecure or lonely.
Desire for independence.
Another common anger trigger in teens is their growing desire for independence and freedom. This is an important step on the way to becoming an adult. Your child is beginning to find his or her own place in the world as an independent person. At the same time, he or she is still living in your house, under your rules and boundaries. Teens often feel a lot of frustration at their perceived lack of freedom and independence. Their brain will negatively react to a controlling tone of voice from their mom or dad. They long to feel understood as they discover new things. Many teens feel their parents are stuck in old ways of thinking, old news, and a lack of understanding.
Additional triggers.
A few other things that can trigger anger in an adolescent include family conflict, a perfectionistic personality, depression, the winter blues, a poor diet, too many demands, pride, or insecurities.
Anger is a secondary emotion that comes from a mixture of other feelings. Keep in mind that anger is a sign of a deeper concern. Anxiety, sadness, hurt, disappointment, addictions, pornography use, and frustration can all contribute to an angry reaction. Take time to explore what may be the deeper issue behind the angry behaviors, emotions, and thoughts. This will take your curiosity and patience.
Anger, irritability, and other forms of emotional dysregulation can be symptoms of ADHD. They are more common in people with severe ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) symptoms. Also, if a child has been diagnosed with ADHD and is constantly being corrected and redirected, they may feel they can’t do anything right and can’t please anyone. This ends up creating a more oppositional or shut down angry reaction from a teen with ADHD. So, ADHD itself is not a cause of anger but a teen with ADHD may experience angry feelings. These feelings may come from feeling misunderstood, misinterpreted, and/or feeling a sense of inadequacy.
If your teen hasn’t displayed other behaviors that fit with ADHD, their anger is probably not a symptom. However, if you have observed other potential signs of ADHD, it may be wise to have your child assessed.
Focus on teaching your teen to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy expressions of anger. Your teen needs to understand that his anger isn’t good or bad in itself. Instead, it’s what he chooses to do with that emotion. There are plenty of negative ways to express anger, but there are also positive ways.
Try to figure out how your teen prefers to deal with emotions. Does he tend to bottle his feelings up or let them out in a huge emotional display? Some helpful coping skills for teens include:
Just as with adults, teens display anger differently. Here are a couple common styles that parents may observe:
“The stuffer.”
If your child is a “stuffer,” encourage him to find an outlet for his feelings. Maybe he’ll pray about them, journal about them, or bring them to you to talk things through. This will help him confront his feelings and figure out how to deal with them in a healthy way.
“The timebomb.”
If he tends to explode in anger, encourage him to take a timeout when he feels anger rising. Maybe he’ll spend a few minutes in his room or find a physical activity like going for a walk. This gives him time to decompress and release some energy.
Teaching your teen to separate their feelings is a helpful anger management strategy. As we said earlier, anger is a secondary emotion, so it’s usually the result of several different feelings. Anger is nearly always the result of hurt (physical pain, disappointment, or sadness) and anxiety (fear, worry, embarrassment, or nervousness).
If you try to correct the behavior without addressing the heart issues underneath, you won’t really help your teen. Anger, like other emotions, is an indicator that something’s going on—kind of like the indicator lights on your car. Correcting angry behavior without finding the root causes would be like ignoring your car’s engine light instead of taking it to a mechanic.
Sometimes the hurt that is causing your teen’s anger is recent. Maybe she was rejected by a friend, received a poor grade on an assignment, or missed a favorite activity. However, hurt often lies deep beneath the surface, and you may have to dig to find it. It might be caused by harsh words you spoke to her last month or a painful loss from years ago. Focus on finding the hurt and doing what you can to help heal it.
Anxiety can be hard to identify and assess. To help your teen figure out what is causing her anxiety, look for the “what ifs” in her thinking. What if my friends stop liking me? What if I can’t handle my workload? What if I disappoint my parents? Anxiety is caused by uncertainty and doubt. Teens often struggle with self-doubt and low self-esteem, both of which contribute to anxiety.
To help your teen overcome her hurt and anxiety, address the lies that are planted in her heart. Remind her of the truths of God’s Word. If you realize you’ve contributed in some way, apologize and ask forgiveness. Make sure she understands your unconditional love for her and your commitment to helping her grow and mature. Let her know that you are proud of her and are always there for her. Avoid talking down to her; if you treat her like an immature child, don’t be surprised when she acts like one.
Maybe you’ve tried to find the root issues and help your teen manage their anger, but they refuse to cooperate. If your teen is still frequently displaying aggressive anger and disrespect, it may be time for some tough love. Remind them firmly that disrespect and inappropriate expressions of anger are not allowed. Establish clear consequences for future infractions, and enforce those consequences consistently. It may be painful, but you are acting in your child’s best interests by refusing to let them continue in destructive patterns of behavior.
If you’re struggling and need someone to talk to, we’d love to help. Call us at 1-855-771-HELP (4357) from 6 a.m. to 8 p.m. (Mountain time) to speak with one of our licensed or pastoral counseling specialists. If you need more specialized help for your teen, we can also provide referrals to trained counselors in your area.
Vice President, Parenting and Youth
Dr. Huerta oversees Focus’ initiatives that equip mothers and fathers with biblical and research based principles and guidance for raising healthy, resilient children rooted in a thriving faith in Christ.
Dr. Huerta is a bilingual psychologist, licensed clinical social worker, author of 7 Traits of Effective Parenting, and co-author of Focus on the Family’s Age and Stage resource, and various other resources. He is also the co-host and expert on the Focus on Parenting and the Practice Makes Parent podcasts.
For many years, he has provided families with practical, biblically-based, and research-based parenting advice on key parenting topics. He has been interviewed by various media outlets including Fox News, Fatherly, Christianity Today, WORLD Magazine, The Christian Post and CBN, and regularly speaks on Christian radio stations and podcasts across the United States. He’s also written for various publications and is a regular speaker at retreats, conventions, family camps, online events worldwide, and on various social media channels.
Dr. Huerta has maintained a private practice serving families in Colorado Springs since 2003 and has also served families as an employee of Focus on the Family since 2004.
He and his wife, Heather, love the outdoors, have been married since 1997, and love spending time with their two adult children.
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