March 9, 2018
Do you allow your children to enjoy the same rights to privacy that you have as a parent and as an adult?
“Should I really be reading my daughter’s posts? I hated it when my mother pried into my private
life.”
Many parents have expressed some variant of that sentiment — wondering if it’s appropriate to keep such close tabs on their kids’ personal lives. Whether it’s monitoring a daughter’s social media accounts or checking to see if there’s anything problematic hidden in a son’s bedroom, parents wrestle with the balance between wise, intentional parenting and respecting their child’s blossoming independence.
Parents, of course, expect some privacy for themselves when they view websites or send a picture to a friend. They may wonder, Don’t my kids have this same right to privacy?
This question starts with recognizing the responsibility of parents. God has entrusted us with the care of our children, with the goal to teach them how to make good decisions in a world filled with so many opportunities for poor ones. For many years, that’s a hands-on task, but as kids mature, parents transition to the role of mentors, guiding and advising teens through situations that require good judgment.
When our kids learn to drive, we’re there beside them, helping them use the power wisely. When teens leave the house for a night, we’re still acting as a guide, talking about where they are going, who they’ll be with and how long they’ll be gone. As they show themselves to be trustworthy with privileges, we slowly give them more trust and privacy.
So, yes, wise parents should absolutely remain involved in their teens’ decision-making. This
includes a keen interest in their lives at school and on the field, the people they hang out with,
how they spend their money. This also includes monitoring areas of life many kids think are
off-limits, such as their communication over laptops and smartphones.
Technology today offers a level of privacy that can quickly get our kids into a lot of trouble. Wise, intentional parents walk with their kids in these areas so they can someday move on toward a healthy, independent use of technology.
As in other areas of parenting, this mentorship should include open, ongoing conversations. There may be disagreements, but through honest and respectful dialogue, we can help kids recognize that our involvement in their lives is done out of love and a concern for their well-being.
That’s not a violation of rights. It’s wise parenting.
Vice President, Parenting and Youth
Dr. Huerta oversees Focus’ initiatives that equip mothers and fathers with biblical and research based principles and guidance for raising healthy, resilient children rooted in a thriving faith in Christ.
Dr. Huerta is a bilingual psychologist, licensed clinical social worker, author of 7 Traits of Effective Parenting, and co-author of Focus on the Family’s Age and Stage resource, and various other resources. He is also the co-host and expert on the Focus on Parenting and the Practice Makes Parent podcasts.
For many years, he has provided families with practical, biblically-based, and research-based parenting advice on key parenting topics. He has been interviewed by various media outlets including Fox News, Fatherly, Christianity Today, WORLD Magazine, The Christian Post and CBN, and regularly speaks on Christian radio stations and podcasts across the United States. He’s also written for various publications and is a regular speaker at retreats, conventions, family camps, online events worldwide, and on various social media channels.
Dr. Huerta has maintained a private practice serving families in Colorado Springs since 2003 and has also served families as an employee of Focus on the Family since 2004.
He and his wife, Heather, love the outdoors, have been married since 1997, and love spending time with their two adult children.
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