Naomi set the pot of macaroni and cheese — her kids’ favorite, that they had been begging for all week — on the edge of the counter. She bumped the handle with her elbow, and the gooey pasta went flying. She shooed the cocker spaniel away from the spilled dinner and turned back to the mess that was strewn across the tile floor. Naomi burst into tears. She knew self-care for moms was essential, but she had put it on the back burner to take care of her family. Now she was stressed and needed a serious self-care assessment to get back on track.
Why Moms Need Self-Care: You’re Essential!
There is no question that moms are crucial in the growth and development of children. Researchers have discovered that a mom’s gentle, warm, and supportive guidance results in her children being less aggressive, more self-controlled, and more likely to do well academically.
Other studies have shown that moms can help kids have fewer emotional and behavioral issues by having ongoing discussions with their children about emotions and identifying and managing them well. For a free parenting tool on helping kids manage emotions, visit www.focusonthefamily.com/emotions.
There is a unique love, direction, and sensitivity that only a mom can bring to her home. You are essential personnel in your home! Self-care might seem like a luxury you don’t have time for, and taking a self-assessment may seem even more of a stretch, but it’s essential and will greatly benefit your family.
Take the Assessment
Take a moment to do a short self-care assessment. The questions listed in the five areas below will help you to gain an honest understanding of where you are currently, and in what areas you can improve how you care for yourself as a mom.
1. What Takes Life Out of You?
What has drained you in the past?
Which things continue to drain the life out of you?
Reflect honestly about what has previously, and continues to, suck the life out of you. You may want to meet with a counselor to discuss current or past issues that may skew your self-perception as a mom or may be keeping you from being fully present in your home.
Remember, don’t spend time comparing yourself to other moms. You don’t see the full picture or their struggles, only what they choose to show the world. Besides, you are the one God has chosen for your family. You and your family are unique! As Psalm 139 states, you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Are you providing laughter, smiles, and playfulness?
Is that playful side balanced well with guidance, correction, and direction?
List some ways that you can give life to those in your family.
You have the potential to bring a lot of life into your home! A balance of playfulness and guidance can help your family blossom. Moms can make a house feel like a home, dinner feel like an experience, and routine chores feel like an adventure.
4. What Gets in the Way of You Being the Best Mom You Can Be for Your Kids?
On a scale of 1 to 10, how busy are you? How tired? Stressed?
What things should you say “yes” to?
What things do you need to say “no” to?
Why do you say “yes” and “no” to certain things?
What boundaries can you put in place to help create a balance?
Moms can get very busy, tired, and stressed. Take some time to consider what things you say “yes” and “no” to and why. Are you paying attention to what is urgent but missing what is important? People pleasers may be afraid to disappoint others or think that they will fail to live up to expectations but end up neglecting their own home. Set boundaries for yourself as well as your children.
5. Take Time To Be Grateful and Enjoy Your Amazing Role as a Mom.
Your kids love you, and they are quite forgiving. They don’t need a perfect mom. They need a mom who loves her role and is fully engaged in her home. May you be reminded today that you can bring an amazing amount of life to your home by being exactly who God created you to be.
This self-care assessment can show you some areas where you may be struggling, where you can improve, and where you are on the right track. If you find areas that may need improvement, be sure to work on those. If you need to, get help from a counselor. Remember, you are an essential part of your family. Water can’t flow from an empty pitcher, so it is critical that you are investing in self-care for moms.
Dr. Daniel Huerta is Vice President of Parenting and Youth for Focus on the Family, overseeing the ministry’s initiatives that equip moms and dads with biblical principles and counsel for raising healthy, resilient children rooted in a thriving faith.
He is a psychologist, a licensed clinical social worker, and the author of 7 Traits of Effective Parenting. For many years, he has provided families with practical, biblically-based and research-based parenting advice on topics including media discernment, discipline, communication, mental health issues, conflict resolution, and healthy sexuality in the home. He is passionate about coming alongside parents as they raise contributors, instead of consumers, in a culture desperately in need of God’s kingdom.
Dr. Huerta has been interviewed by various media outlets including Fox News, Fatherly, Christianity Today, WORLD Magazine, and CBN, and he is a frequent guest on Christian radio stations across the nation. He’s also written for publications, including The Washington Post, on various topics related to marriage and parenting. He participated in the development of Focus on the Family’s Launch Into the Teen Years, a resource to help parents prepare their kids for adolescence, and he speaks regularly at retreats, conventions, and online events.
Dr. Huerta has maintained a private practice in Colorado Springs, Colorado since 2003 and has served families through Focus on the Family since 2004. He and his wife, Heather, have been married since 1997 and love being parents to their three teen children, Alex, Lexi, and Maci.
Raising children to follow Christ requires your faith and trust in the Lord’s plan. Keep reading to learn how to promote your children’s spiritual growth.
