Here are 5 ways to help you create an environment of healthy dialogue with your kids.
Most parents want their children to succeed — in school, in work, in their various extracurricular activities. And there’s an overwhelming number of tips and products available to help parents toward that goal. But we often overlook one of the most effective tools for enhancing childhood brain development. It’s simple, inexpensive, and even enjoyable. And you have this tool at your disposal right now. That tool is conversation.
We’ve long known that speaking to your children is good for them developmentally. The more words a child hears, the better his or her brain development and language skills will be, which contributes to success in many areas of life. But there’s more to this story: Recent research from Harvard, MIT, and the University of Pennsylvania shows that a child’s brain develops best through regular, back-and-forth exchanges of ideas. In the study, children who engaged in regular conversations with parents showed significant enhancement in the language processing areas of their brains.
Our culture of endless distractions and demands can make regular, two-way conversations difficult. But your kids’ healthy development may very well depend on your ability to minimize such distractions, switch off the screens, and connect with your children.
Here are five ways to help you nurture an environment of conversation with your kids:
Be intentional by scheduling one-on-one time, especially if you have multiple kids. But remember that many of the best conversations happen in the margins of life. Use every opportunity to chat: in the car, at the dinner table, at bedtime. Walks, bike rides, and standing in line at the store are all good times for conversations.
Learn about your children’s interests and help them learn more about you. Give the “quiet” kids opportunities to be known. Sometimes they become more talkative when they feel someone is truly interested in what they have to say. Encourage them to talk about things they like or things that relate to what they’re learning in school.
This takes effort and intentionality. I’m not always the best at listening, so when my thoughts begin to wander, I need to visualize myself pressing a mental pause button in order to enter their world.
While too many questions can feel like an interrogation, authentic interaction when asking those questions conveys genuine interest, as do eye contact and other nonverbal cues.
Children feel valued when you remember things they’ve said, and they’ll start to see conversations with you as memorable and enjoyable. And that’s a gift with lasting impact.
Employing these five strategies to having conversations with your kids will significantly help in their brain development and shows intentionality as a parent. Intentionality is one of the 7 Traits of Effective Parenting. How much of an intentional parent are you? Take the FREE parenting assessment to find out.
Vice President, Parenting and Youth
Dr. Huerta oversees Focus’ initiatives that equip mothers and fathers with biblical and research based principles and guidance for raising healthy, resilient children rooted in a thriving faith in Christ.
Dr. Huerta is a bilingual psychologist, licensed clinical social worker, author of 7 Traits of Effective Parenting, and co-author of Focus on the Family’s Age and Stage resource, and various other resources. He is also the co-host and expert on the Focus on Parenting and the Practice Makes Parent podcasts.
For many years, he has provided families with practical, biblically-based, and research-based parenting advice on key parenting topics. He has been interviewed by various media outlets including Fox News, Fatherly, Christianity Today, WORLD Magazine, The Christian Post and CBN, and regularly speaks on Christian radio stations and podcasts across the United States. He’s also written for various publications and is a regular speaker at retreats, conventions, family camps, online events worldwide, and on various social media channels.
Dr. Huerta has maintained a private practice serving families in Colorado Springs since 2003 and has also served families as an employee of Focus on the Family since 2004.
He and his wife, Heather, love the outdoors, have been married since 1997, and love spending time with their two adult children.
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