How Much Privacy Should You Give Your Kids?

By Danny Huerta, MSW, LCSW, LSSW
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Do you allow your children to enjoy the same rights to privacy that you have as a parent and as an adult?

“Should I really be reading my daughter’s posts? I hated it when my mother pried into my private

Many parents have expressed some variant of that sentiment — wondering if it’s appropriate to keep
such close tabs on their kids’ personal lives. Whether it’s monitoring a daughter’s social media
accounts or checking to see if there’s anything problematic hidden in a son’s bedroom, parents
wrestle with the balance between wise, intentional parenting and respecting their child’s blossoming

Parents, of course, expect some privacy for themselves when they view websites or send a picture to
a friend. They may wonder, Don’t my kids have this same right to privacy?

Parental guidance

This question starts with recognizing the responsibility of parents. God has entrusted us with the
care of our children, with the goal to teach them how to make good decisions in a world filled with
so many opportunities for poor ones. For many years, that’s a hands-on task, but as kids mature,
parents transition to the role of mentors, guiding and advising teens through situations that
require good judgment.

When our kids learn to drive, we’re there beside them, helping them use the power wisely. When teens
leave the house for a night, we’re still acting as a guide, talking about where they are going, who
they’ll be with and how long they’ll be gone. As they show themselves to be trustworthy with
privileges, we slowly give them more trust and privacy.

So, yes, wise parents should absolutely remain involved in their teens’ decision-making. This
includes a keen interest in their lives at school and on the field, the people they hang out with,
how they spend their money. This also includes monitoring areas of life many kids think are
off-limits, such as their communication over laptops and smartphones.


Technology today offers a level of privacy that can quickly get our kids into a lot of trouble.
Wise, intentional parents walk with their kids in these areas so they can someday move on toward a
healthy, independent use of technology.

As in other areas of parenting, this mentorship should include open, ongoing conversations. There
may be disagreements, but through honest and respectful dialogue, we can help kids recognize that
our involvement in their lives is done out of love and a concern for their well-being.

That’s not a violation of rights. It’s wise parenting.

© 2018 Focus on the Family.


Understand How to Respect and Love your Son Well

Why doesn’t my son listen to me? Have you ever asked that question? The truth is, how you see your son and talk to him has a significant effect on how he thinks and acts. That’s why we want to help you. In fact, we’ve created a free five-part video series called “Recognizing Your Son’s Need for Respect” that will help you understand how showing respect, rather than shaming and badgering, will serve to motivate and guide your son.
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