Do you allow your children to enjoy the same rights to privacy that you have as a parent and as an adult?
“Should I really be reading my daughter’s posts? I hated it when my mother pried into my private
life.”
Many parents have expressed some variant of that sentiment — wondering if it’s appropriate to keep such close tabs on their kids’ personal lives. Whether it’s monitoring a daughter’s social media accounts or checking to see if there’s anything problematic hidden in a son’s bedroom, parents wrestle with the balance between wise, intentional parenting and respecting their child’s blossoming independence.
Parents, of course, expect some privacy for themselves when they view websites or send a picture to a friend. They may wonder, Don’t my kids have this same right to privacy?
This question starts with recognizing the responsibility of parents. God has entrusted us with the care of our children, with the goal to teach them how to make good decisions in a world filled with so many opportunities for poor ones. For many years, that’s a hands-on task, but as kids mature, parents transition to the role of mentors, guiding and advising teens through situations that require good judgment.
When our kids learn to drive, we’re there beside them, helping them use the power wisely. When teens leave the house for a night, we’re still acting as a guide, talking about where they are going, who they’ll be with and how long they’ll be gone. As they show themselves to be trustworthy with privileges, we slowly give them more trust and privacy.
So, yes, wise parents should absolutely remain involved in their teens’ decision-making. This
includes a keen interest in their lives at school and on the field, the people they hang out with,
how they spend their money. This also includes monitoring areas of life many kids think are
off-limits, such as their communication over laptops and smartphones.
Technology today offers a level of privacy that can quickly get our kids into a lot of trouble. Wise, intentional parents walk with their kids in these areas so they can someday move on toward a healthy, independent use of technology.
As in other areas of parenting, this mentorship should include open, ongoing conversations. There may be disagreements, but through honest and respectful dialogue, we can help kids recognize that our involvement in their lives is done out of love and a concern for their well-being.
That’s not a violation of rights. It’s wise parenting.
Dr. Daniel Huerta is Vice President of Parenting and Youth for Focus on the Family, overseeing the ministry’s initiatives that equip moms and dads with biblical principles and counsel for raising healthy, resilient children rooted in a thriving faith.
He is a psychologist, a licensed clinical social worker, and the author of 7 Traits of Effective Parenting. For many years, he has provided families with practical, biblically-based and research-based parenting advice on topics including media discernment, discipline, communication, mental health issues, conflict resolution, and healthy sexuality in the home. He is passionate about coming alongside parents as they raise contributors, instead of consumers, in a culture desperately in need of God’s kingdom.
Dr. Huerta has been interviewed by various media outlets including Fox News, Fatherly, Christianity Today, WORLD Magazine, and CBN, and he is a frequent guest on Christian radio stations across the nation. He’s also written for publications, including The Washington Post, on various topics related to marriage and parenting. He participated in the development of Focus on the Family’s Launch Into the Teen Years, a resource to help parents prepare their kids for adolescence, and he speaks regularly at retreats, conventions, and online events.
Dr. Huerta has maintained a private practice in Colorado Springs, Colorado since 2003 and has served families through Focus on the Family since 2004. He and his wife, Heather, have been married since 1997 and love being parents to their three teen children, Alex, Lexi, and Maci.
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