Contributor journals are an easy, fun way to stay connected to your family.
There is an epidemic of loneliness in a culture filled with opportunities for connections. In fact, recent research from the University of California Berkley and Cigna estimate that close to 50% of American adults report feeling alone (46%) or left out (47%), and the former Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy calls loneliness the silent crisis in our nation. What about families? Many times, loneliness is a matter of how moments are filtered and interpreted.
In our crazy, hectic world, with all the different things family members are involved in, it can seem almost impossible to stay connected and encourage each other in meaningful ways. However, the Bible tells us to encourage one another and build each other up (1 Thessalonians 5:11). God’s Word to the church applies to our families as well. Even though it can be hard to stay connected to your family, it is important. As a family counselor, loneliness and connectedness are two very frequent topics.
With that in mind, one way my family stays connected is by journaling—not for ourselves, but to and for each other. We speak nuggets of truth to one another to help reset the mental filter of life and to help each of us experience connectedness in our home. Words are powerful!
My kids, like yours perhaps, participate in sports, school-related events and other activities. It is hard to find time to be together. We have to “hit the brakes” often to find creative ways to connect. Keeping a contributor journal for each member of our family helps us to be intentional and imaginative in our efforts to connect to each other.
A contributor journal is a basic journal we use to write quick messages to one another. These can include a note of encouragement, an inspiring quote, a riddle, a joke, a Bible verse, a quick blessing, or a word of gratitude for what that person means to us.
Therefore, our journals sit at the kitchen table so they can be easily written in.
Before we head out for the day, each of us can look at what’s been written to us. My daughter sometimes takes hers to school to read later. My son reads his before he leaves. My wife loves our notes and will read her journal at any time. And I like taking mine to work, and sometimes on business trips.
While we’re not a perfect family and we may not write every day, we do our best to write in the journals. Still, we always enjoy receiving these notes from one another and our family feels more connected when we do.
There is nothing like the Scripture to speak to the soul. I love searching for verses from the Bible that are relevant for wherever my kids or wife are on their journey and asking the Holy Spirit to guide me toward the words they may need for that day. Also, I like to include a brief note to let them know I love them, or draw a quick cartoon picture. These are some of the verses that I’ve used:
Similarly, including a quote in your journal message is a fantastic idea too. And they are easy to find on the Internet. Here’s one I found for my daughter, from Max Lucado: “You are valuable because you exist, not because of what you do or what you have done, but simply because you are.” Great writers, poets, historical figures, inspiring men and women of faith—can all provide the words to help you convey the right thoughts your family may need to hear to feel connected. You can look for quotes from a particular person or a general search under inspiring Christian quotes.
Recently, my daughter took a Polaroid picture of us together and included it with a note for me. She wrote, “Dad, I luv you” on it. Such a simple message, but it’s one of the pages in my journal I go to often.
Another time, before one of my business trips, my daughter wrote, “You were born an original work of art. Stay original always.” She went on, “Dad, you are unique in your own way. Always stay original and be you. I would never want a fake copy of you. So be confident in yourself! I Love You – You are God’s masterpiece.”
Notes of love like these help me pause and remember that God is with me (Psalm 46:10) as the Lord uses my daughter’s words to encourage me. In a world filled with imitations, pressures, and comparisons, my daughter’s words are a great reminder for me to be myself. Her words help me be okay with the possibility of disappointment, imperfection and failure in my personal journey.
As I “spend time” writing notes to my family, I realize the effort or the spend is worth it. Feelings of love help form stronger connections in our family to the Lord and each other.
Have you ever received a word of blessing from someone, a message that speaks God’s love and goodness over you in a way that helps you know your true worth? Even if you’ve never received a blessing from your own parents, your kids desperately need one from you. A contributor journal gives you a great opportunity to offer a life-giving word at the right time. For example, some concepts that could be used in a blessing are:
Each of your family members is a gift from God to the world. Take a moment in your son or daughter or spouse’s journal to offer a word of blessing over them. Blessings can help reset the mind towards an eternal perspective and connect the family.
We can all get in a place in our heads where negative thinking crowds out truth. A nice thing about keeping contributor journals is that they can be a great way to give each other a quick mental “reset.” The words we use to lift each other up can be just the thing needed to get our thoughts headed in the right direction.
These journals are also an opportunity to think beyond ourselves, to consider what each person is encountering in their life. After all, connecting as a family is about pressing pause on our own lives and looking into another person’s experience or world.
In conclusion, with all the demands on our time, keeping contributor journals can be tricky. With some creativity, you can use them to weave together memories and inspiration that will bear fruit through the many seasons of life. I recommend you give contributor journals a try and see what a difference they can make in connecting to your family relationships. Be patient and and have lots of fun as you contribute to each other’s life story!
Dr. Daniel Huerta is Vice President of Parenting and Youth for Focus on the Family, overseeing the ministry’s initiatives that equip moms and dads with biblical principles and counsel for raising healthy, resilient children rooted in a thriving faith.
He is a psychologist, a licensed clinical social worker, and the author of 7 Traits of Effective Parenting. For many years, he has provided families with practical, biblically-based and research-based parenting advice on topics including media discernment, discipline, communication, mental health issues, conflict resolution, and healthy sexuality in the home. He is passionate about coming alongside parents as they raise contributors, instead of consumers, in a culture desperately in need of God’s kingdom.
Dr. Huerta has been interviewed by various media outlets including Fox News, Fatherly, Christianity Today, WORLD Magazine, and CBN, and he is a frequent guest on Christian radio stations across the nation. He’s also written for publications, including The Washington Post, on various topics related to marriage and parenting. He participated in the development of Focus on the Family’s Launch Into the Teen Years, a resource to help parents prepare their kids for adolescence, and he speaks regularly at retreats, conventions, and online events.
Dr. Huerta has maintained a private practice in Colorado Springs, Colorado since 2003 and has served families through Focus on the Family since 2004. He and his wife, Heather, have been married since 1997 and love being parents to their three teen children, Alex, Lexi, and Maci.
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