The growth of humility in your child’s life will lead to positive development in many other areas of their character and relationships.
Parents often ask me what trait is most important to instill in their kids in our self-centered world. Scripture shows us which characteristics are most important in our lives and the lives of our children. Based on scripture and my experience as a counselor, I believe the one characteristic that is foundational to the development of all other healthy relational and developmental traits in the life of a well-adjusted, connected, and genuinely loving child is humility. Teaching our kids how to be humble in our world is critical to positive child development.
Imagine a world where humility is admired and intentionally cultivated, where kids grow out of a foundation of humility rather than pride, control, and power. This school year, what would it look like if you focused on developing humility in your child, your home, and yourself?
When you meet a genuinely humble person, you instinctively understand that they care about people around them regardless of race, sex, or socioeconomic status. Interestingly, the word humility comes from the word humus. If you have a garden, you know humus is the part of soil that is necessary for the growth and strengthening of plants. It provides the environment for deep-rooted growth.
There are many scriptures on humility throughout the Bible. Scripture emphasizes the importance of humility and its ability to create that deep-rooted growth in many places. James writes that God gives grace to the humble and opposes the proud (James 4:6). The Bible also says it is our responsibility to humble ourselves under God’s mighty hand and to foster a humble heart (1 Peter 5:6).
In James 4:6-10, it says to:
In another scripture on humility, Ephesians 4:2 explains that humility and gentleness, mixed with patience, provide the ingredients for people to truly and deeply love others. This verse states that we can bear with one another in love as we move toward unity and peacefulness. Humility invites God’s unifying Spirit to act in and through us as we learn to love others.
For more than twenty years, I have worked with families in my counseling practice, and I have consistently found the root of many relational issues to be the absence of humility. Where humility is lacking, selfishness, anxiety, pride, and insecurities abound. I have also seen that many sexual struggles come from the absence of humility. We must teach our kids humility from an early age to help them avoid these issues.
Teaching kids to understand their thoughts, longings, desires, and emotions helps them observe why they do the things they do. More importantly, establishing a life or culture of prayer in your home is an excellent starting point to soften the heart and train it toward humility.
Humility in a child’s life includes learning to:
Humility leads a child toward becoming a contributor rather than a consumer as they grow and mature. So how do you help cultivate this trait in your child? Here are seven quick tips:
Help your children understand that people crave to be known. Learn to discern the core desires in others. Why are they sharing what they’re sharing with you? What do they truly want? Teach them to be slow to speak and quick to listen. It is tempting to overrun people with our own opinions and thoughts.
Parents can begin to teach humility from the time their children are infants. It’s about being genuinely relational and seeing other people through a lens of value and worth. Children can also practice empathy by caring for pets or maintaining a garden.
Opportunities to engage and serve others can be embraced as invitations rather than dreaded as inconveniences.
Look around as a family and intentionally talk about what you’re thankful for.
Respect each other’s unique ideas, emotions, and interests by noticing and learning to live well together in those differences.
Words can be life-giving. Children can learn to genuinely encourage others without feeling the threat of losing their own value in the process.
Map out ways you can serve within your family and in your neighborhood, school, or community. Take time to celebrate a culture of service in your home. A culture of service is more worthy of celebration than straight As.
The growth of humility in your child’s life will lead to positive development in many other areas of their character and relationships. Take time each day to model and invest in this trait and teach your kids to be humble as you engage with them. For more, visit www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting.
Dr. Daniel Huerta is Vice President of Parenting and Youth for Focus on the Family, overseeing the ministry’s initiatives that equip moms and dads with biblical principles and counsel for raising healthy, resilient children rooted in a thriving faith.
He is a psychologist, a licensed clinical social worker, and the author of 7 Traits of Effective Parenting. For many years, he has provided families with practical, biblically-based and research-based parenting advice on topics including media discernment, discipline, communication, mental health issues, conflict resolution, and healthy sexuality in the home. He is passionate about coming alongside parents as they raise contributors, instead of consumers, in a culture desperately in need of God’s kingdom.
Dr. Huerta has been interviewed by various media outlets including Fox News, Fatherly, Christianity Today, WORLD Magazine, and CBN, and he is a frequent guest on Christian radio stations across the nation. He’s also written for publications, including The Washington Post, on various topics related to marriage and parenting. He participated in the development of Focus on the Family’s Launch Into the Teen Years, a resource to help parents prepare their kids for adolescence, and he speaks regularly at retreats, conventions, and online events.
Dr. Huerta has maintained a private practice in Colorado Springs, Colorado since 2003 and has served families through Focus on the Family since 2004. He and his wife, Heather, have been married since 1997 and love being parents to their three teen children, Alex, Lexi, and Maci.
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