Foster a strong relationship between your children and their grandparents by creating opportunities for them to interact
Estimated reading time: 7 minutes
Helping your parents and kids build a strong bond isn’t always easy, but it was one of the best gifts I gave my son. Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children, says Proverbs 17:6.
When my son Lewis was a toddler, Grandpa would take him on walks around the neighborhood. The trek was always at a snail’s pace. As Lewis stopped to examine every shiny rock or bug that crossed his path, Grandpa would bend, hovering at Lewis’ side. I hold this image in my heart — this man, slowing and stooping to be near his grandchild.
Because my in-laws chose to move 1,100 miles to live near Lewis, Grandpa was there to experience his firsts: his first birthday party, first Christmas, first bicycle ride without training wheels, first trip to an amusement park, first camping experience, first soccer game, and even his first year in college.
Grandpa has recently experienced some health challenges.
We’re no longer celebrating Lewis’ firsts; we’re celebrating what are most likely Grandpa’s lasts: his last Christmas, his last New Year, his last birthday party. And all the while, anticipating his first glimpse of heaven.
The closeness my son and my other children have had with Grandpa didn’t happen overnight. It grew step by step through intentional times of family togetherness that emphasized the needs of everyone, not just the kids.
Building a deep connection with grandparents was intentional. Here are some things my family did to foster a deeper connection between our kids and our older extended family members.
Grandpa wasn’t just an old relative who showed up on weekends and holidays; he was first a person, an individual with a history, talents, and a pronounced preference for sausage and sauerkraut.
His identity as a marathon runner, a microwave technology scientist, and a refugee from Hitler’s Germany was part of my kids’ framework for the relationship. Everyday conversations that emphasized Grandpa’s life experiences helped my boys see that old people are just that — people with a rich past who have much to offer.
Whenever there was an event that included multiple generations, we didn’t pander to the youngest, especially not at Christmas.
From choosing the menu, to deciding which church service we’d attend, to planning when to open gifts, the goal was togetherness and making sure everyone felt involved. And my kids had to flex often, to eat German peppernut cookies in lieu of pumpkin pie, and wait until three in the afternoon to open gifts.
We attended classical music concerts often, rather than seeing the latest movie, because the grandparents’ preferences counted, too.
Being attuned to the traditions and needs of extended family taught my kids that togetherness mattered, even though it often required sacrifice and self-discipline.
It wasn’t merely an annual trip to the neighborhood shelter. Grandpa and Grandma volunteered every Friday afternoon at an inner-city soup kitchen. During the summers, Lewis would serve alongside Grandpa.
And if Christmas fell on a Friday?
Guess what.
The entire family was there scooping mounds of mashed potatoes or washing an even larger mound of dirty plates.
Today Grandpa is the one who moves at a snail’s pace. He stoops not to inspect a ladybug but to lean on his cane. A heart condition combined with a recent fall requires that he have help walking.
And now I hold a new image in my heart — of Lewis slowing and stooping to listen to Grandpa as the two walk, arm in arm, down the corridor of the hospital wing.
In many ways, it’s a difficult time to be raising kids. Parents struggle in an unpredictable economy to balance work with family and teach values in an anything-goes culture. Kids have many stresses. Hardships at school, violence in the news, negative peer influences, pressure to perform and substance abuse at very young ages. Grandparents are an often overlooked asset for the modern family.
Indeed, grandparents are needed today more than ever. Not only to support fatigued parents, but also to be trusted allies who provide a much-needed sense of stability. They can give security and unconditional love to kids, whether those kids are 2 years old or 18. Here are a few first steps that can help your parents and kids build strong bonds.
Each of us has skills we pass on to the next generation. Teaching these skills and introducing our kids to new experiences are key privileges we enjoy as parents. But why not let grandparents be involved in sharing their skills and talents with your kids, too? Learning a skill from a grandparent can have a powerful influence on your children. Little things can build memories.
When possible, allow your kids to have the time and space with a grandparent. They can learn how to whistle, or tell time, make cookies, or fix a bicycle tire. Whatever the lesson, kids will remember who they learned it from.
How about a grandparent’s hobbies and passions? Children, especially young children, enjoy doing what grown-ups are doing — they love having a chance to join in. Recently, I’ve encountered several grandparents who use all manner of hobbies and interests to stay connected with their grandkids. From sharing a passion for photography or the history of the Civil War, to ongoing lessons in gardening and hospitality — the time spent with grandparents can strengthen relationships and be educational for kids.
Whenever possible, encourage your kids and their grandparents to develop hobbies and interests together. Support those passions by making time for them in daily family life.
Modern technology has helped bridge the distance between kids and grandparents who live in different places. In recent years, I’ve noticed a surge of improvements in terms of reliability, convenience and ease of use. This allows grandparents to use technology not just for occasional chats. They can be a regular voice in the lives of their grandkids. Personally, I’m a big fan of using the. internet to chat with my grandkids and see their smiling faces and listen to their stories.
Parents can harness the power of technology to provide opportunities for their kids to connect with Grandpa and Grandma. Younger kids can chat with grandparents over homework or read stories together over the phone or internet. Older kids can share photos through messaging or email and follow each other through social media. Social media, such as Facebook, helps keep both up to date on what the other is doing. It also helps kids be accountable with their posts when they know their grandparents will be reading them.
There’s something special about real mail. Yes, modern technology makes communication easy, but children of all ages still love to receive mail. While postage is more expensive these days, letters, cards and printed pictures are still a great investment in a relationship with grandparents. Regular contact is important to help your parents and kids build a strong bond, and handwritten messages can create a special and supportive bond.
Give your kids writing supplies and encourage them to write a note to send to their grandparents. Tuck in a recent photo. If your kids say, “I don’t know what to write” make simple, specific suggestions about events from their daily lives. You could tell them, “Why don’t you tell them about last Saturday’s soccer game?” or, “Draw a picture of the bunny we saw in the backyard.”
When the grandparents send letters and cards, let them read their mail alone, if they like, or share them with you. If they don’t yet read, you can read the letters to your child and put them up on the refrigerator or bulletin board. If grandparents send a gift, encourage your child to call or write a thank-you note. You’ll not only be helping their writing skills improve, but also instilling gratitude and good manners — and you’ll be helping your children send little rays of sunshine into Grandpa’s and Grandma’s lives.
While kids develop a bond with their grandparents, they typically don’t know much about Grammy and Grampy’s lives. Before visiting, brainstorm a list of questions to ask such as how they met and
what they liked to do as kids. Record their stories to review later.
Being a resource and staying connected with your grandchildren is important today. Not only is it vital to pour into your grandkids, but aiding your children is extremely helpful with all they face as parents. Continue to write letters, make calls, and impart wisdom. Your children and your grandchildren appreciate it.
2 Timothy 1:5 is a letter to young Timothy from Paul who recognizes the value of relationships between grandparents and grandchildren when he penned, “I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well.”
This article is a compilation of articles written by various authors. The author names are found within the article.
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