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Helping Your Tween with Autism Navigate School

The middle grades can be an especially difficult time for any child. But for tweens with autism this time can produce even greater challenges. Learning how to deal with the school environment is key in helping these kids find their place in society and experience success. 

The middle grades can be an especially difficult time for any child. But for tweens with autism, this time can produce even greater challenges. Learning how to deal with the school environment is key in helping these kids find their place in society and experience success. 

Twenty-two year-old Caleb was diagnosed with Asperger’s as a third grader, although that term is no longer used. In today’s vocabulary, Caleb is level one on the autism spectrum severity scale. For reference, levels two and three are more involved and require more support services.

Before the diagnosis, it broke Caleb’s mother’s heart to see him seated all alone at lunch time. It wasn’t until after she began to learn more about Autism Spectrum Disorder that she understood. As she explored common behaviors among children on the autism spectrum, she realized Caleb preferred to eat alone. 

What did bother him were loud sounds.

An Example of Autism in Tweens

As a teenager, Caleb attended the college graduation of a family friend. When the last graduate crossed the stage, the school fired confetti cannons in celebration. The noise was so disturbing for Caleb that he immediately announced he was never going to college. Although he did eventually finish his degree, the family had to work out a plan that would allow him to walk off the stage and out of the ceremony before he would agree to attend his own graduation. Caleb might have been one of the few people in America who was actually happy that COVID-19 nixed the college’s plans for a normal ceremony that year.

Autism is a developmental disorder that affects a person’s ability to communicate and interact with others and their environment. In a nutshell, a person with autism views the world in a completely different way than those without it. In fact, a newer term frequently being used to describe the condition is “neurodiversity.”

Autism Spectrum Disorder

According to recent research, the incidence of autism is on the rise. A study released by the CDC in December 2021 indicates that one in 44 children are currently being diagnosed with the disorder. That number is up from one in 54 just a few years ago.

The degree of the disorder can vary widely. As noted by Laura D. Mead, an educational administrator at McLean Hospital’s Pathways Academy in Belmont, Massachusetts, “Some individuals with autism are not able to speak and may require intensive behavioral therapy to prevent self-harming behaviors. Other individuals with autism become college professors, code complex computer programs, or run Fortune 500 companies.” The fact that autism affects individuals so differently is the reason it is often referred to as autism spectrum disorder (ASD).

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Navigating School

If you are the parent of a tween with autism, you already have an idea where your child fits on the spectrum. You’ve likely been dealing with your tween’s unique perspective of the world since they were toddlers. But now that they’re in school, how can you help them navigate these years with a minimum of stress and maximum benefit? Here are a few ideas:

Ways to Help Your Tween with Autism

Keep the lines of communication open. Enlist the help of the teachers and therapists in the educational setting you’ve chosen as early as possible. The teachers and staff there are usually your best allies. Communicate with your child’s educational team frequently, not just during ARD meetings. Find out what they are doing that works well and let them know about challenges or strategies you’ve discovered at home.

Keep track of your child’s schedule. Ask for regular updates so that you can help your child prepare for the day’s activities. Encourage (sometimes you may have to push) your tween’s school to include your child in as many of the regular activities of school as your child’s place on the autism spectrum will allow.

State the obvious. Never assume your tween understands figurative language. Use concrete language and keep it simple. Take the time to explain what things mean. Define new words on a regular basis. Autistic kids tend to be very literal. They need help with idioms and phrases like, “My head is killing me!” Explain that it doesn’t really mean your head is “killing” you. It means it hurts. Your child is likely to encounter statements like these at school often. By making it a habit to explain these types of phrases, you can help your child avoid misunderstandings at school. Car time is a good time to work on it.

Routines

Create routines…for everything. Kids on the autism spectrum are usually very responsive to schedules and routines. They take comfort in knowing what comes next. Create a morning routine and do your best to stick to it. Create an after-school routine that includes homework as appropriate and follow the same pattern every day. Checklists and visual organizers can be helpful in this and gives your child a sense of accomplishment as tasks are completed.

Be sure to schedule in sensory breaks and play time as needed. Make getting ready for the next school day (loading backpack, collecting homework, laying out school clothes, etc.) part of the nighttime routine. And, most importantly, be sure to include prayer times in your schedule. A short prayer just before they leave for school is a good place to start. Also, a short prayer as they end the day will help establish a healthy habit. This habit will be a source of comfort and spiritual growth for their whole lives, not just their school years.

Change

Prepare for change. Discuss the school schedule in detail with your child each morning. If there will be changes or special activities, help your child mentally prepare for it and discuss one or two possible strategies for coping. For example: There will be a pep rally today. You can wear your headphones or ask to go to the library. Ask the school to inform you about fire drills and other activities that occur without warning to teachers and students. Inform your tween with autism about changes as early as possible and help him or her develop a plan for how they will react.

Role play often. Role playing can help prepare your child for situations that pop up at school. With repeated role playing they can learn the appropriate way to ask to go to the restroom, handle a bully, introduce themselves, make friends, and more. By practicing various scenarios, you can help facilitate your child’s social integration into school life and greatly reduce the day-to-day stresses that can trigger a meltdown.

Use an if/then strategy to help your child decide what they will do if something happens. For example, your child can repeat phrases like, “If someone calls me a name, then I will _______________.” The extent to which your child can participate in this activity will depend on their level of autism. But even children who are severely autistic can benefit from at least hearing the appropriate way to deal with situations that arise in school.

Final Thoughts on Helping Your Tween with Autism

Dealing with autism isn’t easy for kids on the spectrum or their parents. But that doesn’t mean there’s no chance for a rich full life. The key is to learn as much as you can, do what you are able, and leave the rest up to God. After all, your child is His child, too. And He is well able to see you both through each stage of a life with autism.

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