Seeking Sole Custody

By Elsa Kok Colopy
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Laura Perez

One mom tells the story of her fight for her daughter.

Kaitlyn* was shaking, her little body trembling in my arms as my husband raged. How many times would we have to go through this? How many times would Jason come home as a completely different person and terrify his own family? It hadn’t always been like this.

I met Jason in college, and we married soon after. He was bright and charming — the life of the party. While the first few years of married life were a roller coaster, things eventually settled down. We went into business together, started attending church, and a short while later, our daughter, Kaitlyn, came into the world. I assumed our beautiful girl would be the final draw that would help Jason move beyond his wild past.

It didn’t work. While there were seasons of quiet, Jason’s addictions began to take over his life. Everything from pornography and affairs to alcohol and prescription drug abuse — his world spiraled out of control. His addictions transformed him so that Kaitlyn and I were no longer safe.

After 20 years of marriage and doing all I knew to do, I had to leave. Finding myself in the position to end my marriage and pursue sole custody was overwhelming, but I learned some important lessons. If you’re thinking of pursuing sole custody, consider the following suggestions:

Lean on godly professionals

I sought out a strong lawyer with good character who would be willing to fight to protect Kaitlyn. I didn’t need someone who was vengeful and vindictive.

Encourage relationship

I pursued sole custody because Jason’s behavior was erratic, but I still wanted Kaitlyn to know her dad. I worked with the courts to offer supervised visits and give Jason more time with his daughter if he pursued professional help.

Protect your kids

Protecting my daughter meant more than just getting sole custody. I needed to comfort her fears and explain, to the best of my ability, what was happening. Because it was also important that I work through my own emotions, I found resources to help my heart heal so that my bitterness wouldn’t seep into Kaitlyn’s life.

I never imagined I would have to fight for my daughter or for our safety, but God strengthened me for the task and saw me through the pain. To this day, my prayer remains the same: that as I lean into God’s grace, Kaitlyn would know to do the same — no matter what life may bring.

*All names have been changed.

Copyright © 2013 by Elsa Kok Colopy. Used by permission.

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Understand How to Respect and Love your Son Well

Why doesn’t my son listen to me? Have you ever asked that question? The truth is, how you see your son and talk to him has a significant effect on how he thinks and acts. That’s why we want to help you. In fact, we’ve created a free five-part video series called “Recognizing Your Son’s Need for Respect” that will help you understand how showing respect, rather than shaming and badgering, will serve to motivate and guide your son.
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