Custom CSS of Section contains Conditional Preview for See Life Campaign Elements

Talking Abstinence With Your Teen

Share:
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email
Mom talking with teen daughter
Ryan McVay/Photostock/Thinkstock - For illustrative purposes only
Clearly articulating our expectations regarding abstinence helps teens understand its importance.

There’s a spot in my bedroom at the foot of the bed, which has always been a favorite place for my daughters to grab some talk time with their mom. As they grew into preteens and teens, this time in my room often included conversations about sex.

I remember one day, when my girls were older, when I realized that all the talk had actually been sinking in. One of my daughters remarked that she was glad I had told her why she should wait until marriage to have sex. My second daughter joined the conversation and thanked me for teaching her that sex is beautiful and it’s to be enjoyed with one special person. My third daughter chimed in and said that if she had only been told about disease and pregnancy, she may have thought I just didn’t want her to have any fun.

When it comes to influencing teens, parents have an advantage over peers, schools, churches and even media. Because parents are with their children year after year, they have a unique relationship that can help in discussing difficult topics. Parents also understand their adolescent’s particular personality, and they’re sensitive to their teen’s level of maturity — socially, emotionally, physically and morally. This long-term, understanding relationship earns parents the right to communicate values to their teens.

Unfortunately, discussions about sexual issues often do not take place until after the teen has already begun having sex — but you don’t have to let that happen in your home. Take the initiative and make the conversation happen.

Communicate family standards

Family standards are important. Young people often do not know what parents expect of them regarding sexual purity and sometimes feel they are getting mixed messages. It’s important that parents be clear about their expectations. If you presume your teen will be abstinent, you need to explain your expectation clearly.

The following are a few suggestions for discussion with your teen:

• Remaining a virgin until marriage is realistic, and it is the standard for our family.

• Sex is beautiful and it is to be shared with one special person within the marriage relationship.

• Sexually transmitted infections are a big deal.

• Pregnancy is a big deal — it will change your life forever.

• Others may not tell you the truth. Teachers, websites and books may assert that you can have sex without worry. We will always tell you the truth.

• You must choose wisely to protect yourself and ensure your best chance of achieving your potential.

• We expect appropriate modesty.

• Parties with alcohol are off-limits.

• Sex has a much deeper meaning than its mere physical act.

• We are here to support you, so you don’t have to make these choices alone.

• It is never too late to abstain.

Having these discussions is a way to start helping your teen grow into a sexually healthy, mature adult.

Repeat … and relax

You can’t just dump abstinence information on your teen and move on — this message must be repeated again and again. Authorities in parent-child communication emphasize the necessity of frequent repetition. They also emphasize, as I suggest above, that your messages contain valid information, delivered with clear expectations.

And one final word: Relax. Your responsibility is great, but so is your influence.


For more on teen sexuality and abstinence in a “friends with benefits” culture, check out the following resources:

Love, Sex, and God: for young men by Bill Ameiss and Jane Graver

Love, Sex, and God: for young women by Bill Ameiss and Jane Graver

The Purity Code: God’s plan for sex and your body by Jim Burns

Guys Are Waffles, Girls Are Spaghetti by Chad Eastham, Bill Farrel and Pam Farrel

The Focus on the Family Guide to Talking With Your Kids About Sex by the Physicians Resource Council

What Are You Waiting For? The one thing no one ever tells you about sex by Dannah Gresh

Aggressive Girls, Clueless Boys: 7 conversations you must have with your son and 7 questions to ask your daughter by Dennis Rainey

Hooked: New science on how casual sex is affecting our children by Joe S. McIlhaney Jr., M.D., and Freda McKissic Bush, M.D.

Dynamic CTA Template Below

Your Teen Needs You Most of All

No parent of teens is perfect and even the best can learn how to better connect with their son or daughter. Get practical action steps to better connect with your teenager in 8 Essential Tips for Parenting Your Teen in this FREE video series!

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.
Emerson-Eggerich4-840w

Understand How to Respect and Love your Son Well

Why doesn’t my son listen to me? Have you ever asked that question? The truth is, how you see your son and talk to him has a significant effect on how he thinks and acts. That’s why we want to help you. In fact, we’ve created a free five-part video series called “Recognizing Your Son’s Need for Respect” that will help you understand how showing respect, rather than shaming and badgering, will serve to motivate and guide your son.

Reconnected: The Digital Experience

Is the love there, but not the spark? Reawaken fun in your marriage and move from roommates to soulmates again with the help of this 7-part online video experience. Learn how to connect emotionally and spiritually as husband and wife using techniques such as dreaming together and establishing deep, heartfelt communication. The Digital Experience includes 7 teaching videos, an online study guide and access to additional tools and resources to help spouses reconnect.

Next Steps: Marriage Assessment

We want your marriage to be thriving and healthy. Take the free Marriage Assessment from Focus on the Family to learn how to strengthen your bond with your spouse and get the tools to help you need to grow closer together. 

Next Steps: Fruit of the Spirit Devotionals for Couples

The Fruit of the Spirit Devotional is a free series of nine short videos to get you into God’s Word and inspire you to seek the Holy Spirit’s help in loving your spouse.

Share:
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

About the Author

You May Also Like

unhappy-wife-in-bed-turned-away-from-husband
Abuse

What Is Sexual Abuse in Marriage?

Darby Strickland, a counselor and teacher at the Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation, defines sexual abuse in marriage and explains how wives are oppressed in this way.

Biblical Marriage

Why I Care About Your Sex Life … And so Should You

Healthy sexual intimacy correlates with an overall strong relationship. But it’s about more than you and your spouse having a good time in bed. It is a central aspect of a holy metaphor.

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 5: It’s Going to be Amazing!

After a couple has chosen life, hear the heartwarming stories of children that culture would have cast aside, yet are making tremendous impacts in their communities. Whether the diagnosis was adverse or the circumstances were difficult, these stories will inspire you to come along side of families who have chosen life!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 4: Sometimes the Choice is Hard

Hear real life stories of parents who have made the decision to choose life even though the circumstances were overwhelming. You’ll see why “ALL” life is precious to God and why choosing life is always the right decision!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 6: Families Helping Families!

So, after all you’ve seen through the SeeLife ‘21 Episodic journey; what can you do now? We’ll share how you can partner with some amazing organizations that are making significant impacts in the pro-life movement! You want to Celebrate Life!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 3: The Power of a Picture

Have you ever wondered what a baby looked like in the womb? With today’s technology, Moms and Dads can see the baby’s heartbeat, facial expressions, and movements! You’ll find out why more women choose life once they hear their baby’s heartbeat and realize it’s a real living human!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 2: Heroes Providing Hope

Discover the amazing work our PRC’s Directors, Nurses, and Volunteers are making in their communities! You’ll see firsthand testimonies of a PRC in action, and that there are other options outside of abortions! You’ll also discover how your family can support your local PRC!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 1: The Truth About Life!

In this episode, we will tackle tough questions like, “When does life begin?” and “What does the Bible
say about Life?” You’ll discover and understand the stages of pre-born life and that babies are more than
just a clump of cells!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!