The TBRI process of parenting reactive children or youth focuses very intentionally on connecting with them. The purpose of connecting is to disarm any anxiety, fear or lack of trust. Also, you calm their reactive brains so they can stop the unwanted behavior of their “Downstairs Brain”. Instead, you help them learn how to act appropriately and use their “Upstairs Brain”. Only then can they process what you’re trying to say as you correct their behavior.
Connecting begins with a child’s perception of feeling safe both environmentally and emotionally. This may sound obvious, but with a child or adolescent who can be reactive, don’t assume he will feel safe. Make sure your home environment is conducive to meeting his daily physical and sensory processing needs. When your child or adolescent reacts with a negative behavior, remove any objects he can use to harm himself or you. Remember, if his brain doesn’t “think” he’s safe, he will most likely react with an unsafe outburst of actions or his words. So, be sure he can’t harm himself or you. When parenting reactive children and youth, your safety is just as important as theirs.
Connect with a reactive child in a light-hearted, silly or surprising way; “Whoa Nellie …” or “Oopsy, let’s try that again.” Or, you might be more directive with an adolescent and calmly say something like, “Stop, you’re not being safe.” Then, follow up with, “What do you need to feel safe right now?